I (26 M) proposed to my fiance(26 F) last month. I have never been more excited to do anything than marrying my best friend. The wedding planning has been stressful but it’s totally worth it to see my best friend walk down the aisle. The problem is my dad wants me to invite my brother (29M). My brother is manipulative and a bully. Hes treated me like crap my whole life. During every birthday, Christmas and Easter, it all had to be about him. When it was time for me to pick my birthday meal, he always had to have a say. It If I wanted to have sausage pizza, he’d throw a fit till we got pepperoni(it’s the reason I hate pepperoni pizza). In high school he always had to make sure I was put down. If I got good grades, he would brag about having better grades. He did that kinda thing all the time. After my mother passed away, I gave up my dream of attending culinary school to take care of my dad. Even after I moved out, I help my dad more than my brother. When o told my dad I wasn’t inviting my brother, he lost it.
He told me I was selfish for not wanting to invite my brother. I wasn’t invited to my brother’s first wedding. He’s bullied me all my life. Even when going to other events, he’s made it about himself. I don’t want him to make my wedding about himself.
My dad is threatening not to come if I don’t invite my brother. I kinda just wanna cancel my the wedding and just get eloped. I love my fiance and can’t wait to see her in the dress but this whole thing is draining me emotionally
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Just tell ur dad that u don’t want to ruin your wedding (the most precious day of ur life) because of that asshole. Try understanding him. Tell him all the incidents he did.
Remind Dad of all brother has done
Tell Dad your wedding is no place or time for a reunion considering
If he wants you two to work things out then plan a luncheon for sometime after the wedding with you all present to discuss matters
If your dad decides not to attend your wedding just say ok your loss. You need this day to be lovely so plan and get excited. Invite people who love and support you. Your dad will have the regrets not you. Some members of my family were awful to me and I should have been stronger. I’m sending my strength to you and my motto now is do no harm but take no shit. Have a beautiful wedding and a fab life.
Just remind your Dad who’s done what for him. You tak8ng care of your Dad hasn’t been selfish. Remind him your brother is your biggest bully. If Dad chooses not to attend, that’s on him. Your brother isn’t invited. Be strong. Be firm.
If you cancel your wedding because of your brother then this time you have allowed it to be about him. Don’t. If dad can’t understand the importance of why you choose yourself and fiancé then it also sounds like dad has been an enabler of your brother’s behavior. Have one final discussion with dad and if he still says he won’t come then say ‘I really wish you’d be part of my day but I respect your wishes’ and carry forward.
So tell pops that he can stay home too. Marry your fiancé and enjoy your wedding with 2 less toxic people in attendance.
If your dad doesn’t want to come to your wedding, so be it…
Tell your dad to take care of himself the next time he needs something. Or call his favorite child. Because it isn’t you.
Invite your dad and not your brother. And if your dad doesn’t come, cut him out of your life.
Do NOT cancel your wedding. Your dad and brother will know it’s because of them and will take delight that they ruined your wedding. Have your wedding without them. Hire security.
Your dad has stood back and watched your brother treat you like shit and DONE NOTHING to stop it. He has been enabling your brother’s behavior for years. You don’t need either of them at your wedding because they will find a way to ruin it. Tell your dad, oh well and see you later.
If your Dad doesn’t want to come due to your brother not being invited, don’t fret. Just let him do that.
He’s willing to ruin your day for his feelings. Don’t let him.
You aren’t selfish to refuse to allow your abuser at your wedding.
Do not cancel your wedding and deprive yourself and your beautiful bride of that special day. Who gets hurt by that? Only the 2 of you and innocent friends and family that support you.
Tell your dad that your brother has always tortured you and made everything about himself and that your wedding is NOT the time for that and you will not subject your bride to that selfish and disrespectful behavior. Tell him that if he continues to choose your brother over you that he is making those choices and whatever consequences will come.
Make sure he understands to: “If you choose to support someone who has spent his life trying to make me miserable and one up me at every life event, then you are welcome not to come. The choice is yours. If you continue to try to force the issue, you will be uninvited. If you try to show up with my brother on the wedding day, you will both be removed from the venue and I will go no contact. You and I can have a relationship and you and my brother can have a relationship but at least for now, there will be no contact between my brother and I until he grows up apologizes and changes his behavior.”
They don’t invite your father
Your dad sounds like a bully, too. Just block him until the wedding is over. Just accept that he won’t be there and move on. Make this the best event you have ever had with people who actually want you to be happy. Anyone who chimes in get one chance, and then they are blocked.
Please don’t let either of them take away from your wedding.
Remind your father of all the poor behaviour you had to tolerate from your brother growing up, and how every event celebrating you was turned into “the brother show”. Remind him that a wedding is meant to celebrate the love between the bride and groom and is their day. One that you truly want to remain your day and inviting your brother will without a doubt bring about the opposite.
Was he kicking up a fuss when you weren’t invited to your brother’s first wedding? Did your dad still attend? Mention that as well.
Tell him that him digging his heels in and threatening not to go if your brother isn’t invited, is mirroring your brother’s behaviour and making your choices for your wedding about himself and your brother, who only HE wants at YOUR wedding.
Sometimes people don’t truly realize what they are asking for, without having the entire picture of a few decades painted on one canvass for them to see it for themselves.
Tell your Dad that he isn’t the main event at the wedding either, and if he doesn’t go, the show will still go on. The way the raised you kids is the reason for all of this, I’d tell him that, and then ask why he never defended you.
Don’t invite both of them. They’re both horrible and that day should be all about you and your fiancé
Tell your dad you are sorry he can’t make it. Have the wedding of your dreams and forget those who can’t celebrate you.
Your Dad may finally have to show everyone who his favorite son is by not attending your wedding.
Get security and give them a photo of your brother and maybe your father in case they storm the wedding together.
Your brother has a 100% rate of ruining your everything.
Of course he’s going to do it again!
Your Dad can live with his choices.
Congratulations!
Don’t let your asshole brother win again. You need to stand up for yourself and tell your father NO. If you elope, you are just avoiding the problem. Your brother has manipulated your family your whole life, it’s time he finds out he’s not in control anymore.
Let Dad stay home with your brother. Your wedding doesn’t need either of these creeps.
You’re not coming to my wedding okay I guess I’ll see you when I come back from my honeymoon. It’s you and your fiance’s wedding it is your day if you feel that your brother is going to f it up for you then don’t invite him. If your father wants to stick his head in the sand and act like if your brother hasn’t been a total dick on your life that he can stay home too. It’s your day no one is more important on this day than you and your fiance if your father doesn’t attend oh well. Stop trying to get people to like and love you who are treating you like s. Just know that if you do not invite your brother there’s a very good chance that that POS will show up anyway be prepared and then he will once again make a important day about him.
It seems that low or no contact is in order. Congratulations on losing all that dead weight! Your wedding is going to be great! 😊
>My dad is threatening not to come if I don’t invite my brother
So go through with that threat. Don’t invite your brother and dad. They are going to ruin you and your partner’s day if there invited. But you seriously need to start grey rocking them. Also go nc, lc and VLC (no contact, low contact and very low contact)
Also your brother could be a narcissist and your dad an enabler
honestly i dont want a wedding because i cant stand my family either.
but sometimes we have to let the lady decide.
Listen, this is your wedding.
If you don’t want a bully POS there, then that’s ok. If your dad won’t attend because you don’t want your bullying POS brother then, well, it’s the You and Wife To Be’s wedding, not Steamroller Dad’s. If Dad doesn’t want to attend the wedding, then he can be happy with the cutting of support that he currently enjoys from you, since he won’t support you.
Let’s not forget your POS brother didn’t invite you to his. Fair’s fair, yah?
I didn’t invite my brother to my wedding and dared my mother to say Boo about it. My brother was the same as yours, except a complete moron. Why would I have that at my wedding to celebrate our union? Didn’t invite my dad either because he’s also Gobshite.
If people ask, you say, “We wanted our closest and dearest here to support us.” If you have like a 250 person wedding, then that’s even better.
Let your dad know that choosing to not come means he’s choosing your. Brother over you as they’ve done your whole life.
Honestly, it may be the. EST wedding present ever. He’s not going to change. I’d go NC with both.
Listen, love, you can get married anywhere, your fiancee can where her dress anywhere as well. After saying that, what does your fiancee want? If she still wants to have a wedding, then proceed with planning.
As a Parent, I think I understand that your Dad is desperately trying to keep what’s left of his family together, but your Brother’s abusive and attention-seeking behavior has made ANY relationship with him or your desire to include him (in ANYTHING) absolutely, unequivocally impossible!
I would tell your Dad that HE has a choice to make… either he drops the subject and his insistence on your abusive Brother’s inclusion OR you will have to step away from your Dad AND not invite HIM to your wedding. Just because you’re dealing with family-created turmoil doesn’t mean you have to nix your wedding plans. But you may need to hire security!
ETA: It’s not too late to fulfill your dream of culinary school as well.
Question: did your dad attend your brothers wedding when you weren’t invited?