My girlfriend of 4 months isn’t strictly religious, we’re both Jewish but I don’t believe in God and most of my family doesn’t as well.
My girlfriend on the other hand, is close to god and religion (not strictly), and all of her family is somewhere between strictly religious to kind of religious, but they all believe in god and in the bible.
A few days ago, her uncle which is very religious told her that he thinks that we should break up if I won’t change my ways, and honestly I think maybe her family is also kind of side eyeing me about the fact I don’t believe in god, I don’t eat kosher and don’t go by the laws of the Bible.
Mr and my girlfriend talked about this a bit and we both know we don’t want to lose each other, but I don’t know if she’ll be able to withstand the pressure both from her family and her own ideology.
Has anyone else had this kind of situation? What did you do? We want to fight through the challenges, and not give up on each other.
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You do not need to break up over this. You’re both Jewish. It’s not like she’s orthodox. Is she reform or conservative? Either way I don’t see why you can’t make it work. It sounds like it’s her family not her that’s the problem.
say more about “laws of the bible” that you are or aren’t going by.
“believing in god and the bible” doesn’t necessarily map on to any specific jewish practice so it’s really hard to imagine the breakdown you’re describing…
The main thing is whether you would be willing to let your potentially future wife raise her children according to her beliefs.
If your atheism is mostly just being indifferent towards religion it could still work, if you are an atheist who actively hates religion, it could be problematic if you ever have kids.
Its okay bro
Honestly, its unfair, but its on her to decide whether or not you should stay together or not. You cant force yourself to believe something you dont believe.
If she wants to stay together, stay together. If she submits to the pressure of her family and decides to break up, well it is what it is.
Probably you don’t need to breakup, but do you want to have her family side eyeing you for how long you’ll be together, maybe forever? From personal experience a couple is able to thrive in families were the relatives like the other person partner, OR if the partner who family dislikes the other doesn’t really care about them and is able to ignore/put firm boundaries. Other wise is a constant challenge. But also here we’re talking about specific culture and religion, so it might not apply.
Would you be okay with hypothetical children to be raised the way your GFs family dictates?
And if you don’t want kids, who cares? The only opinions on this matter that count are yours and your GFs.
Is your reference to the Bible a poor translation? Most folk on here are likely familiar with the words Torah and Talmud.
If your girlfriend chooses to break up with you over you being an atheist then that’s her call. I’m surprised by what you say about her family though. All of the Jewish folk I know expect their teens and young adults to question their faith. I know culturally Jewish folk who are self-declared atheists and who only go to temple for important events. Having said that, for the people I’m thinking of, eating kosher is still important.
Every couple who find themselves in a similar situation find their own solutions or don’t. It’s very much down to the circumstances and the personal qualities of the individuals involved.
As someone else points it’s where children might be involved that the situation may reach crunch point. For example, how would you feel about circumcision, if you were to have a son? As any children grow, any differences over religious indoctrination is likely to increase.
I was thinking that if you’re both culturally Jewish, that it’s not really a problem. That’s how we roll.
But orthodox and everyone else…nope.
Unless you want to raise your kids orthodox and have a kosher home….i don’t see how this plays out.
Honestly, this is not going to work out long-term. If you stay together, her family will slowly start pressuring you to “save yourself“ and pressure will get worse and worse the longer you resist. And what happens if you have kids? I guarantee they will want to raise them in the church and with their beliefs.
A relationship cultivating isolation, for one, between the girl and her family, for another, between you and her family, is not worth enduring the troubles, which you may find trivial, of present and future. If you truly love her, just accept the theology, either under a guise of pretence or from the heart, in both cases it shall cost you nothing. However, if you mimic the heroic actions in preference to what I suggested, be ready for the consequences which for now you two, and for time to come your kids will inevitably have to endure.
Bringing up driving on the Sabbath makes me think her family is more Orthodox than you’re saying, most reform Jews I know wouldn’t blink at that even if they do other things like keep Kosher. Does SHE drive on Sabbath/cover her hair/etc?
In any case this is still a very new relationship but if things like keeping kosher are important to her the two of you are going to have to hash this out before thinking about living together. Sit down and have a conversation about how she sees her life if you’re never more observant than you are now.
If it were a religion other than Judaism or Islamic, I would day ignore everybody and carry on. But these two are not only a religion but a way of life for most practitioners.
It’s not only about the two of you, it’s about the pressure from extended family. Trust me, there will be extreme pressure and involvement in your relationship. That pressure will ramp up even more when kids arrive. Unless your gf has the ability to tell her family to “get fucked” I don’t see your relationship lasting.
Good luck.
BTW. How can you be Jewish if you’re an atheist?