My boyfriend of 8 years just left me for another woman. My whole life is collapsing.

I‘ve (29F) always thought he‘s (29M) the one. We both met at 21, spend our uni years and covid together, we‘re living together for 6 years. Now he had an emotional affair for months with a work colleague of his, he let himself not have any boundaries with her, and fell in love with her. And she did this too, knowing that he‘s not available.

She confessed to him last Wednesday and he only told me after I pressed him sensing that something is wrong. On Saturday I begged him to give us a chance, that I will forgive him if we both worked on us and he stops his relationship with her. I said it‘s not fair that he had been struggling the past months without saying anything to me, he said he couldn‘t communicate his needs, and he didn‘t want to confront me about them because he‘s scared of confrontation. Instead he went to her and poured his heart out to her, claiming she‘s the one that sees him, hears him, while our relationship got „comfy“.

After that conversation he was willing to give us a chance, but the next day after going for a walk he came back saying his feelings are too strong for her and that he doesn‘t love me anymore.

I‘m in therapy for three years and he helped me through my darkest times and if only he had been open to me I would have been willing to help him too, but he claims that there were things I should have seen, and I admit that I still have issues and I shouldn‘t let them out on him, I hurt him and I couldn‘t apologize because of my shame, but still he never confronted me and now we‘re here.

It hurts so much that he didn‘t feel like he couldn‘t confide in me and that he‘s ready to make his affair into a relationship after 8 years with me. He was my life, my future, and being with him gave me so much security, he loved me for who I was and made my life so much better.

I‘m so scared for what comes next, I‘m scared that I can‘t take responsibility for myself because he spoiled me so much, I‘m scared that I will never find someone as good as him in my life that has the same values as me, listens, and accepts me for who I am. He says I’m perfect and he’s happy for me how far I’ve come but that he couldn’t keep up with me. He claims he is a better man because of me but what does it help now that woman gets to enjoy this better man I apparently created. This hurts so much and thinking about them being gentle and flirty with each other is killing me.

We planned to go to two weddings this year from our mutual friends but now I‘m scared that our breakup will jeopardize this, I think I can‘t bear seeing him with her.

He only now realized his feelings although he kept texting her nonstop while sitting next to me for months and he even invited her to our home wanting us to be friends while I already had a bad feeling with them and he even went to see her (she lives further away), buying train tickets and all without telling me properly, with no room to react or have a proper conversation.

I wish I could do something but he made this decision and I‘m powerless, my life is falling apart and I can only watch.