I went out to dinner with two of my friends. We all order our food and then before we get our check I ask the waiter if we can have separate checks. I always do this unless it’s my parents, partner, or if I’m treating a friend for a special occasion.
My friends drink alcohol and/or they order add-ons to food that are more expensive ($3-$10 extra). I usually only drink water since I don’t drink alcohol and I order fairly inexpensive meals around $10-$15.
After I asked for separate checks one friend said we should just split the check evenly because it’s easier for the waitress and less complicated for them. I told her I just ordered one basic thing and I would prefer to just pay for what I ordered. The other friend was ok with it because we eat out often and we always get separate checks. Sometimes I’ll pay for him though if he doesn’t order alcohol and his meal isn’t expensive because he has been generous in other ways.
The friend who wanted to split the check I don’t eat out often with her because this is a repeated pattern. She won’t even ask to split the check she usually orders what she wants and our male friend in the group is left with the entire bill. If one person ends up paying I will Zelle him the money for what I ordered. She doesn’t do this. He’ll just pay it and won’t say anything because he feels awkward talking about money (he doesn’t make much). Our other friend is a single mother so she tries not to spend much.
If it wasn’t for me imitating the separate checks conversation then it would all fall on my male friend or I’d be paying more for splitting the check versus for what I ordered. I don’t think that’s fair to him or me. She will pay him back in order ways such as picking up the tab on smaller priced items such as ice cream or something but she ends up paying significantly less than us and I’ve put a stop to it.
She told me I can ask for my own check separate but I don’t need to tell them to separate hers from his if he wants to pay for her. She said he hasn’t been complaining so I need to mind my business. She said I’m interfering with her meal and I should just focus on my own bill and not ask for the entire table to be separate or split because he “obviously doesn’t mind paying”. I told her I’m just making things fair for us because I don’t want to pay more for my own tab. She told me I should just not say anything and let him pay because he’s the man in the group and he never complains with doing so. She said if he wanted separate checks he can just ask for it but he doesn’t so we don’t need to make a deal about it.
If we get a ride share to go out I will always automatically send money to my friend who pays for it (or he’ll send me the money if I do) but she won’t unless explicitly asked.
She’s a good friend but she does get away a lot with not paying for her meals or getting the cheap end of the deal.
I had one other friend who was much worse than this. She didn’t have cash at the time and I paid for something. I asked her for the money back later (Zelle) and she read my message and ignored my request to pay me back $30 so we aren’t friends anymore.
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I went out to dinner with two of my friends. We all order our food and then before we get our check I ask the waiter if we can have separate checks. I always do this unless it’s my parents, partner, or if I’m treating a friend for a special occasion.
My friends drink alcohol and/or they order add-ons to food that are more expensive ($3-$10 extra). I usually only drink water since I don’t drink alcohol and I order fairly inexpensive meals around $10-$15.
After I asked for separate checks one friend said we should just split the check evenly because it’s easier for the waitress and less complicated for them. I told her I just ordered one basic thing and I would prefer to just pay for what I ordered. The other friend was ok with it because we eat out often and we always get separate checks. Sometimes I’ll pay for him though if he doesn’t order alcohol and his meal isn’t expensive because he has been generous in other ways.
The friend who wanted to split the check I don’t eat out often with her because this is a repeated pattern. She won’t even ask to split the check she usually orders what she wants and our male friend in the group is left with the entire bill. If one person ends up paying I will Zelle him the money for what I ordered. She doesn’t do this. He’ll just pay it and won’t say anything because he feels awkward talking about money (he doesn’t make much). Our other friend is a single mother so she tries not to spend much.
If it wasn’t for me imitating the separate checks conversation then it would all fall on my male friend or I’d be paying more for splitting the check versus for what I ordered. I don’t think that’s fair to him or me. She will pay him back in order ways such as picking up the tab on smaller priced items such as ice cream or something but she ends up paying significantly less than us and I’ve put a stop to it.
She told me I can ask for my own check separate but I don’t need to tell them to separate hers from his if he wants to pay for her. She said he hasn’t been complaining so I need to mind my business. She said I’m interfering with her meal and I should just focus on my own bill and not ask for the entire table to be separate or split because he “obviously doesn’t mind paying”. I told her I’m just making things fair for us because I don’t want to pay more for my own tab. She told me I should just not say anything and let him pay because he’s the man in the group and he never complains with doing do. She said if he wanted separate checks he can just ask for it but he doesn’t so we don’t need to make a deal about it.
She’s a good friend but she does get away a lot with not paying for her meals or getting the cheap end of the deal.
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> I told my friend I won’t be splitting the check and she told me I need to mind my business and stop interfering if our friend wants to pay for us.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, she not a friend she a mooch.
How dare you (checks notes), not pay for your entitled friend’s leech-like behavior?
NTA
(squints)
> She said I’m interfering with her meal
God DAMN she straight up shouted the quiet part out loud
edit
>She’s a good friend but she does get away a lot with not paying for her meals or getting the cheap end of the deal.
No, she’s not a good friend. She is however, an excellent parasite. Benefit the hosts just enough to avoid detection.
NTA. I waited tables for many years. It’s not difficult to split a check for 3 people. If your friend isn’t bothered by splitting the balance with her, that’s his business. Perhaps you should ask him how he really feels when she isn’t around. If he doesn’t care, just get your own check. If he’s just being polite, ask him to back you up and get his own check. Don’t let the mooch control the situation.
NTA – it will be disappointing if you continue to hang out with this leech. Given you are describing a pattern of behaviour it is already a little disappointing, tbh.
She’s rude and cheap, taking advantage of you and the other friend.
this isn’t a date, so I really can’t see why she is so adamant that the male friend should be paying on her behalf (not going into dating, an unreasonable demand IMHO there too).
It seems it is about time someone put an end to this, And your friend doesn’t seem to be comfortable doing it himself. And her nerve of accusing you, and saying he should have paid for her, as he doesn’t seem to mind, so entitled, disrespectful and lacking any empathy or thinking about others.
NTA. Sorry you thinlk of her as a good friend. She doesnt see you the same way I can guarantee. She’s a user, and users dont really have friends. She has exploitees. Tell your male friend its ok to tell the grifter that he cant cover her this time. He should try it and see how good a “friend” she really is. Likely she will show her true colors.
NTA. You put in place a boundary that feels comfortable to you. You also are (in my opinion) very respectful to your friends and pay for yourself and not leave them hanging to dry or low on funds.
Your “good” friend is as good as they claim. They’re using people to get free food and doesn’t want that to end. Someone like you whether intentionally or not prevent free food for them.
Whenever I go out with friends I always make plans ahead of time that I’ll pay for my share ay least. A group of us about once a month do happy hour. What works for us is we take turns paying because we usually order the same things each time. It works for us. And we’re comfortable with it.
You are NTA for asking for separate checks simply because doing so undermined your friend’s efforts to take advantage another one of your friends. That’d be silly if that made you the AH.
NTA. But also, this person isn’t a good friend. I’m not saying that for every occasion you need to be a stickler about paying back someone or keeping a tally of whose turn it is. But she’s rarely if ever returning the favor. I have 2 kids and am a single parent. If a friend wanted to do dinner and I didn’t have extra money, then I say so and offer to do a meal at one of our places.
This friend is using you guys and not speaking up allows her to continue to do so.
Just a suggestion, just agree on having take-out than dining in. It’s just a suggestion.
NTA. She’s not a friend. She’s a user. I wouldn’t invite her out anymore.
I’m not going to make a judgment. However, I have some concerns with your behavior:
If you’re going to ask for a separate check, then do it when they are taking the orders. That seems like it would be easier. I could be wrong, as I’ve never waited tables. But it would make it easier at the end when they have to try to figure out which customer ordered which items.
Since you only ordered one thing, you could’ve just allowed everything to be on one check and then given money for your one item.
Your friend is right; you could’ve asked for a separate check for your own stuff and left the rest of them. After all, they are all adults and it’s really none of your business.
Your friend is a leach and the fact that she even admits taking advantage of him makes her a bad person. Time to ditch her as a friend. Who does this to a friend?
Not the asshole. Separate checks all the way.
The only person who gets to argue that separate checks is easier for the waitress is someone who is not going to benefit from the arrangement.
NTA
But you guys aren’t friends, you’re both her wallet
Next time she says separate checks aren’t necessary say “wow, you’re treating? Thank you so much”
To be honest, I agree with her. Ask for your own check and let the other two deal with theirs.
NTA – this is the way.
NTA. It’s more fair to split. I still wish restaurants would do that here in the US – where you order and pay, THEN sit down and they bring the food out.
I wonder what would happen if everyone went out to a very expensive restaurant, ordered up the wine, lobster etc.
Then “we’ll all split it evenly”, and see her squirm?
But naaaaaah. Stop going if she’s invited.
NTA. Your friend needs to learn to stand for himself. In the meantime, it’s fine to opt out of subsidizing the mooch’s food.
You don’t srink alcohol. NTA
NTA. If she’s this stingy, she’s not that good of a friend, I reckon.
NTA. I would tell her, “He minds. Everyone minds. I am trying to protect you from your lack of training or manners before it costs you friends. You are being a mooch.”
NTA. And she’s a bad friend. Nothing wrong with asking for help when in need, etc. but to assume and take advantage is just bad and shows a lack of empathy and care.
NTA
And I don’t think she is a good friend. Good friends don’t use their friends that way
NTA If male friend wanted to pay, he would have piped up when you asked for separate checks. He would have said, you can leave ours together.
It is clear he didn’t want to be guilted by cheapskate. Stop inviting her.
Nta for wanting to pay separately. You are an ass though, for asking for separate checks AFTER you’re done eating! That is a lot of extra work for the waiter!
First, they have to find a manager to void items. Then they have to rering everything. After which, they have to run to each area you ordered from! Hey chef, don’t make the top sirloin or the filet, they are re-rings. Then off to the bar, and the appetizer window. Then they can co.e back with the separate checks.
The time to ask for separate checks is BEFORE you order. Anything else is rude!
“She’s a good friend…” ??? NO. She’s a selfish entitled blood-sucking parasite. Continue to do what you did. You requested separate checks. If she wants to unify her check with the open-wallet friend, let them speak up and give their own instructions but don’t you stop requesting your own check in order to facilitate her scheming. What she is doing is disgraceful.