So the other day I was heading to work and as I was walking out of the house I noticed across the street at my aunts house someone was in her driveway looking around the backyard trying to look over the fence and around the house.
Here’s the dialogue that transpired…
Me: Are you looking for someone? (In a stern, questioned kind of way. Not really a hostile way)
Her: I’m looking for my cat is that wrong?(In a rude entitled way)
Me: I just stared at her
Her: Your the nephew right?
Me: Sure.
Her: What you don’t recognize me? I introduced myself to myself to you before (Like 2 1/2 years ago, which was also the last time I spoke/saw her)
Me: Okay, well I don’t know you, nor did I recognize you trying to peak into my aunts backyard.
Her: Not sure why you don’t know me I said hello to you (she was really adamant about this…again 2 1/2 years ago)
Me: Okay well now I know. What else do you want from me?
Her: She just walked away
Fast foreword to last night. My aunt and uncle both told me I should go apologize to her because she was really upset over our confrontation. I told them no. I questioned her because she’s standing on your property just looking around in the backyard and under the house, why would I apologize for questioning someone snooping around the driveway and house? She also didn’t look frantic. She was like walking around peaking around with her hands on her hips.
After that, my uncle tried guilt tripping me by telling me her husband died recently (I had no idea she was even married). So I responded “Okay but what does that have to do with me confronting her snooping around? Then he just scoffed and turned away from me?
I’m sorry but am I really the bigger bastard here?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
So the other day I was heading to work and as I was walking out of the house I noticed across the street at my aunts house someone was in her driveway looking around the backyard trying to look over the fence and around the house.
Here’s the dialogue that transpired…
Me: Are you looking for someone? (In a stern, questioned kind of way. Not really a hostile way)
Her: I’m looking for my cat is that wrong?(In a rude entitled way)
Me: I just stared at her
Her: Your the nephew right?
Me: Sure.
Her: What you don’t recognize me? I introduced myself to myself to you before (Like 2 1/2 years ago, which was also the last time I spoke/saw her)
Me: Okay, well I don’t know you, nor did I recognize you trying to peak into my aunts backyard.
Her: Not sure why you don’t know me I said hello to you (she was really adamant about this…again 2 1/2 years ago)
Me: Okay well now I know. What else do you want from me?
Her: She just walked away
Fast foreword to last night. My aunt and uncle both told me I should go apologize to her because she was really upset over our confrontation. I told them no. I questioned her because she’s standing on your property just looking around in the backyard and under the house, why would I apologize for questioning someone snooping around the driveway and house? She also didn’t look frantic. She was like walking around peaking around with her hands on her hips.
After that, my uncle tried guilt tripping me by telling me her husband died recently (I had no idea she was even married). So I responded “Okay but what does that have to do with me confronting her snooping around? Then he just scoffed and turned away from me?
I’m sorry but am I really the bigger bastard here?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Was it wrong of me to confront my neighbor snooping around my aunts house across the street?
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
Check out our holiday break announcement here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yta. Not for stopping and asking but for your crappy attitude once she was identified and explained. Your aunt and uncle are the best judges here, they know their neighbor, take their advice and apologize. You really do not care that you stressed out a new widow unnecessarily being rude, who has also just lost her cat? Totally a compassionless arrogant AH.
I mean, if she was really looking for her cat, what’s the harm? Cops/ambulance tending to my grandmother recently let my cat out and I went on a neighborhood rampage looking for him, at 4am. Would make sense to look in the back yard and under a deck. I mean your aunt and her husband asked you to apologize, just tell her you were being overly cautious. We cat owners are a different breed. I woke the entire neighborhood up, didn’t care, called the precinct desk (screaming in my military voice) and told them if you start getting calls about someone snooping on the block, it’s me and you caused this.
YTA. It’s your aunt and uncle’s house. They didn’t have a problem with their neighbor looking for her cat.
YTA. You aren’t the one who needs to live near this woman…so you’ve basically just caused a headache for your aunt and uncle. Why did you escalate this? Clearly she wasn’t casing the house to rob it.
YTA – she was just looking for her car.
If she had burglary tools I’d understand.
There was no reason for you to be rude.
NTA. You should tell your uncle, “Fine, next time I see a stranger casing your house, I’ll just mind my own business and continue on my way.”
u/infernalarmageddon what do you think of this? slava latex
NTA – you don’t owe the woman any apology. Acting suspiciously on someone elses property warrants questioning.
She was immediately on the defensive upon you questioning her.
A simple “Hey! Yes ive lost my cat. He’s an orange tabby with long fur, have you seen him?” Is a lot less hostile than the response of “I’m looking for my cat. Is that wrong?”
Tell your aunt and uncle you will ignore all further suspicious behaviour of stangers on their property and follow through. Someone looks like they’re trying to break in? Oh well.
YTA
YTA. This could very well cause problems for your aunt/uncle. You should have told them and left it at that.
Peek
>Her: Your the nephew right?
Okay so it’s clear at this point in the conversation that she knows your aunt and uncle’s situation well enough to know you’er their nephew
>why would I apologize for questioning someone snooping around the driveway and house?
One, because you misunderstood the situation, and two because they’re asking you to.
>my uncle tried guilt tripping me by telling me her husband died recently
That’s not a guilt trip, that’s trying to talk you into being a decent human being.
>I’m sorry but am I really the bigger bastard here?
Yup, YTA. Just be clear it has nothing to do with you questioning the neighbor. That is was a reasonable thing to do. The reason you’re the AH is because you’ve continued to be a dick about even after you ascertained that there was nothing wrong.
NTA – I don’t see how your TA for questioning a stranger looking into your families yard. But you had to know Angry Woman Reddit was going to defend Crazy Cat Lady. Be safe out here in these Reddit streets, because they’re coming for you.
NTA.
The fact that you saw someone snooping at a house, across from you, that are relatives of yours and confronted them should be appreciated by your aunt and uncle.
YTA
Once you were corrected by the ACTUAL owners of the property as to how they felt about their neighbor looking in their backyard, your continued insistence that you have the right to decide whether or not and how to question someone on their property absolutely makes you the asshole.
Why were you stern? You immediately assumed she was being nosy. YTA because she was trying to let you know that she did know your family… because you were being “stern” and quite rude.
Did you offer to help her find the cat? No. But that would have been a kindness. I hope you can find that within yourself.
YTA grow up
NTA, you were concerned about someone you didn’t recognize snooping at your aunt’s property, but in this case you can also be diplomatic. Apologize to the neighbor like your Aunt wants and tell the neighbor you didn’t mean to come off as rude, but when you first saw her looking around you didn’t recognize her, therefore not realizing she was the neighbor and used the tone you used because you were trying to determine what she was doing because she could have been someone random, and that you would have used the same tone if you didn’t recognize someone snooping around her property as well because you were looking out for the neighborhood, and if you would have seen her clear enough to recognize her you would have responded differently.