I told the wife but I can never let anyone know.

r/

My ex who used to live rent and utility free with me for years cheated on me with a married man she met at the job we all worked at.

I found evidence of the infidelity through text messages and saved screenshots she had on her phone and desktop messages I was able to access but I could not save or forward them because I was in a position that did not allow for it.

(My ex was mentally unstable, off her meds she was supposed to be on, had no respect for personal boundaries or respect for property that wasn’t hers, and shown historical proof of not handling “losing” well. She had vindictive streaks against those who “wronged” her and did not let things go. And the nature of the job we all worked in, they would have been able to potentially track things back to me and I was actively trying to leave.)
So, I anonymously texted the wife. I never dropped any names. I just warned her husband was definitely cheating on her with someone at work, that she should investigate very specific platforms and not to trust anything that was said.

I hated how my ex and the man talked about this wife (calling her a dumb b***, how useless she was, how she “made” him so unhappy, etc.), how my ex coveted their home and everything this wife had (a beautiful home and kids, money, etc.), and seeing the text messages of their infidelity and garbage personality, how they met up consistently (even on my birthday), and how they even met up at their home when the kids were sleeping.
So I did what I felt was right and told her.

It blew up of course. I kept it vague on purpose, but the wife immediately blew it up and made life for everyone involved (including my ex and the married man) and threatened to get the job to investigate. This of course proceeded to make my ex and the man get stressed, who then lashed out as much as they could, and vent about it in their “private” messages.

I was of course speculated as the number one person especially by my ex who wanted to try and make my life hell (at both work and home) to see if I would confess (threats of legal ramifications, trying to play a power dynamic of waking me up at odd hours despite politely asking her not to, still crossing my boundaries, etc.) She tried very hard to “break” me, but eventually I only owned up to seeing messages.

Thankfully, I had found a new job, was able to transition out and after finding the concrete proof of the lies and infidelity, I had her move out . And although she fought it to the last day (trying to verbally berate me and make me feel like shit about my decisions constantly) and as much as I could have done something horrible, I tried to be the better adult and simply helped moved her out, assembled furniture in the new apartment, and gave one real farewell gift before going no contact.

(I also took necessary safety precautions that if my ex decided to try and “visit” again after the fact, she would be in serious legal troubles).

The man never did leave his wife (seemingly). My ex is miserably single after months of the move out with no safety cushion or prospects. And I was the one who got away and honestly? I’m in the best shape and happiness of my life. (I feel much more levelheaded, my new job has been nothing but wonderful, and everyone stops me to tell me how beautiful I am (?)).

I played this very carefully as to not have a vengeful ex for the rest of my life. I didn’t want even the possibility of being involved in something messier to happen in my life.
I hope that man learns his lesson and stays away from young women (I suspect my ex was not the only one) and I hope my ex stays away (she does not learn. I learned he was not the only one she cheated with and in fact, I suspect all the years we were together, she cheated on me with others now).

I lied, but I never left anything incriminating or spoke poorly. I simply wanted people to know and also be free.

Comments

  1. AkimboSlice1 Avatar

    Your a bigger person that I am. I would have nuked your ex. She sounds like a miserably entitled person. I’m happy for you that it worked out for the best and you were able to get away. Stay the course and stay strong.

  2. reb3l6 Avatar

    Lol, you’re telling the story as if your ex could do anything. It just shows you were afraid of her. But good that you left and got your life together.

  3. Analisandopessoas Avatar

    I loved your exit plan. I wish you all the best.

  4. GroundbreakingPast31 Avatar

    Good on you for getting out and doing it in a way that protected your peace. Blowing it all up would have felt good in the short term, but you’d still be dealing with her and her fury and want for revenge if you’d done that.

  5. P33peeP00pooD00doo Avatar

    You did this the best way possible! You tipped off the other partner anonymously, and you helped her move and put her furniture together and didn’t yell or scream, and you were the one who didn’t cheat in the first place. To anyone looking at this objectively, you “won” the breakup, and she just looks like the monster she is. Stay classy (I’m not even saying this ironically, I actually mean it!), and enjoy your new lease on life!

  6. AlternativePrior9559 Avatar

    I’m so sorry you went through this. Being betrayed and cheated on is horribly abusive behaviour, mentally, emotionally and physically. I hope you’re being very kind to yourself and that you are well on the road to healing. Don’t hesitate to get individual counselling with an infidelity trauma expert if you feel you need it.

    You did absolutely the right thing and preserved your own dignity. It saddens me that the wife has stayed with such an absolute PoS. I sincerely hope she will do as you have done in the not too distant future and the scales will fall from her eyes.

    I wish you nothing but the best.

  7. Theunpolitical Avatar

    >The man never did leave his wife. 

    That might be reversed. The wife never left her husband after finding out the truth. She chose to stay.

  8. TecumsehSherman Avatar

    You didn’t “lie”. You were a whistleblower.

  9. desideriozulu Avatar

    Mental health, or lack thereof, is absolutely no excuse for being a piece of shit. You handled this in a manner far more noble and honorable than your ex and her lover, the man who was blatantly cuckolding you, deserved, especially after they started threatening you in every which way. If I were in your shoes, I would’ve made it extremely public, and the moment threats start being levied, that becomes a lawsuit and a police report in and of itself.

    I mean, god, the idea of even sleeping under the same roof as my spouse after they’ve been getting railed by another guy?? I’d be entirely too disgusted to want to be anywhere near such a person; I damn sure wouldn’t be “helping” her move out, so much as throwing her shit out onto the curb on garbage day right when the truck starts rolling up.

    I don’t know if it’s courageous to be as kind as you were to her, but it certainly was more than she was due after happily betraying you again and again.