I feel like I’ve nuked my friendship/relationship

I have no one to talk about this and I don’t know what to do and I want to cry.

I had a some what relationship last year with a guy let’s call him Charlie.

Me and Charlie told eachother that we loved eachother and the while lot until January of this year where he told me he fell in love with someone else. It hurt it fucking hurt so much and It felt like every time I started feeling okay something would knock me down.

That was until he changed phones and then wasn’t logged into his Snapchat. He didn’t log in for about a month and then whenever I was stressed or upset because of this situation with him I would message his Snapchat because I didn’t want to hurt him or upset him because as much as he hurt me I didn’t want to hurt me.

That was until 2 hours ago when he logged back in and saw everything. I don’t even remember what I said in these messages I think I sent about 4 maybe 5 messages to him within the space of 2 weeks and then I was fine and didn’t do it again.

I feel like I’ve nuked the friendship and any possibility of him falling in love with me again.

I finally started feeling good again, I had my court claim go through, I was accepted to uni, I was doing good in my recovery for my surgery and now this happens. And right now I feel stupid and I hate myself more then I should and I don’t even know how to come back from this because I can’t even remember what I said

I just need support I don’t really need any suggestions or help if that makes any sense