I am a 31F and I feel like I have been going through this phase for quite some time. I don’t exactly have a name for it. I will get this self doubt in myself, shame even and then lose a bit of myself fight a bit with myself and gain some confidence and have this “idgaf” attitude and then something happens and it shakes that confidence and repeat. (I may also add – I am not religious. I do not seek advice on church or God but I am also not against people and their beliefs if they use they speak on it.)
Within the last few years, I’ve lost and cut off a lot of friendships. I lack a lot of trust in the world and within myself. The past year, I finally got myself with a psychiatrist who got me a few medications and got me started in a good direction for a healthy life change. But not everything is different – I am not changed and healed.
But when the thought of paying someone to talk and unload to and tell me things I may already know – or to fake being nice to me, feels weird. It feels like a waste of time. I feel like I am paying someone to be a friend. But then when I do talk to people, I find my things to heavy to unload and too complicated to explain.