Okay so, I live with Kyle. Kyle has many talents—leaving empty milk cartons in the fridge, using my shampoo, and most importantly, eating literally everything I buy like his name’s on the lease. Spoiler: it’s not.
After confronting him politely (twice), impolitely (once), and psychically (unsuccessfully), I decided to try a new approach: ancient fake curses.
I started labeling my food like:
“Touch this and your pillows will always be slightly damp.”
“This sandwich is bound by the spirits of lactose. They know your sins.”
“Whoever eats this hummus shall develop a mysterious, incurable itch.”
And it worked. Like, really well. He hasn’t touched my food in two weeks and now refers to the fridge as “the cold tomb.”
But yesterday he brought his girlfriend over, and apparently she saw one of the labels (“If you eat this, your next 3 relationships will be with people who clap when the plane lands”) and got really freaked out. Now she thinks I’m cursed or some kind of food witch, and Kyle says I’m “ruining the vibe.”
So… AITA for using fake curses to keep my roommate from eating my food?
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Okay so, I live with Kyle. Kyle has many talents—leaving empty milk cartons in the fridge, using my shampoo, and most importantly, eating literally everything I buy like his name’s on the lease. Spoiler: it’s not.
After confronting him politely (twice), impolitely (once), and psychically (unsuccessfully), I decided to try a new approach: ancient fake curses.
I started labeling my food like:
“Touch this and your pillows will always be slightly damp.”
“This sandwich is bound by the spirits of lactose. They know your sins.”
“Whoever eats this hummus shall develop a mysterious, incurable itch.”
And it worked. Like, really well. He hasn’t touched my food in two weeks and now refers to the fridge as “the cold tomb.”
But yesterday he brought his girlfriend over, and apparently she saw one of the labels (“If you eat this, your next 3 relationships will be with people who clap when the plane lands”) and got really freaked out. Now she thinks I’m cursed or some kind of food witch, and Kyle says I’m “ruining the vibe.”
So… AITA for using fake curses to keep my roommate from eating my food?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I started labeling my food with funny ancient curses to keep my roommate out of my food. I was told I’m ruining the vibe at he and want to know if this makes me an asshole or not the asshole. For I feel it make the roommate the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I am a big fan of the ‘modern problems require modern solutions’ meme.
But it turns out sometimes they require ancient solutions. Truly excellent work!
Love this post, brilliant!
NTA. A man who steals his roomate’s food shouldn’t have an advice on how you label your food.
NTA. That’s great, her reaction is great. Maybe use Google Translate to be able to write it in Sumarian or something. Or buy a roll of those stickers they put on poison and slap one on the wrappers.
NTA. I love this.
This is entertaining enough that I don’t even care if it’s bullshit or not. Well done
Wow, AI is getting better.
So the food thief thinks YOU’RE ruining the apartments vibe?
Interesting diagnosis… NTA
You’re creative. Come sit by me and let’s plot…