TLDR: how can i tell if a relationship is worth fighting for or if i just need to be more patient/open?
Me f22 and my boyfriend m24 have been ‘together’ for over a year (became long distance halfway through) and about 5 months ago he broke up with me bc he needed to ‘work on himself and be better to treat me better’. He said he didn’t want to lose me, so we began this sort of together but no labels situation. Prior to this, he didn’t treat me the best. he was mean, selfish, left emotionally when things got hard, lied a few times etc. I sort of limited contact bc i took the breakup very hard and he always told me he’d be ready for a relationship again soon but always fell through bc ‘he thought he was ready then something came up and he realized he wasn’t’. after this dynamic for some time my bday and valentine’s day followed, both which he didn’t do anything special for. For valentine’s day specifically, i did expect a lot bc that day was special to me and i got nothing for my bday, and i felt like he could finally show me the love and appreciation he never did before. He didn’t make any plans, made me cry and then left our call because i pissed him off. I broke our situation off and after a few days of not responding to him, he texted me saying i abandoned him. He also told me valentine’s day was a hard day for him (something he NEVER communicated to me) and this led me to ask for more space bc i was really hurt. Now a few days ago we began talking again, and he told me we could’ve bridged the gap in our ‘relationship’ if i didn’t keep asking for space/limited contact, and called me abusive for constantly bringing up his past mistakes that he’s apologized for, he wasn’t that bad to me and i had my share of mistakes and im not innocent. I have done that, and i also did have my mistakes, but i told him he has not shown me that he’s changed or grown so that is the only image i have of him. He also said i treat him poorly bc of labels and that they don’t matter; it doesn’t matter if we’re together or not bc i shouldn’t be treating him differently. when i mentioned that the valentine’s day incident was only a month ago he said ‘fuck valentine’s day’ (which hurt bc it did mean a lot to me, and even after finding out it was a painful day for him i still feel upset i didn’t get treated better that day instead of being empathetic to him), and just generally came off very idgaf, nonchalant and borderline like a dick. After some talking we basically decided to talk more and feel if a relationship would be plausible but it’s only been a few days and i just don’t know if this is even worth it anymore. I feel like i do deserve better, but i worry i will not ever find better. I know my self worth is very low, but i do love him and i worry im not giving him a chance to showcase he’s changed and im being to harsh. I worry if i leave, im making a mistake and i would be losing my husband and the loml. i have so many questions and doubts, do i deserve better, can i find better, was i really getting treated badly etc. If anyone has advice on how to realize if my relationship is worth fighting for or how to stop being shrouded in doubt, i’d really appreciate it.