Hi all,
32F here. I will try to summarize my romantic life and get to the point. I was in a place where I was fully embracing being myself and being single / feeling more confident and learning about myself. Had some dating experiences where I realized you don’t have to put up with nonsense or play games (etc, bad communication, not making plans, love bombing)
I felt free after I said I would rather be happy single than give into games and emotion rollercoasters.
As soon as gave into being single, of course that’s when I meet the current guy I’m dating: lets call him “michael.” Michael initiates plans, reaches out every day, is clear with his communication. Is caring / reliable (brings food when I’m sick, comes over and changes a flat tire) a lot of amazing qualities. But when we talk sometimes I feel that we don’t always fully click. For example, I showed him some comedy videos I made, and he said he didn’t “get them.” Or will tease me about some of my interests or clothes I like etc. He claims his teasing is a form of flirting etc. I admit, I can be sensitive and overthink things but i question if I can really be myself with someone who doesn’t fully understand me. Granted, it hasn’t been long at all..and I’m trying to see where things go.
Has anyone felt or experienced something similar?
Comments
Nope. I don’t want teased by anyone. I don’t consider myself a source for your amusement.
I grew up with a father who teased everyone mercilessly. Guess who I’m no contact with
teasing is not a form of flirting. that is something we are told as early as elementary school. “if he picks on you that means he likes you” no no.
>He claims his teasing is a form of flirting etc.
Oh god, not the ‘good guy’ who enjoys using put-downs as banter. That’s a no for me.
I definitely wouldn’t date someone whose sense of humor made me uncomfortable. That type of behavior destroys emotional safety, which is crucial in a relationship.
I absolutely need to feel “seen” by someone in order to pursue a serious relationship with them.
If you say you don’t like it and he keeps doing it, it isn’t flirting.
Huh, contrary to the comments here so far I enjoy teasing as a form of flirtation and do it myself, but it needs to be lighthearted and feel fun, not like thinly-veiled insults.
Beyond that, though, you just have no chemistry with this guy. I think you’d both likely make solid life partners for other people, but not each other. I suspect you already know the answer to your question; otherwise, you wouldn’t have come to the number one place where people like to encourage posters to break up with their boyfriends/girlfriends/etc. to ask it!
Why would I *want* to date someone who doesn’t get me? Surely the whole point of having a partner is having that someone that *does* get you, to do life with? What’s the point of the relationship, if not that? Initiating plans and communicating clearly are bare minimum, not reasons to be with someone you ultimately just don’t get on with.
There’s a difference between being playful and someone’s teasing coming from a place of endearment and it just masking being cruel. Do you feel like it’s the latter?
I’ve dated guys who seemed great on paper but we just didn’t click. For me having a similar sense of humor is important. I can turn to my husband and tell him something I think is funny and I know he’ll find it funny too. Showing someone I’m with something I like or enjoy and having them say “I don’t get it” would be a turn off for me. You should feel understood in your relationship and it seems like you’re not.
Not worth it in my opinion. I’m very sensitive to teasing even when it’s meant to be good natured, I just don’t like it. My mom used to tease me about everything growing up and it’s a big trigger for me. If you express you don’t like this and Michael continues to do it, it’s not flirting, it’s being disrespectful and rude in my opinion.