Hi there,
Sorry this is my first time posting so please forgive any mistakes. I (31f) have been with my fiancée (31m) for nearly 5 years. The whole time we’ve been together he has always loved having his back gently scratched and always asks me for back scratches. Every time I get my nails done he gets excited about the scratches he will get, he absolutely loves it. It’s not a weird kink or anything, he just finds it super comforting and always falls asleep from it.
The thing is; I absolutely hate doing it and the moment I sit down to relax after work, cooking dinner and us getting our son ready for bed he immediately asks for back scratches. It seems stupid to complain but there’s no angle that is comfortable to do it and I just want to stop moving and veg out when I finally have a minute to myself sometimes.
Having said all that, I will never turn him down for back scratches. I will keep delaying that moment of relaxation a bit longer to see him fall asleep peacefully and do this little thing every night to make him happy. He does so much for us and I try to show how much I love and appreciate him in any way I can.
Just wanted to get it off my chest to someone and couldn’t think of a better route than telling internet strangers.
Thanks for the vent if anyone sees this 🙂
Comments
Same thing happens to me with my wife and she asks for it especially when we lay down to watch a movie or series and I can’t concentrate bc I’m scratching at the same time. Drive me nuts and I never have a comfortable position. The thing is I’m willing to do it sometimes and I have more willingness to do it when I offer it and not when she asks for it. Like you’re an adult not a golden retriever, stop asking me to pet you. Anyways I hate it too. Thanks for letting me rant.
Lol…every time I scratch my partner’s back to her demanding standards (“to the left, not too left and a little down…etc) I’ve wondered if ever there was a gal who had the same experience. Also same…I’d never turn down her request. In the grand scheme of things, it’s such a small compromise.
I kind of resent all of you. Lol. Cause not only does my husband ask for back scratches, my children do too. So i got 3 backs to scratch, and I’m tired of it. Lol.
“Fiancée” is used for female partners. Yours is a fiancé.
This is such a sweet and honest post. It’s totally okay to feel a bit annoyed by small things, even when they come from people we love. The fact that you still do it for him despite not enjoying it says a lot about your love and commitment.
Buy a back scratcher.
I normally don’t ask my boyfriend to scratch my back. There might have been a reason that came up in a past conversation months ago; I don’t remember anymore. I did two weekends ago, and it was glorious to not have to hunt down the itchy place myself when I couldn’t reach it. It was a struggle to figure out exactly where the itchy place was though
Omg I feel you!!! I was seeing this guy who would ALWAYS want me to scratch his back or hairy chest. I hated it. Then he would say “only if you want though” but he kept repeating it multiple times. I couldn’t stand it!
My husband is like this. He loves laying in bed and cruising the internet on his laptop and having me scratch his back before bed/sleep. But I quickly grew to fucking hate it, because there’s no comfortable way to sit, and if I paused scratching to turn a page in my book or concentrate on what I was reading he’d do a wiggle he thought was cute and playful but I found rude and selfish because I’d lose my place. So I ended up keeping myself busy with housework instead of going to bed just to avoid this, and then I’d get even madder because I already do a lions share of the housework and he was lounging in bed. We have kids so being touched out just made it all worse.
Don’t do what I did, which is let it get to a point where I lost my shit. Have a discussion about how much you value some alone time to decompress and agree to a schedule or limit to your job as back scratcher.
my fiance knows i hate this, so he always gives me the best massage beforehand. it seems all sweet and romantic until he stops and goes “okay, it’s my turn”.
I think it’s not a small thing if it happens all the time and is draining you. The next time you could say “Yes offcourse, but tomorrow it’s my turn”. I think you deserve it as well and he will feel how “labour-like” it actually is to do it after a long day.
Make it a bed time activity. Do it before going to sleep so that you’re allowed to have chill time and then before bed, give each other scratches. Gets you both relaxed and ready for sleep
I feel you on this. I marry my fiancé in 3 weeks and in my vows I promised stupid back scratches lol
That’s real love. You a homie for life. You da real mvp.
I too love having my wife scratch my back. Luckily she doesn’t seem to mind!
She gave me a back scratcher that I really like. I think it’s made out of maple. Here’s a pic:
https://imgur.com/QvbEUkV
I used to be like your husband. I love getting my back scratched, but when I asked for a scratch, I would detect the pause and little sigh, so I stopped asking. Now, if I am itchy, I know where a hairbrush is.
How do you guys do it? Position wise? When I want them I mimic our dogs and lay my head in her lap so it’s low energy. I also like my hair played with so two stones one bird. I would mention it at some point though because if it builds up without mention and you snap some day he may shut down that side of him feeling like he’s burdening you. This gives you space to let him know that some day you might just be too exhausted for it and it isn’t a lack of love or compassion just that you are spent and need to veg and recharge. I give the wife shoulder rubs and she gives me back scratches but both are allowed to say not tonight and it isn’t a weight.
Buy him a back scratcher
Aahah my husband use to ask for back scratches like every other day. Finally I bought a good sugar scrub (I use the Tree Hut one) and now I use that on his back once a week in the shower. His back is way less itchy now and I barely have to scratch his back. In my husbands case it was having an actual itchy back not just a comfort thing so not sure it’d help you out.
It’s fiancé
Some of y’all are so miserable in your relationships you just take shit.
You have a mouth, tell him you don’t like doing it.
Communication is key..
LOL. I ask for back and belly rubs/scratches. I know hes not a fan of it but he complies and im super happy 😁😁
I used to want my hubby, then boyfriend to scratch my back until I discovered wooden back scratchers. Invest in one for him—you’ll be glad you did—he might be also. I now have around 10 placed in strategic areas from my office, bedside, living room console drawer…you get the picture. I would also like to add that whoever invented them SURELY must have a seat in the kingdom of heaven…no one can satisfy my itchy back like I can thanks to their invention—hope this helps!! 😊
Pretty simple–hubby I hate scratching your back!!
Then stop doing it.
I’m glad that your not sighing or doing a poor job just so they won’t ask you again.
I hope he scratches yours in return at least or in other ways
I was expecting this to go differently. Youare a great partner for continuing his scratches.
get one of those long handled back scratchers designed to scratch your own back. Break off the handle and use it to scratch your fiancee’s back. It will feel the same
My husband asks me sometimes and I try but honestly it makes me want to heave. I’m so funny about textures and the feel of dead skin under my nails makes me want to bork so if it’s really bothering me I just use a hair brush instead.
Get him a back scratcher, it’s a great investment.