Hi! My partner came to me and said “it’s been over a month since we had sex” he try’s to initiate ALL THE TIME and that makes me even less open to the idea of want for sex. I read online something that can help with this is scheduling sex.
I’m just wondering if anyone has experience with scheduling intimacy & if so how should we go about scheduling it ? My partner agrees with scheduling it. Please give advice.
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I think it depends on the underlying reasons why you aren’t having sex. If it’s a genuine lack of dedicated time, perhaps. If it’s because you are lacking the urge for it, setting up time isn’t going it fix that.
It’s a great solution for people who need it.
You can schedule it but that won’t necessarily make you want it. Do you know why it is you’re feeling less interested in sex? Are you experiencing a lot of stress at work or in your relationships with others? Are there any medications impacting your libido? Is sex actually enjoyable for you (many women report having way fewer orgasms than their male partners, which for me would probably generate a “why bother?” response). Inequitable division of responsibilities at home? Have you had a child in the past couple of years and you’re feeling tapped out from physical contact/responsibilities related to that?
If he’s okay with scheduling it then sure that’s literally no effort to do that, but there could be a root cause you can work together to reduce or eliminate.
Are you two not compatible?
I personally haven’t but I’ve seen others do it. I think it works if the reason a couple isn’t having sex is because they’re both extremely busy and if they don’t deliberately set time aside for intimacy their time will automatically get filled up with other stuff. This is a solution to a time management problem however, it is not a solution to a problem stemming from a lack of desire or motivation.
As it sounds more like a desire issue, I don’t think it’ll work for you.
This might be unpopular but I’m of the belief that if you need to schedule sex, or one party is always asking and the other party finds it a chore, you’re not compatible.
I would not stay in a relationship where there were weeks between rounds (barring recovery from a surgery or something) nor one where I felt like I had to persuade someone to have sex with me. No-one owes me sex, and I wouldn’t pressure them. But nor would I stay. I would be mortified if someone had sex with me like it was ticking off a chore.
He’s not wrong for wanting it, you’re not wrong for not wanting it. But it does sound like you’re incompatible.
for me, having sex reminds me that i like sex and want more of it–so scheduling it if we’re in a slump gets us back in our groove. but if the reason you’re not having sex is that you genuinely don’t enjoy it, or something related to mental or physical health, this might not work for you.