I (21 F) and my bf (21 M) have been together for a year. Since the very moment I met his sister (24) she blew me off and didn’t seem interested in getting to know me, much less speaking to me. I met her a few months before I met the rest of my bf’s family due to us going to the same university. I played it off as her possibly being busy, but when I met his whole family for the first time she was more than rude to me. She constantly interrupted me whenever I’d try to speak, made snarky comments whenever I’d answer his parents questions. After that whenever I would visit it was similar things. Me trying to talk to her and ask how she was doing, and either being ignored or looked at as if I was the scum of the earth. But, I continued to be kind to her.
Then one day I I made her some chocolate chip cookies and when I gave them to her she took one bite and spat it into her hand and threw the rest away right in front of me saying “something that tastes this similar to trash deserves to go in the trash”. I asked my bf to talk to her but as always whenever I asked this he said “it’s not my place.”
Fast forward a few months and I found out from a mutual friend that she was going around telling people how pathetic she thought I was and saying things like she hates me and wished I was never born. Later that week my bf told me that he wouldn’t be able to call that night because he was going out dancing with his sister. Later I found out they had gone to a singles night dance and she was trying to pass him off as single to other girls. I was SHOCKED. My bf assured me it was no big deal but that felt like an attack on me and just proved to me that she had something against me. So I confronted her.
When I went to talk to her I told her of the things our friends had told me about her saying she hates me and wished I was never born, and then about the singles night thing. She told me to grow up and forget about it and that I was being immature. She then admitted to saying all the things our friends had told me and again said it wasn’t a big deal. I asked her why she had been saying these things and she then claimed that she never said those things and that because I was insecure I was just making things up in and trying to turn people against her so that they’d hate her! When I tried telling her that was not at all what I was doing she blocked me.
I found out from my boyfriend that she had told their whole family about the conversation and they were now taking sides. He said it’s incredibly awkward at home now and he doesn’t know what to do. He said I was out of line and an asshole for attacking her the way I did. But I don’t think I was attacking her. After weeks of barely speaking to me he says he wants to meet up to talk about it. So was I an asshole?
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I (21 F) and my bf (21 M) have been together for a year. Since the very moment I met his sister (24) she blew me off and didn’t seem interested in getting to know me, much less speaking to me. I met her a few months before I met the rest of my bf’s family due to us going to the same university. I played it off as her possibly being busy, but when I met his whole family for the first time she was more than rude to me. She constantly interrupted me whenever I’d try to speak, made snarky comments whenever I’d answer his parents questions. After that whenever I would visit it was similar things. Me trying to talk to her and ask how she was doing, and either being ignored or looked at as if I was the scum of the earth. But, I continued to be kind to her.
Then one day I I made her some chocolate chip cookies and when I gave them to her she took one bite and spat it into her hand and threw the rest away right in front of me saying “something that tastes this similar to trash deserves to go in the trash”. I asked my bf to talk to her but as always whenever I asked this he said “it’s not my place.”
Fast forward a few months and I found out from a mutual friend that she was going around telling people how pathetic she thought I was and saying things like she hates me and wished I was never born. Later that week my bf told me that he wouldn’t be able to call that night because he was going out dancing with his sister. Later I found out they had gone to a singles night dance and she was trying to pass him off as single to other girls. I was SHOCKED. My bf assured me it was no big deal but that felt like an attack on me and just proved to me that she had something against me. So I confronted her. When I went to talk to her I told her of the things our friends had told me about her saying she hates me and wished I was never born, and then about the singles night thing. She told me to grow up and forget about it and that I was being immature. She then admitted to saying all the things our friends had told me and again said it wasn’t a big deal. I asked her why she had been saying these things and she then claimed that she never said those things and that because I was insecure I was just making things up in and trying to turn people against her so that they’d hate her! When I tried telling her that was not at all what I was doing she blocked me.
I found out from my boyfriend that she had told their whole family about the conversation and they were now taking sides. He said it’s incredibly awkward at home now and he doesn’t know what to do. He said I was out of line and an asshole for attacking her the way I did. But I don’t think I was attacking her. After weeks of barely speaking to me he says he wants to meet up to talk about it. So was I an asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I confronted my boyfriend’s sister and now I’m being called an asshole because of it.
This action might make me an asshole because it caused people in my boyfriends family to take either my side or his sisters side.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Sounds like you have bigger problems than the sister if you “boyfriend” has spent weeks barely speaking with you. Time to let them be together Game of Thrones style and move on.
NTA
NTA find a new boyfriend.
He doesn’t defend you. Dump him. NTA
NTA. Sister is being shitty, but sometimes family does that. Your boyfriend should absolutely be confronting his sister about it. There might not be a great resolution, but your boyfriend has made it clear that you’re not part of the family and it’s your job and your job only to make nice.
NTA
He’s a man to run away from. You trying to make piece with his sister after her vicious behavior, says well of you for making the effort. His saying you are out of line tells you in a relationship he will never have your back. He’s going to go through a lot of women before he gets smart about his sister.
NTA!! I really hope you find it in you to leave him. He should be defending you. You’ve been really kind to his sister despite how she has treated you, and he still chooses to stay out of the way. Also, going to a singles event is not something a good boyfriend would do when they are in a relationship. It sounds like she is jealous, maybe of the relationship you have with him. You deserve someone who will stick up for you and see the kind things you do for others because that shouldn’t go unnoticed!
Y W B T A to yourself if you don’t get away from this guy quick, fast, and in a hurry!! When you’re married, each person should handle their own family. Even moreso if he’s just a BF. He wouldn’t defend you and he went to a singles’ night. Make him single so he has a reason to go again. I would send her a thank you card for letting you needed to take the trash(them) out
NTA Your boyfriend is the problem.
Your boyfriend isn’t defending you. Which means as a husband he won’t either. This is your future. Silent treatment and in-laws who talk smack about you to all your friends. There’s lots of men out there who will treat you a whole lot better. Men who won’t allow their sisters to trash you or better with sisters who actually enjoy you. Flush this turd.
Please make him your EX-boyfriend.
YTA. this is a weird and crazy thing that you did and seems very unfair to the other person. You should apologize immediately
Info: why are you with a boyfriend who dismisses your concerns, doesn’t stand up for you when you’re clearly being diminished, and blames you when he feels inconvenienced?
And do you really want to be part of a family with such a destructive and nasty sibling? I’m struggling to see the upsides here.
You’re NTA for how you went about trying to resolve the situation but you will be the a-hole to yourself if you don’t require a basic level of respect from your boyfriend.
NTA Let this one go. If he’s not willing to stand up for you and shut his sister down, he’s not the one. You will never be his first choice or his priority. My husband went NC with his sister the first and only time she talked shit about me. The family you create with a romantic partner should be your first priority, not the family you come from.
The problem here isn’t with his sister, it’s with your boyfriend. Why are you still in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you? Time to move on OP. You’re way too young to be putting up with this garbage. NTA.
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NTA – Dump.him please
NTA but is the relationship worth the mental stress? even if he’s being neutral now, your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in taking your side any time soon. he might even want to talk to ask you to apologize and let her words and actions go.
but if he won’t defend you in front of his family, what’s going to happen when other people ask him about rumors?
NTA, and break up now. I had a similar sitch with my current sister-in-law. She didn’t like me from the get-go and would freeze me out and side-eye me. But unlike your situation, my man stuck by me and stood up to her for me. She ended up being in our wedding party. We’ve had a few bumps here and there since then, and I’m still not her biggest fan (and vice-versa) but we are civil, even friendly, and you know why? Because my man, HER BROTHER, set a boundary early on. Your man is not sticking up for you and that’s a sign that this is not the right guy for you.
Your boyfriend went to a singles night and told you it was no big deal.
You’re upset with the wrong person.
NTA but the problem that is the sister goes away when you deal with the problem that is your so-called boyfriend.
Shocked, really? I saw it coming.
This isn’t a “not my place” conversation. It’s a setting boundaries conversation. He has seen how rude she is to you. He needs to tell sister regardless of how she feels about you, she is expected to be cordial and not say hateful things about you. It is not your job to tell his family, “Oh, btw, I’d like to tell you how I expect to be treated.” His family likely saw her rude behavior as well, but are taking sides against you for saying something about her being rude rather than confronting her for being rude.
This behavior has been going on for a year and no one has thought it necessary to talk to sister about it. I think a year is long enough to realize sister will always get her way and bf will never be on your side. NTA
Is this the same boyfriend that lied to you about what led up to you guys dating?
NTA and please break up with this loser.
Dump the spineless bf he doesn’t have your back
Run 💨 away from this man and let him date his sister.
Nta. You seem to dismiss that you have a boyfriend problem. Your “boyfriend” is fine with us family disrespecting you. This is only persisting because he’s wack and couldn’t feel bothered to stand up for you or your relationship.
He needs to grow a spine &have your back. But it dues not sound like all. Run, don’t look back. She is running you over.
NTA ……I didn’t read the whole thing…..just dump this so called boyfriend and his toxic sister and run.
How is it not his place? And going to a single night event? Dump him
Throw away her and that man quicker than she threw away your cookies, and run!
NTA for confronting her but YTA for not dumping a guy when they say”it’s not my place” when in fact it is their place because it’s their family that’s mistreating you.He clearly chose sides and it isn’t yours
ESH. The sister sucks, your boyfriend sucks, and you’re being an AH to yourself by not dumping your loser bf.
NTA
your bf hasn’t supported you at all in this. It’s easy to see his priority is his sister. Leave asap.
Ditch the boyfriend. He doesn’t have your back. He and his sister are both the AH’s. You are
NTA
Nta and he’s the one who is bad mouthing you. She’s following his lead
“Weeks of barely talking to me”. Um, wtf is there to talk about? Look, I’m going to b blunt here, he’s not mature enuff to b in a relationship. It absolutely is His Place to deal with His family. If he won’t them he’s not ready to b in a mature relationship. He won’t stand up to his sister, ever. She’s made ir clear she doesn’t like u. The y of that doesn’t matter. U tried. U gave her far more chances than most of u would have. Tbh, I would skip the whole let’s talk about this bs and just break up with him. Find ur self respect, ur self worth, and ur ability to accept not everyone will like u and that’s OK.
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What a weird family. You need to move on.
Na na na na go on and kiss him goodbye! What a tool
dump him
NTA but I don’t think your boyfriend has your back and the singles dance does show he’s disrespecting you.
Personally I’d dump him.
NTA- You always tried to be kind with someone that doesn’t deserve it. Your boyfriend needs to deal with his family and shut his sister down. But god what a spineless coward he is to do so. No everything needs to be neutral. He needs to stand up for you. Hope you find a boyfriend that stands up for you
NTA. Your soon to be ex is and so is his sister. Throw the whole man out. Something that acts so much like trash deserves to be in the trash.
NTA
🚩🔥🚩🔥Run! Things won’t improve.
sounds like sis is in love with your boyfriend. move on from this shitshow and let them be together. NTA
NTA Your boyfriend should have been protecting you from her bullshit. The fact that he didn’t mean he won’t protect you from anything. Make things easy on him and dump him.
honestly you should leave him. he’s never going to stand up for you
Oof, run away from this mal and his family