i feel embarrassed, stupid and immature.
i’ve been dieting and losing weight for almost 2 months now. yesterday i had a cheat day i budgeted for, and i’ve been having a really bad week with PMS combining with my PDD. i talked to my mom about both (we live together while i’m trying to recover from a burnout induced breakdown).
i ordered two meals so i could save one for today. when i got to warming up the one for today, i opened the box and discovered half of it was missing (i know it wasnt the restaurant because i checked before putting it away yesterday). at first i thought i had eaten it and forgot, but i checked the garbage and it wasn’t in the one i used yesterday. it was in one that she used yesterday after i went to bed.
she’s always had a problem with eating my saved food or eating food i’ve bought to last a week in one day. i don’t know why she only does it with mine. i have a younger sister, and a cousin that my mom is supporting, and she has never and would never do stuff like that to them. if anything, when she goes to see them she brings bags and bags of food. one time i mistakenly thought the food was for here, and she yelled at me for touching it. i didn’t even get to the point of opening it, let alone eating it.
in the past we used to have big blowups over food like this and says that i traumatized her, i’m making a big deal over nothing and i’m always mean. so i stopped saying anything when she would eat my food like that. eventually she stopped, and instead started asking before or at least telling me right when she does it and apologizing.
today was the first time in a long time she’s done something like this, and it’s making me feel several emotions that are only spiralling more and more out of control. firstly, i feel disappointed in myself because i’m so upset over something petty. i’m autistic and i struggle to adapt to deviations like this well. my mom either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care, so i can’t explain how i feel to her meaningfully without her making fun of me or deciding it doesn’t matter. i feel like i’m always stuck being a slave to these meltdowns, and admittedly it’s been a while so i feel even worse. secondly, i feel exhausted. there’s no point in confronting her because she’s going to guilt-trip me and i don’t have the energy to feel worse about myself. i want to protect my mental health. thirdly, i feel like there’s something wrong with me. i don’t understand why she only does stuff like this to me. either she cares enough about other people’s feelings to not do it, or she’s taking advantage of who i am. in recent years i’ve noticed that my sister does the same disrespectful things to me like borrowing money and not paying it back or making me buy her things on her birthday because she’s seen and heard my mom set up the expectation that i’m not allowed to be mad about these things. i also feel like while i’m struggling, and my mom is helping me with things like housing and occasionally food, i can’t be upset by things like this. ultimately i’m causing a bigger burden than the individual things she does to hurt my feelings.
tia for anyone who reads, i’m sorry this is so long. i’m just feeling isolated and hopeless for the first time in weeks and i’m struggling a lot.
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I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
You have to believe that this is her problem. Taking someone else’s food and making them feel bad about it is abusive. A mother should not take food from her child or make fun of her child. Ever. This is not your fault.
I don’t know how old you are… but I recommend you move out on your own as soon as possible. Then you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your mom, if any.
If you’re old enough to move out, I would make that a priority. It sounds like you’re in a household that isn’t healthy for you, which is probably what’s leading to what you’re calling meltdowns. I was miserable while I lived with my dad, and as soon as I was out on my own I noticed I was immediately calmer and less prone to anxiety attacks.
My other advice is, while I know it’ll suck because it’s more work per day: don’t a week’s worth of food if someone in the house is going to eat it before you can. Get food day by day, or get things only you like and that she hates. At least until you’re in your own place where there isn’t a risk of someone eating your food.
And finally, there’s nothing wrong with you- sometimes people, including parents, just decide to pick on one person because they can. Nobody deserves their food, especially food they paid for, being eaten out from under them.
There should be a specific word for the disappointment you feel when somebody else eats your leftovers.
I’m sorry that happened. Can you afford to buy a mini fridge and keep it in your room so you can have control over the food you have for yourself?
Does your mom have binge eating disorder? Genuinely. Would it be possible to approach her like you have concern about her eating disorder? Either she may actually take it to heart, or hopefully at least be embarrassed out of eating your food.
You are not a burden for living with your mom, you are her child. If you’ve been made to feel like a burden, ask yourself who first made you feel that way.
I’m sorry it sounds like your mother is struggling with some mental health issues and is unfairly directing that at you.
Did you ask her to not eat the food?