Hi Reddit. Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (22F) am in my final year at university, and I’ve always had a really good connection with one of my professors (let’s call him Dr. L). He’s not super young (mid-30s, I think), but he’s always been supportive, respectful, and honestly one of the best mentors I’ve had.
Over the past year, I developed feelings for him—not just a silly crush, but something deeper. I knew it was complicated and not ideal, but I also knew he was never inappropriate or anything. He kept clear professional boundaries even when we talked during office hours or when he supported my research projects.
A couple weeks ago, after a rough day and too much overthinking, I sent him a long message (private, respectful, no pressure) basically admitting I had feelings for him. I told him I understood if he didn’t feel the same, and I made it clear I wasn’t expecting anything—just needed to be honest.
He never replied. The next day in class, he seemed cold and kind of… distant. Totally professional, but different. Then things got worse.
Apparently, one of my “friends” saw the message on my laptop when I left it open in the dorm. They told multiple people, and it spread like wildfire. Now there are rumors everywhere that I “hit on” him or “tried to seduce him for grades,” which is NOT true. Dr. L has started looking stressed and avoids eye contact. He hasn’t been the same, and I feel like I completely ruined his peace—and possibly his career.
Now people are saying I’m the reason he’s considering taking a leave. Some of my classmates are calling me selfish or reckless, and honestly, I’m starting to feel like maybe they’re right.
I never meant for any of this to get out or for him to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in his job. I just thought it was better to be honest in private rather than carry this silent crush for months. But now I’ve humiliated him, and myself, and maybe jeopardized his whole career.
So… Reddit, AITA for confessing my feelings to my professor, even though it was private? Am I the asshole for how it all played out?
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Hi Reddit. Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (22F) am in my final year at university, and I’ve always had a really good connection with one of my professors (let’s call him Dr. L). He’s not super young (mid-30s, I think), but he’s always been supportive, respectful, and honestly one of the best mentors I’ve had.
Over the past year, I developed feelings for him—not just a silly crush, but something deeper. I knew it was complicated and not ideal, but I also knew he was never inappropriate or anything. He kept clear professional boundaries even when we talked during office hours or when he supported my research projects.
A couple weeks ago, after a rough day and too much overthinking, I sent him a long message (private, respectful, no pressure) basically admitting I had feelings for him. I told him I understood if he didn’t feel the same, and I made it clear I wasn’t expecting anything—just needed to be honest.
He never replied. The next day in class, he seemed cold and kind of… distant. Totally professional, but different. Then things got worse.
Apparently, one of my “friends” saw the message on my laptop when I left it open in the dorm. They told multiple people, and it spread like wildfire. Now there are rumors everywhere that I “hit on” him or “tried to seduce him for grades,” which is NOT true. Dr. L has started looking stressed and avoids eye contact. He hasn’t been the same, and I feel like I completely ruined his peace—and possibly his career.
Now people are saying I’m the reason he’s considering taking a leave. Some of my classmates are calling me selfish or reckless, and honestly, I’m starting to feel like maybe they’re right.
I never meant for any of this to get out or for him to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in his job. I just thought it was better to be honest in private rather than carry this silent crush for months. But now I’ve humiliated him, and myself, and maybe jeopardized his whole career.
So… Reddit, AITA for confessing my feelings to my professor, even though it was private? Am I the asshole for how it all played out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was confessing my feelings to my professor, even though I knew it could put him in an uncomfortable or compromising position professionally.
I believe I might be the asshole because, even though I meant it as a private and respectful message, it forced him into a situation where he has to navigate professional boundaries, potential rumors, and damage to his reputation. He didn’t consent to be put in that spot, and now it’s affecting his behavior and possibly his career. I didn’t intend for it to escalate like this, but my decision clearly had consequences for him, and I can see why someone might think it was selfish or inappropriate of me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I just want to clarify that I never expected or wanted anything from Dr. L—I wasn’t hoping for a relationship or trying to cross any lines. I fully understood the power dynamics and the potential implications, which is why I was extremely careful with how I worded the message. It was meant to be private and respectful, just me being honest about something that had been weighing on me for a long time.
The issue is that someone I trusted invaded my privacy and shared the message, which led to rumors and assumptions that were never true. I never approached Dr. L in person, never flirted, never acted inappropriately—just sent one private message that got exposed without my consent.
Now it feels like I’m the one who started a mess, even though it wasn’t supposed to be public. I care about Dr. L’s well-being and feel terrible that he’s being affected. I’m questioning if my decision to be honest, even respectfully, was ultimately selfish, knowing the risk it could pose to him as a professional. That’s why I’m here—I genuinely want to know if I crossed a line by confessing at all, even in private.
YTA
What were you thinking
You are a student, you should have never confessed to him… yes you will definitely have the reputation of to seduce a professor
YTA. You Definity crossed a line, and borderline harassed the poor man. He can’t even do his job without being objectified by you. Yes, you should have kept it yourself or a therapist and if it’s really that well known you should go to the school just to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble.
I also don’t believe you didn’t expect anything out of this. WTF did you expect to happen?
YTA, you seem very immature and that is what caused this situation.
YTA
You’re young, but you need to start thinking about how your actions impact others. An instructor dating a student could get them in big trouble. By confessing your feelings, you violated the professional boundaries of your relationship with him. At best, this would put him in an awkward situation where he is obligated to reject you but may fear retaliation from doing so. And you’re starting to see what could happen at worst: rumors that hurt both his and your reputation.
You also need to realize that you almost put yourself in a potentially bad situation. What if he had accepted your feelings? Now you’re in a situation where others may find out and say you didn’t earn your accomplishments (even more than they are now). Or worse, you realize he isn’t actually a good partner but are obligated to stay with him for fear of retaliation.
You are not a horrible person for this. You’re young, and you’re still learning. But let this be an important lesson. It is not always appropriate to act on your feelings. You don’t need to be “honest,” especially when the timing isn’t great (at the least you could have waited till after graduation, even though I still wouldn’t encourage doing so). Acting on your feelings when you know the situation is complicated can have serious consequences for you and those around you.
I doubt you’ve seriously hurt his career at this point. But if anyone higher up does ask you about it, be honest: he was never anything but professional and ignored you when you confessed your feelings. The best thing to do now is to avoid being alone with him or privately reaching out to him to avoid further rumors.
Yta. You made him feel uncomfortable. There was zero need to tell him as you know he doesn’t and can’t reciprocate. This should be a learning opportunity for you.
YTA You say you didn’t expect or want anything from him. Then what was the point? Why would you send this? For you own weird fantasy???? Yes. You crossed a line. A pretty big one. And honestly other people knowing is just a side effect of your stupidity. You were TA to put him in that position to begin with no matter who else knew.
ESH, in different ways.
You should never have confessed to him. Honesty isn’t always the best policy, even if you knew nothing would come out of it. If you need to tell someone, that’s what your friends and therapist are for.
There was zero chance of your professional relationship surviving this, and very little chance this could ever have stayed private. From his perspective, the only safe response is to start ignoring you and tell administrators about this message so he can get ahead of any drama. In the best case, you kill your professional relationship with him and make him unwilling to be alone with you again. In the worst case, allegations spread around and he gets investigated or fired, has his career ruined.
On the other hand, your “friend” knew what they were doing spreading this around. They knew this would ruin your reputation too. Even if this was dumb, you both deserve to handle this fallout privately without rumors and bullying.
YTA. What exactly were you hoping for when you sent this message? Also why couldn’t you have waited till after you graduate?
YTA
Not every feeling needs to be acted on. In fact, part of being a mature adult is understanding when you should not act on your feelings because doing so would be inappropriate or could cause harm to another person. This person set and kept clear boundaries, and you disrespected those. They indicated with their behavior that they were only interested in a professional relationship, and you were the one who chose to try and cross those boundaries they set and enforced. Now, that is having major consequences for them.
Sometimes you need to keep your feelings to yourself and deal with them privately. The message itself was disrespectful because you were given no indication it would be welcome and every indication it would not be. At the very least, you should have respected him professionally enough to keep your feelings to yourself until you were no longer a student and there was no longer a serious professional conflict for him. You didn’t “need to be honest”. You weren’t going to explode and die if you didn’t say anything. You could have easily kept this to yourself, but you chose to only think of yourself and what you wanted. You did start this mess with your actions, and it played out in a very predictable way. Next time, you need to consider not just how you feel, but whether the other party is likely to be receptive and whether your actions could have negative consequences for others.
But learn this lesson. Your feelings are not justification to disrespect others’ boundaries and ignore the signals they are giving you. If you ever develop feelings for a married coworker who is also keeping things strictly professional, you would be in for a world of hurt if you decided to act on those feelings in any way. No matter how “privately” or “respectfully” you tried to disrespect their boundaries by giving your feelings priority.
I just feel like the AITA answer is so obvious here. Like you already know
Yta
NTA, the age gap isn’t that bad, you really should have waited until he was no longer your mentor to send that kind of thing though. Your “Friend” is the real asshole here, they shared private messages that ruined both you and your Professor’s reputation.
This isn’t an AITA situation. Your friend is in the wrong for running her mouth, but what were you doing with this message out in public to the extent that someone else saw it on your computer?
And I know you’re really young, but it is not always better to confess your feelings. In fact, often it’s better not to! Your professor is much older than you and probably doesn’t think about you the same way…and if he did, that would be inappropriate and he’d rightly take a reputation hit from acting on it. I know you said you don’t expect anything from him, but when you share information with someone that’s socially or emotionally fraught, it’s not fair to expect them to pretend the information doesn’t exist. You sent an inappropriate message to your professor; him pulling back from the relationship is the natural consequence of your actions.
YTA – you said he’s always been professional & never inappropriate.
He’s never given you a reason to think he reciprocated your feelings in any way & you say you never expected anything.
If you truly liked him then you should have looked past your own selfishness & had the smallest idea of how something like this could affect his career.
You also say one of your friends saw the message on your laptop, but haven’t clarified how. Did you just leave it open with the msg open for anyone to see or were they genuinely snooping & looking through your stuff?
YTA. You owe him a huge, and very public, apology. Stand up and do it.
YTA. “I fully understood the power dynamics and the implications.”
Obviously you really, really did not and do not. Grown ups’ lives are ruined by childish passions like yours.
You wouldn’t have sent it, or left it where others could read it (not that they’re in the clear here!) if you did understand.
YTA
YTA, but the fact that you have to ask means you also either clueless or some raging narcissist wanting to be the center of attention.
YTA.
The rumours alone could completely fuck up his career.
Writing as a college professor here: yes, you’re absolutely the asshole! You’re lucky “Dr. L” didn’t simply kick you out of his class and start disciplinary action against you. I’m sure he reported that email to the various, appropriate administrative offices to cover his ass, too. Because I would.
I doubt you’ll get in any kind of serious or legal trouble for it, but you can kiss that professional relationship goodbye.
YTA
If you really felt like you had to write this letter and wanted to connect with this man it should not have happened until you were not his student any more. If you really cared and respected this man, it would have waited until then. Do you even know if he was married?
You knew you were going to put him in a bad place with this while you were his student. You knew that. You also have to be aware that when you send stuff to his school email its not private. In HS my kids had to sign papers to say they were aware that the school had 100% access to the school emails accounts and hardware and they couldn’t consider these as personal or private. The University has access to all emails that are managed by the university. So that and you letting your friend have access to this message really looks like you wanted it to get out even if you don’t like the results now.
Yta and old enough to know not to put something like that in writing. However, why didn’t he go to his superior to clear his name as soon as you sent that email?
YTA. How awkward. Large age gap, forced interactions. All in all just gross. And furthermore, you typed this out publicly enough for other people to read it in a common space over your shoulder? How does that even happen.
Yta, left the messages open? Sounds more like you wanted them to be found.
You are the idiot. If he had returned your feelings, started a relationship He would have been FIRED…Either way he is protecting himself from you because it got out about your feelings. You need to transfer to another class 🙄 or Not interact with him til you have your final class. You are Just young and stupid which is unfortunately bad for your professor….You will have to ride out these rumors and gossip just like him. He is Not Allowed to have an personal relationship with a female student in his Classes.I hope you go to therapy but don’t fall in love with your Therapist. Getaway female Therapist as well.
YTA, but your friends are honorable mention AHs for spreading all this gossip. Yes, professors have a duty to keep relationships with students professional, but college students are adults and bear some responsibility here, too. He was professional. You were not. He is now paying the price for your lack of professionalism and carelessness in leaving this confession open and accessible where others could read it.
i think you definitely are the reason he’s considering taking a leave 💀
YTA. The fact that you sent this to him whilst still in his class does seem to suggest that you were trying to hit on him for a better grade.
just needed to be honest
Girl no you did NOT. Pls get over yourself. YTA
YTA, though sounds like it was naiveté that was the issue, not straight maliciousness. A written message is the WORST way to have told him. Even if you really felt like you had to tell him, an email or text or something is in written form, it’s there for as long as it will be! When people have issues with higher ups they always say to “get it in writing” and that’s exactly why you wouldn’t want to get that in writing!
How are you 22 years old and don’t know how inappropriate it is for a student to send this to their current teacher? Like maybe once your out of his class but come on. “Curry this silent crush” was definitely the option, you could’ve handled it I’m sure. YTA
YTA. Why would you message him if not to get an answer?
If you just wanted to vent, you should have sought counselling, because it sure can be a distressing situation. You made your problem his problem, too, and he was not an AH to keep his distance.
Your dorm colleague is also an AH, but I don’t think her responsibility is bigger than yours in this situation.
YTA. Your feelings are yours to deal with. When you confess your feelings for someone you very much are asking for something in exchange, because you are making your feelings their problem. It’s fine to ask someone out when you have feelings for them and it’s appropriate to do so, so that the other person can decide whether they want to explore the possibility of a romantic connection or not. If you are not asking them out, because one or both or you isn’t available, or because it would be otherwise inappropriate due to the circumstances (like in this case), or because you are too scared or don’t want to, or for any of the other myriad reasons why people don’t ask each other out, then your crush is not their problem, and it is inappropriate to make it their problem. Your feelings are between you and your journal, or your trusted friend(s), or your therapist, or the space between your ears. You are an adult, learn to keep your inside thoughts where they belong.
YTA
you should have kept your mouth shut and let the man do his job. There was absolutely no reason for you to say anything to him unless you were secretly hoping he would confess that he was interested in you.
your next step should be to march your ass to the deans office and explain your actions. Then you should apologize to your prof, in front of the dean. Take accountability for your actions.
you screwed up and could potentially ruin a man’s career because of a silly little school girl crush, because that’s exactly what it is.
This is very obviously chat gpt. Stop using the em dashes for fucks sake
YTA. You couldn’t even wait until you finished the class? And one of the biggest rules of thumb is to never hit on someone at work in their professional role. Way to completely blow any relationship- romantic or even professional- and embarrass yourself.
Is this even real? Why would you leave a sensitive email like that out on the open?
If this is in fact real, YTA.
YTA.
I can’t believe you’d write this down, and fail to see that you are the direct cause of this disaster.
Why on earth couldn’t you wait until you graduated to express your feelings to him?
YTA and this sounds made up. Yes, I know some people always use dashes, but the amount of them in the post and OP’s comment, along with the overall style feel very ChatGPT. Additionally, you’re a senior but you live in the dorms?
Further evidence of AI bullshit, the phrasing is weird: “one of my “friends” saw the message on my laptop when I left it open in the dorm.” Not “in my room,” or “when we were studying together,” but specifically in “the dorm.” Let’s generously assume that OP means in a common area with her friend; she wrote an incredibly vulnerable email confessing her feelings, and left it up on the screen?
Also just the general weirdness of this post. OP claims that she thought things through, but confessed to her professor who she actively has a class with? This is bullshit karma farming.
YTA
girl you should have at least waited until finishing college or no longer having classes with him lol
You developed feelings for him completely one-sidedly. That is a silly crush. It is not deeper. You then acted on your silly crush, and risked his career for no reason other than to make yourself feel better. YTA and you know it.
YTA not for having feelings, it happens when we grow close to people but for putting him in this situation by sending an inappropriate message and letting it get seen by others.
If you had become friends outside of this professional relationship and he was no longer your mentor that would have been a better time to share your feelings.
You owe this man an apology for crossing a line, but do not wait for him to be alone. He does not need to be “caught” alone with you right now, so keep it general “Hey I’m very sorry for what I sent, I realize now I crossed a line and affected us both, it will not happen again”
YTA but this is also a moment for you to realize that actions have consequences, even if they are unintended and not just about you. Sending the email wasn’t appropriate, you could have kept it to yourself and nobody would have known. I’m sure he didn’t need this in his life and what if he had a family and it gets out to them?
Also I seriously hope you aren’t “friends” with these other people who spread it around. They certainly aren’t friends with you.
Yes absolutely YTA. Would it have killed you to wait until after you’d graduated to make this declaration? Nice of you to ruin this guy’s career, in addition to his personal life (if he’s married or in a relationship). For future reference, not everybody who helps you (whether it’s a teacher, medical professional, coworker, or even your local coffee barista) does so because they “have feelings” for you! Some people are just trying to do their damn jobs, and the sooner you learn this, the better.
YTA, you’re 22 and never had a serious relationship, its NOT deep. It’s just lust.
Leave him alone or YOU will end up on the news in handcuffs.
YTA, even if you initiated it, any surfacing of that could be taken out of context and all blame and punishment falls on him. You risked his career because you couldn’t control your emotions.
YTA
He certainly will have to stop contact with you.
“. Now there are rumors everywhere that I “hit on” him ” .. well, you certainly did.
“nd maybe jeopardized his whole career.” ,, and yours.
YTA.
Everybody is entitled to a workplace free of sexual or romantic advances.
You breached his right to that.
YTA – There was no good outcome here. What were you even thinking? That you’re so mature for your age that you’re somehow going to be on the same level as your prof? If he responded positively to this, there would be something wrong with this.
NTA
Gotta shoot your shot.
Oi vey. Speaking as an academic who teaches a lot of very young people like you … this is our worst nightmare. The healthy helping of creeps that exist in higher education notwithstanding, most of us regard y’all, well, parentally, not as potential mates (ugh). Not only is there a whole sub-genre of literature about the terrible outcomes of prof/student relationships (… start with Coetzee’s Disgrace and go from there …), most institutions have very clear rules against such relationships, for excellent reasons. Plus, a “young” professor is unlikely to have tenure, meaning that his livelihood depends on the university’s regarding him as an asset rather than, say, the kind of dude who inspires undergraduate students to become romantically attached to him.
So. Your decision to “come clean” was misguided, to say the least. It would have put your professor into an awkward position, regardless of its being spread around. You may not be TA, but you acted with precisely the kind of immaturity that makes rules against faculty/student relationships so important. It’s late in the term, but you should earnestly consider withdrawing from his class. You should expect him to not serve as a mentor for you for any further projects. You should steer clear of him in all contexts, but especially one-on-one (a.k.a. in office hours). Do not write to him again. Do not contact him at all. Do not talk about the matter, neither to him nor to anyone else. If all goes well, the drama will be replaced by some new scandal shortly.
YTA, but gently. I’ve had many crushes on teachers my whole life and I understand how the infatuation messes with your judgment.
Yes, you crossed a line. I don’t understand how you left such a private message on your laptop and why you left it open. Don’t try to speak to him again. Pass the class and move on. His awkwardness and lack of reply is protecting both of you.
If you’re feeling bad enough, maybe you can reach out to a dean or department chair to admit what you did and reinforce that he in no way reciprocated or was inappropriate.
YTA. …what were you thinking??
So, you left your laptop open with the sent email on display. Totally believable story. Lol
Taught formerly in college and I’d be super pissed about it: YTA. I’m sure there are folks somewhere that would jump at your opportunity but you have to understand the character: supportive, happy to teach and cared about the well being of his students.
Now you’ve made him question his own integrity and make him really ask himself hard questions such as “how could I be foolish?”, “how could i have not seen this?” and even “will there be a point she claims something worse and I loose my job or even jail?”.
He’s having the worse thoughts in his head and will absolutely second guess everything and youve changed the trajectory of his career…great job on ruining someone’s life :/
Based on the title alone, YTA. Reading the full post, I remain unchanged.
YTA. This is his life and career. You had no business telling him about your crush.
The fact that you think this isn’t “just a crush” along with the fact that you allowed someone to see the email you sent makes me wonder if you’re actively trying to sabotage him in order to get what you want. YTA.
If the feelings aren’t reciprocated then it’s just a crush, it’s not something deeper if the other person has no feelings or is totally unaware
YTA
You were incredibly selfish sending the message to begin with, and incredibly foolish to leave your message platforms open.
YTA!
YTA – if you really felt such a “deep connection” why didn’t you just tell him in person? Then there would be no way for your friends to see any message. The fact you didn’t feel comfortable telling him in person, means it wasn’t really such a true connection. You were inappropriate and now you’ve made things awkward for your professor. Hopefully you can learn from this.
YTA x 1000. It’s entirely possible that he’s being forced to take a leave while the university investigates. You’ve also made his workplace very uncomfortable for him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he becomes wary about mentoring future students, so you’ve ruined future opportunities for others as well. A pretty big price to pay on his part for trying to do more than just the minimum for his job.
>Apparently, one of my “friends” saw the message on my laptop when I left it open in the dorm.
How does this happen? You left your laptop open with the message you send a couple of weeks ago pulled up? Your friend decided to go through your messages in case something juicy was in there?
This seems awfully convenient.
fake fake fake fake really really fake
Wow, YTA.
You have ruined this man’s life. He’s so stressed because the rumors could cost him his job. Even if he proves his innocence, even looking bad can get him fired.
You’re insanely selfish.
Sending that message put him in a terrible spot. You KNOW a teacher can’t date a student EVERYONE KNOWS THIS.
You should have waited until you graduated. What did you THINK would happen?
My god you are so selfish. How can you be so ignorant at 22?
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA. Even if your friend didn’t see and blab about the whole letter – how did you expect the prof to react to this?
Leaving this message somewhere someone else could find it makes you an asshole, yes.
YTA
you couldn’t even have waited to graduate??? just decided we were gonna hit on someone whose job it is to be around you? he could face serious consequences over your little unrequited crush
Contrary to others, you’re NTA for reaching out. But you are TAH for reaching out while you were still his student and for not keeping your message private.
Also, you’re young and it’s hard to tell the difference at that age, but your feelings were still a crush. A big crush, to be sure, but still just a crush. The “something deeper” part only comes after you spend time with someone building that connection.
YTA…for a couple of things. Sending that email in the first place, but then (who the hell does this?!?) leaving your laptop open (with your email app opened to that specific email?) and expecting no one to look were both simply bad decisions.
I feel sorry for the prof, he’s going to wear this – through no fault of his own – for a long time.
I doubt this is real.
Conners plot line?
You are 1000% the AH. There is no reason you needed to tell him that. He did not want to know that and you’ve ruined his reputation. Keep this shit to yourself.
YTA. Jesus. Not okay at all. Also, dude, you’re in April of your final year and you couldn’t wait till graduation? Still not okay, but has far fewer potential dangers for his career and personal life.
Oooooof. I totally get it, but still, YTA.
Game this out a bit.
You have a crush, and admit he’s done nothing to encourage that. This is totally normal, and I’m sure you’re not the only one in class who has a crush on him.
Do you expect him to reply and admit that he loves you? You’ll date for a while, move in, then have 2.5 kids, a Volvo and a cocker spaniel?
He’s forced to interact with you and now it’s awkward. If the rumor mill turns against him, it can cost him his career. Nobody will hire someone RUMORED to have inappropriate liaisons with students.
What you can do now is march over to the dean and explain this and get it on record that this was your doing, and yours alone, to help protect him from your actions in the future.
YTA – wtf would poses you to do something so dumb. And your friend just “happened to see it in your laptop” yea seems legit.
Some shit you take to your grave, OP. Yta
Gently, YTA. This was definitely something you should have kept to yourself. It would never be appropriate for a professor to have a relationship with a student, so by sharing your feelings with him you were only ever going to burden him with something that is a source of stress to him.
(As an aside, it would be good for you to learn now that the only mid-thirties or older men who want to date 22 year olds are creeps. I’m in my mid thirties and I can’t begin to tell you how young 22 year olds seem to me. The idea of having one as a romantic partner is laughable – I wouldn’t consider it, and neither would anyone I know who is halfway decent)
It was also really reckless to leave your laptop open with this confession on it. You’ve put your professor in a difficult position by acting in a way which has made him a source of gossip when he hasn’t behaved inappropriately at all.
I don’t think there is anything you can realistically do now except leave him alone, say nothing further and wait for it to die down.
YTA. This is much more frequently an issue for women but it doesn’t hold any less true for men. He’s at his place of work. Professor is his job and it sounds like he has behaved himself appropriately for the job. It is inappropriate to hit on people at their jobs. You’re like the 50 year old dude who confesses his love to his regular waitress because she smiles at him. But this is worse because you know him reciprocating your sentiment would get him in trouble. You say you love him but you don’t know anything about this person other than that he was kind to you in his professional role. You don’t even know his age, you don’t know if dating married etc, I doubt you even really know his hobbies or interests. It’s also really coincidental that you left your computer open sitting on a message that someone else found.
YTA
It’s only private if it lives and stays with you. You lost expectations of privacy the moment you decided to send that message.
oh please… you just happened to leave your laptop open, just to that message and someone happened to read it? 🙄
My action was confessing my feelings to my professor, even though I knew it could put him in an uncomfortable or compromising position professionally.
YTA. You said it perfectly. You thought about yourself and your ‘feelings” and damn him.If it hasn’t already, this could ruin his life, especially since it could follow him around. People will put a CLOSE EYE on him as a potential predator or seducer of his students. He COULD LOSE HIS CAREER, his relationships, etc.
I just thought it was better to be honest in private rather than carry this silent crush for months.
Again, why do your feelings matter more than his? Why do your desires, feelings, and wants MATTER MORE than his? You DID put him in an incredibly uncomfortable position. It’s pure selfishness.
Of course, the people who spread the news are AH too.
My advice: Stay away from him. Do your work BUT NEVER EVER have small talk or anything. Be professional. Maybe write an email to the HEADS and CC HIM and say that nothing has occurred with him. That he has been professional and respectful. Ask what you could do to remedy this. Apologize to ALL of them (again by email). Never directly email him again even to apologize. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
Ok. YTA …I am curious what advice we can give you on how to fix this? Cos you about to mess with a good teacher’s lively hood. And we have too few good teacher’s as it is.
YTA what the fuck did you expect to happen when you sent him the message? If he reciprocated in any way he could have had his career ruined. So what did you think he was going to do? You wanted him to respond. He didn’t. He became even more professional with you.
And now you have caused this rumor that’s causing more stress.
Yes you fucked up. If you have feelings for a professor and you’re an adult, keep it to yourself, do not bring it up until you’re no longer the professor’s student (obvs minors do not EVER bring it up). Then if there’s interest it’s not a breach of professional ethics but just two adults not in a power dynamic.
Yta. Foolish of you to act on these feelings.
YTA for saying mid-30s isn’t young.
YTA. You knew it was wrong but still decided to “follow your heart” and now look at what’s it’s caused. Next time use that smart college brain of yours and don’t stoop down to some giddy tween fawning over an older boy.
YTA
Couldn’t wait until the semester is over?
Girl. What the fuck.