Has anyone ever had a family member that doesn’t believe in you? It could be your own Mom or Dad.
Ever since messing up my 20s and now since turned 31. I’m slowly getting my life in order and it seems to be working. I’ve already got the main parts taken care of like my own Vehicle and Drivers License. As well as enrolled in Community College.
The main takeaway is that my own Dad doesn’t believe in me on whatever I want to do in life.
I told him that I want to eventually find a full on career which could be anything, like possibly a Trade down the road or something that requires either a Bachelors or an Associates Degree.
I’m currently majoring in Computer Science and he compares me to a friend of his that school didn’t work out for her and she now owes over several thousand dollars and is working at a factory. I told him that I wasn’t like her and that I’m different. Then he goes on saying I’ll waste my money and end up someday being 40 with nothing. To basically just stay at one job and keep on working. I currently work at retail and I know it’s not something I want to do since it doesn’t pay well enough and working up to management isn’t really my thing.
One factory job didn’t work out and the other didn’t because of my own mistake. I hope to get another one in the future that pays decently well.
Looking inward, I definitely know what I’m getting myself into. I’m not trying to shoot for the stars like wanting to be an astronaut or be an NBA player but trying to be realistic on what I want to do.
I know at the current moment, the job market is bad with Tech but I can always pivot to something else if it doesn’t work out. Staying in Community College is a smart choice too because at the same time, I’m taking care of my basic General Ed requirements.
There’s many things I definitely still want to do like move abroad for school and possibly move some place else other than my hometown.
Both my Dad and Grandpa want me to just stay where I am since this is where my family is but it still doesn’t hurt to go out and take risks.
Being nervous for the future and how my 30s might or might not play out, I can’t stop to think what if it doesn’t work out for me? Or if it did? I can’t really know how the future will play out. All I know is, I’m planning carefully and not being stupid or reckless on the things I did like I was in my 20s.
I hope I can prove them wrong and not just out of “I told you so” but more of making them proud respectfully and that I am my own person.
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It’s a horrible path. I wish you the best. All I can advise is check yourself: ask, am I doing this for me, or to prove them wrong? Only the first is enough; both is acceptable. The latter alone is to be avoided.
My dad. I’ve been through it. For a long time, I thought, “I’ll prove him wrong. I’ll make him proud.” etc. and followed it through, but it didn’t help either of us. It was only when I realized that this is my life, and no opinion matters even slightly compared to my own, that I found peace.
Forgiving both him and myself was the turning point. Now, when we rarely meet, we talk about his life, politics, sports, the weather, fishing… anything but me or my life. I believe in myself, and that’s all that truly matters. He will have to live with the knowledge that he didn’t believe me when matters the most but this is something for him to figure out. Or not. I don’t care tbh.
My father never believed in me. It’s simply never bothered me. He has whatever reasons he has analysed in his own head. The older I got the more I realised that he wasn’t as smart as I thought he was when I was a child, nor does he have any particular unique perspective on things. So his lack of belief in me doesn’t bother me because with time I’ve just found him not very interesting as a person. He always thought I should have been a teacher rather than work in the freelance media world. But it was obvious from I was very small that I would do exactly what I wanted with my own life. And you could say I’ve succeeded in that I make a living from it.
You only need one or two champions in life. I tend to have found them in friends/work mentors. I find the idea that you can find everything you need in your family to be bogus. The blood is thicker than water phrase has always had a whiff of manipulation to me.
This is more common than you would expect. My parents both only care(d) about themselves. My father is a crazy narcissist ex-convict and my mom turned her life around and has a long period of upper mgmt in large companies. Haven’t seen or talked to dad in decades- you cannot talk to my mom bc she just talks about herself the whole time.
No one ever believes in you. They only tell you they believed after you find success. This applies to your family, friends, and partner.
The only thing that matters is your own belief.
are you still living at home?
That’s why.
Do it for you. Don’t worry about what is done. It happened, water under the bridge. Just continue to improve in your present state
Warning: Hard truth (or at least, opinion) ahead.
> I told him that I want to eventually find a full on career which could be anything, like possibly a
You’re 31 years old and you still don’t know what you want. Your career “could be anything”, “like possibly….” In other words, you’re still undecided and daydreaming. First step is to get some direction in your life and that means making up your mind on what that direction is. Until you do so, you’re almost certainly just going to continue drifting through life. THAT (I suspect) is how your Dad sees it and thus why he’s not taking you seriously; ’cause it’s impossible to take “it could be anything” seriously.
Only my entire life
My mother my siblings my in-laws. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. They aren’t going to get you ahead or hopd you back. Its your effort and dedication and it will be your pay off.
I will play dadvils advocate for a second and say he may not be thinking about your ability when he says those things it sounds more like he is against college. Alot of people are(myeslf included) because colleges are predatory institutions that are o ly interested in profits. Reality is most, yes most people who graduate from college never get a job with their degree. Thats out of the 1 in 5 that actually make it through.
Im just going of your comment so i could be totally of base about your dad but worth considering.
Going to level with you. You are chasing a dream here. If they didn’t believe in you already it’s not going to change once you have your life where you want it.
The best you can get is empty platitudes once you have achieved results. Doesn’t mean they believe in you though. Just that you are now somehow a new shiny feather in their cap.
You need to do this for you. Do you want to be 30, 40,50,60,70 or 80 regretting not trying?
That’s the great thing about life. Even the “risky” approaches you Mentioned don’t close the door you have just walked through to attempt them
You can always come back to your hometown.
If you’ve lied in the past, you can’t expect people to be skeptical of what you’re saying. So the “messing up in your 20s” could be the reason this is happening. You have to perform enough good deeds to allow people to regain their trust in you. If you’ve burned them in the past, it’s not their fault, it’s your fault. If you’ve always been honest with them, that’s different. You can’t flip a switch and expect people to believe everything you say just because you aren’t lying any more. Give it time.
In regards to changes you want to make in your life, keep an open mind. In some ways, you’re doing the same thing to them that is upsetting you – you don’t believe what they are telling you. Talk to your family and talk to other people who have been down the path you want to purse. Listening is the best way to learn. You will almost always hear conflicting opinions, but if most people are warning you not to do something, especially if they have been through the same thing, you probably should listen.
Dude, he’s worried about you.
Every challenge you pass becomes a regret in 5 years and a heavy weight on your soul in 10 years. What others say don’t matter. It’s up to you to prove your old self wrong. Go for it.
Sounds like your dad and grandpa have an old-school mentality and think companies care about tenure. Their side of things is probably just them being worried about you being OK in 10 years when they may longer be there. Computer science is a well-rounded degree with plenty of opportunities. Stay with it. Good luck.
I think it’s pretty normal for this kind of thing to happen, especially with the plate the younger gen’s are getting served. A lot of misplaced frustration all around. Don’t get caught up in the matrix. This is an inner game. Your dad’s ridicule or disbelief in you lives in your head louder than it does in his.