It’s a good idea, easier to remember what the doctor actually said, and more likely the correct questions are asked during the consultation. Two heads are better than one
This is a great question. If it’s a OB/GYN visit for a pregnancy or a follow-up for something serious like cancer, I would say that both of you SHOULD be there. If it’s for a cough, I don’t think it’s a big deal if you’re not there.
It totally depends on the relationship. If it’s healthy and supportive, I don’t see anything wrong with a partner going to some appointments but if there’s any controlling behaviors or abuse in the relationship it’s just another area to exert control. I guess being a domestic violence counselor for over two decades makes me a little suspicious of these kinds of things because I’ve seen it too many times.
If you’re talking about pregnancy appointments then absolutely unless they have a reason why they don’t want you there. I went to 99% of the appointments when my wife was pregnant with our son and daughter. I missed maybe 3 total.
Any other doctor’s appointments in general I’d say no need to go with. There will be exceptions to this of course like if it’s some kind of life altering/terminal illness or they are disabled and need assistance.
As a female, it is a necessity. Most doctors just don’t take women seriously. If I had a nickel for every doctor that tried to just write me off as just having anxiety or a UTI every time I went in, I would be a millionaire.
It took me 22 years to be diagnosed with Celiac and another 4 for Lupus. I’m convinced if I didn’t start bringing my boyfriend to vouch for my symptoms, I still wouldn’t have my Lupus diagnosis.
My wife and I just had this discussion – I had an appt for my menieres disease, and she asked if I wanted her to take off work to come along. I laughed and said no way that’s silly… I mean I DID go to every pregnant appt over the course of 4 kids… but I’m a MAN, I dont need to you to take off work and hold my hand at the doctors office. 😜
I sometimes wonder if I should invite him. He’s always talking about how kind and helpful the staff at our doctors office is, but when I go there they are so cold and unhelpful. I joke that they want me dead but also part of me isn’t completely joking lol. I thought maybe we were getting different people but nope, same people. I think they just hate other women lol. I hate going there so much.
My fiance comes with me to a lot of appointments (not all, but a lot) because of how anxious I get; I usually joke to the doctors that he’s my emotional support human and they don’t tend to care so long as I don’t. He is always happy to come support me, whether he’s in the room with me or hanging out in the waiting room for a bit. The way he puts it is the worst that happens as a result of him coming is that he’ll just sit there scrolling on his phone for awhile in the waiting room instead of at home doing the same thing, hanging out with me in the room itself is still us hanging out, and he gets to be there if I need him either way. Win-win. 🙂
If it is critical news or information, certainly. But otherwise, unless the visit has something to do with us as a couple, no, I’d wait in the lobby. C
i think its fine. If the patient has anxiety and having their partner attend the appointments helps put them at ease then thats ok. Even when pregnant women who’s partners want to show up for every OB check up is sweet. What i don’t agree with is partners who attend the appointments because of their controlling nature. As a receptionist, i don’t fuck with those people.
I think this becomes more necessary as we get older.
More things can go wrong after a minor surgery, there could be warning signs of a change in the patient’s condition that their SO should be aware of, or there might be a lot of information coming from the doctor that can be more easily forgotten if only one of you hears it.
What kind of appointment and whose idea was it or the partner to go along?
If the person who has the appointment wants their partner to come due to medical anxiety, help remembering to share several issues, moral support, etc then that’s fine so long as it works for the partner. I’ve gone with my husband to a couple of important appointments and vice versa. Also, when I’ve been injured and unable to drive I figured since he had to play chauffeur, he may as well come in for all of those as well.
I’d go if they wanted me and would offer if it was something serious. If it’s just a checkup or something basic then I don’t think it’s necessary for another to attend.
When I went back on my old birth control after I was finished breastfeeding (while breastfeeding I was on a progesterone-only BC), my husband had a lot of questions about it. He had heard some of the online hate about hormonal BC, and was worried about me. I WISH I could have convinced him to come to my doctor appointment. My doc would have told him the same things I did, but I think it would have made more of an impact coming from a professional.
I have PCOS and Endometriosis—neither of which have a cure. There aren’t many treatments that are effective for either condition, but hormonal BC is one of them. And, due to my cases of PCOS and Endo being milder forms, a high-dose estrogen birth control pill works really well in my body to treat the symptoms of both conditions.
My husband listened to me explain the above, but is concerned that I haven’t tried other treatments… unfortunately, other than just living with the diseases untreated, having organs removed, or having Endo lesions removed periodically by laparoscopic surgery, taking hormones is basically it. I’m not really overweight (maybe 10lbs), so it’s not like a huge lifestyle change is going to make a difference, as it is might if I were 30+lbs overweight.
Anyway, he was embarrassed when I asked him to come to my doctor appointment to ask his own questions, so he didn’t come.
It all depends on the needs of your partner. If they want you there and you could be there you should be there to support them. If they don’t want you there respect their wishes.
I am afraid of some medical procedures like having blood drawn or getting vaccines and I’ve been known to faint. My husband comes with me for those appointments to calm me down
the women in my family have noticed that they are more likely to be taken seriously and actually be treated if there is a a man (spouse, father) present. could have saved years for some diagnosis’s if we had done that from the beginning.
Generally, no one likes going to the doctor alone and it is mostly better to have someone else around to ask pertinent questions and remember what the doctor said. That being said, ask your partner if you can join and be there if they are comfortable with it.
My wife and I have some of the same doctors. We try to schedule “double headers” where we see the doc one after the other. We also go with each other to regular doctor appts, too. For my out of town doctors, our daughter is the chauffeur and goes with me to the doctor. She asks very good questions and I love having her there.
For anything beyond routine checkups, nobody should be alone in the current “health care” environment. Even the best circumstances a person learning of a serious illness needs extra ears and someone with a bit of perspective. If your SO is not experienced with trying times, they may not be capable of recording and advocating for a patient going through a procedure or a long arc of care.
The vocabulary used is often easy to misunderstand especially if the prognosis is dire or possibly mortal.
A person in the midst of some pain or disfunction needs a person to hold their hand and hear the details.
So yes and no
I have a brain injury. My memory is shot to hell (among other problems) because of it. A partner going with me would be super useful because of that. I don’t know how useful I’d be at their appointment, but I’d be happy to return the favor.
I imagine it’s similar, though maybe less important, for other people.
I’m not going to insist I go with, especially for just a routine visit or med update, but absolutely will if they ask me to. If something important comes up, they’ll tell me.
That said, if it’s for something bigger, I will ask to go with.
I have to take my partner with me sometimes. I’ll give them one chance but if I get dismissed he goes to the next one to back me up. I’m a woman, and one with chronic health conditions. I have been medically gaslit, like Crystals from stones in my urine but still asked if I’ve considered not faking pain, the absolute cunt.
If it is anything but a routine checkup you should absolutely if possible have some body with you, how often on even a routine appointment you walk out and can’t remember everything they said or forgot to mention something you intended to. If someone is going for anything of importance this can seriously impact their health or life, and they in serious conditions are already stressed out so they may walk out in fog oblivious of anything said
I go with my bf because he downplays the reason he’s there and he forgets to ask for everything he needs. He usually wants to go with me because he thinks it is supportive but I prefer he doesn’t go. We tried it a few times but it was annoying to me.
Basically, support your partner the way they need it.
If they are okay with it, then sure, why not? I’m preparing for knee surgery, and my wife has been to all my doctor’s appointments, and I want her there. She has a different perspective and will ask questions I wouldn’t even think about. Plus, it helps her to be up to speed about what is going on, particularly since I tend to be less detail-oriented about what a doctor might say. For instance, if she didn’t go, the conversation about the visit would probably be something like this:
Her: How did the doctor’s visit go?
Me: Fine. I’m having surgery on [insert date here]
Her: [Many questions I don’t have the answer to]
To be fair, it is not like she attends every routine check-up with me and has learned to live with the lack of specificity I tend to report.
If my partner wants me to, I will accompany. They dislike confrontation, so if there’s a provider who’s been dismissive of them, I will offer to go to apply some pressure / extra set of ears and follow up questions / witness.
You’d be surprised how many condescending doctors’ bedside manner improves when a person who looks like a stereotypical stern librarian joins the party.
My wife and I don’t do that. Exception: pregnancy related visits I was there for almost all of them (that was 20 years ago).
When my mom started getting forgetful, my sister started going with her to all medical exams. That is another exception, if the patient is not 100 percent with it, stuff may get overlooked or forgotten. A second person can help with that.
Otherwise, no. In general, I would not want my wife to accompany me to the doctor, unless I had cancer or dementia or something where an extensive medical plan was going to be discussed.
On the other hand, if my wife wanted me to go with her on a medical exam, of course I would go.
We go together for serious appointments. My husband has direct access to my medical records as I have of his. It is helpful to be together for certain visits because we have learned that we definitely listen and process differently. I take notes and ask questions.
If they want me there, I’ll gladly go. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having your partner there – especially if it’s for something serious or if someone is pregnant or something. But do I want to attend every checkup/regular visit with my partner? No, not really. Because why would I need to be there for something routine? If my partner is insisting that they attend everything with me, all the time, and they don’t want me to go alone to regular checkups, then I have a problem with that. It’s not that I wouldn’t trust my partner with my medical information, it’s that I’d feel weird that they insisted on being included in something super boring to any normal person. Like why would someone want to be there for a routine health exam, when there isn’t any indication that some life changing medical information would come out of that? I don’t need to watch my fiancé have a prostate exam. Why would he need to watch my gynecologist preform a routine Pap smear? I wouldn’t care if he was there, but I would care if he INSISTED on being there. Because why? Why would anyone NEED to be there, unless there was some kind of indication that something could be wrong? And even then, why wouldn’t they trust me to let them know of some test showing something bad or negative?
Edit to add: I’ve been in the room with my fiancé when he’s had to go to an urgent care for his back, and he’s done the same for me when I’ve needed immediate medical attention for something. In each case, we’ve both wanted the other there for support.
If they want me there for some reason then I’m going with them. I can spare that small amount of time in support of my partner as long as it’s reasonable. Like I’m not going to take the day off work to accompany them to the doctor for a cold or some other minor shit, but within reason, absolutely.
I think it would be weird if my husband went to EVERY appointment with me but there’s definitely some that I’ve greatly appreciated him being there — times when I’ve been especially sick and he drove me, anything regarding serious lab results, etc. And then of course some that are basically mandatory like certain big milestone pregnancy appointments, etc.
If they ask you to come fine, otherwise seems strange.
There are some quite odd people in real life who you won’t see on Reddit.
Partners attending for non couple heath issues eould have me concerned that the partner is there to make sure the patient doesn’t speak freely. Ie domestic violence, alcoholic/drug use, cry for help
I’m hypocritical about this. I insist to attend my 60 ish husband appointments but he’s not allowed to attend mine. I go to his because he turns into a kid at his appointments.
No issues. When it comes to the Dr, I’m a stereotypical man. It’s for the best she comes along if she wants. Hell, she most likely made the appt for me.
Id only want my husband there if I had a serious illness or I was getting dementia or pregnant. It seems weird for basic stuff… or routine obgyn. That’s just weird
My husband asks me to book his appointments on my work from home days so that I can go with him. I don’t mind but I don’t typically ask questions or get involved in any way. I invite him to appointments related to our IVF process only.
Two sets of ears are better than one. Especially if it’s something complicated. Moral support from your partner is nice. My husband’s shoulder is super messed up from an accident. He likes me to come with him to his ortho appointments.
There’s no need. But I go because my best friend in the whole world wants me there.
I’ve had a partner go with me for lumps found in my breasts. I went to my partner’s colonoscopy (he wanted me in the room, I got shown pics of his insides I didn’t want to see…wish I’d been in the waiting room…)
I think it makes sense to make time if it’s a concern, or if mental facilities, vision will be off, basically if they won’t be fulling functioning due to meds, I’d go with them. But if they/I have the option to uber for anything that involves meds vs. “you need a person to be here and drive you” I’ll be there if it’s been organized ahead of time, but, If I/they can drive or uber I’d prefer that.
I did happen to have my husband go with me to a kind of emergency dental visit in the past. The dentist didn’t give me any pain meds, we got in the car and I started crying because I was in so much pain. My husband went back in the office and demanded I be given something for pain. So that was my early 20s, now im in my 40s – I was very grateful my partner was there for me, so I can see how younger adults might need that support more than people who have been through cycles of dealing with the BS that is health care though.
Anything complicated/confusing, yes. My partner and I are both nurses, but I bring him to my endocrinology appointments because there’s a lot of details to keep track of and things to remember to mention. Things like a dental cleaning? Nope, you can handle that one yourself.
MD here. If your partner wants you to come with them and asks you to be there, you should go to support them. If your partner doesn’t want you to come along, respect their privacy and don’t go.
It feels very controlling unless the person seeing the doctor needs someone else to get the information because they repeat it wrong or forget what was said etc.
Years ago my mom’s husband started going to all her doctor’s visits with her. At first she acted like she needed him there but then she finally admitted that he would never remember what the doctor said at his visits so she asked to go with him because he had high blood pressure, heart problems etc you know, things that mean you need a specific diet! Since she was the one cooking she needed to know these things. So she asked to go with him and he said yes.
But as soon as that happened he started insisting he go with her too. Now you’d be wrong if you think that he only got his stuff wrong! Nope! He would tell her point blank that your doctor said this or that when she didn’t! My mom started recording the visits so she can play them back, and yes the doctor knew this! In fact her husband knew this and he would still lie about what was said. And still insisted he went to her appointments even though there were no problems!!! Then again at this point he was insisting she not leave the house without him. Again, I think it’s controlling but of course this is why.
After he died my mom asked me if I would go to her appointment with her and almost the first thing that nurse practitioner said was about how “I always remember these two because he would never let her come to appointments alone!” So from the doctor’s point of view, that’s how they feel about it.
We’re old. Me, old AF medic. I pay close attention to his mobility (disabled), differences in pain, B/P, bruises, allergies, monitor his meds. Yes, I sit through his appointments; I’m pretty good giving nursing reports. Saves time.
A guy I had a one night stand with later told me he doesn’t respect women like me who sleep around.
I laughed and said that’s ok because I don’t respect men like him who are small minded hypocrites. 🤣
To his credit he actually stopped and considered that and then said “huh, I never thought of it like that”. It hadn’t occurred to him that I got to have an opinion of him too – it wasn’t a one way street.
Comments
Could tab it ‘Healing thru marital bond.’
It’s a good idea, easier to remember what the doctor actually said, and more likely the correct questions are asked during the consultation. Two heads are better than one
Only if Obgyn
Eww.
This is a great question. If it’s a OB/GYN visit for a pregnancy or a follow-up for something serious like cancer, I would say that both of you SHOULD be there. If it’s for a cough, I don’t think it’s a big deal if you’re not there.
Depends on the issue.
It’s alright. My husband hates talking to doctors, and I’m the main driver in the family. So I go to all his appointments.
It totally depends on the relationship. If it’s healthy and supportive, I don’t see anything wrong with a partner going to some appointments but if there’s any controlling behaviors or abuse in the relationship it’s just another area to exert control. I guess being a domestic violence counselor for over two decades makes me a little suspicious of these kinds of things because I’ve seen it too many times.
If you’re talking about pregnancy appointments then absolutely unless they have a reason why they don’t want you there. I went to 99% of the appointments when my wife was pregnant with our son and daughter. I missed maybe 3 total.
Any other doctor’s appointments in general I’d say no need to go with. There will be exceptions to this of course like if it’s some kind of life altering/terminal illness or they are disabled and need assistance.
As a female, it is a necessity. Most doctors just don’t take women seriously. If I had a nickel for every doctor that tried to just write me off as just having anxiety or a UTI every time I went in, I would be a millionaire.
It took me 22 years to be diagnosed with Celiac and another 4 for Lupus. I’m convinced if I didn’t start bringing my boyfriend to vouch for my symptoms, I still wouldn’t have my Lupus diagnosis.
Only if it’s OBGYN for baby or Cancer, etc. otherwise, I find it weird.
If they need the support, a kind smile and a hand to hold I am there whenever and wherever I can be! <3
Damn ppl do this?
If she wants me there and I’m available, always. (of course if it’s serious then time will be made)
That’s what they should do.
seems like being a supportive spouse
Yep. Two sets of ears are better than one. If it is anything that might be important we both go.
I had cancer and brought my wife everytime. Good to have a second set of ears and the emotional support.
My wife and I just had this discussion – I had an appt for my menieres disease, and she asked if I wanted her to take off work to come along. I laughed and said no way that’s silly… I mean I DID go to every pregnant appt over the course of 4 kids… but I’m a MAN, I dont need to you to take off work and hold my hand at the doctors office. 😜
I sometimes wonder if I should invite him. He’s always talking about how kind and helpful the staff at our doctors office is, but when I go there they are so cold and unhelpful. I joke that they want me dead but also part of me isn’t completely joking lol. I thought maybe we were getting different people but nope, same people. I think they just hate other women lol. I hate going there so much.
My fiance comes with me to a lot of appointments (not all, but a lot) because of how anxious I get; I usually joke to the doctors that he’s my emotional support human and they don’t tend to care so long as I don’t. He is always happy to come support me, whether he’s in the room with me or hanging out in the waiting room for a bit. The way he puts it is the worst that happens as a result of him coming is that he’ll just sit there scrolling on his phone for awhile in the waiting room instead of at home doing the same thing, hanging out with me in the room itself is still us hanging out, and he gets to be there if I need him either way. Win-win. 🙂
If it is critical news or information, certainly. But otherwise, unless the visit has something to do with us as a couple, no, I’d wait in the lobby. C
i think its fine. If the patient has anxiety and having their partner attend the appointments helps put them at ease then thats ok. Even when pregnant women who’s partners want to show up for every OB check up is sweet. What i don’t agree with is partners who attend the appointments because of their controlling nature. As a receptionist, i don’t fuck with those people.
I think this becomes more necessary as we get older.
More things can go wrong after a minor surgery, there could be warning signs of a change in the patient’s condition that their SO should be aware of, or there might be a lot of information coming from the doctor that can be more easily forgotten if only one of you hears it.
My husband and I do only if it’s serious and we need support or a second set of ears to make sure we heard everything.
Garden variety appointments? Who has time for that?
Ask your partner what they want and act accordingly.
In my experience it really depends on the nature of the appointment.
If you think your partner is possibly going to get bad news, it’s important to be there. For support and for a second set of ears.
I have to go with my husband or else he would say everything is fine and nothing would be addressed.
He is not fine.
What kind of appointment and whose idea was it or the partner to go along?
If the person who has the appointment wants their partner to come due to medical anxiety, help remembering to share several issues, moral support, etc then that’s fine so long as it works for the partner. I’ve gone with my husband to a couple of important appointments and vice versa. Also, when I’ve been injured and unable to drive I figured since he had to play chauffeur, he may as well come in for all of those as well.
If I don’t he doesn’t remember anything.
I’d go if they wanted me and would offer if it was something serious. If it’s just a checkup or something basic then I don’t think it’s necessary for another to attend.
If they ask me to come along, I will 100%. Otherwise no, they’ll tell me if they want me to know something.
If it has the potential to be something serious, it’s good to have someone who is calmer and not sick or in pain to hear the doctors instructions.
Depends. Is it a standard checkup, or chemotherapy? Any serious medical situations it is best if the partner is there for support.
If it’s like, I stubbed a toe or something, probably not needed.
Appropriate for something serious requiring emotional support.
Inappropriate for something routine.
Not unless they need me there
My boyfriend goes with me to certain appointments. He’s gone with me to multiple OBGYN appointments and I’m fine with it
When I went back on my old birth control after I was finished breastfeeding (while breastfeeding I was on a progesterone-only BC), my husband had a lot of questions about it. He had heard some of the online hate about hormonal BC, and was worried about me. I WISH I could have convinced him to come to my doctor appointment. My doc would have told him the same things I did, but I think it would have made more of an impact coming from a professional.
I have PCOS and Endometriosis—neither of which have a cure. There aren’t many treatments that are effective for either condition, but hormonal BC is one of them. And, due to my cases of PCOS and Endo being milder forms, a high-dose estrogen birth control pill works really well in my body to treat the symptoms of both conditions.
My husband listened to me explain the above, but is concerned that I haven’t tried other treatments… unfortunately, other than just living with the diseases untreated, having organs removed, or having Endo lesions removed periodically by laparoscopic surgery, taking hormones is basically it. I’m not really overweight (maybe 10lbs), so it’s not like a huge lifestyle change is going to make a difference, as it is might if I were 30+lbs overweight.
Anyway, he was embarrassed when I asked him to come to my doctor appointment to ask his own questions, so he didn’t come.
It all depends on the needs of your partner. If they want you there and you could be there you should be there to support them. If they don’t want you there respect their wishes.
I am afraid of some medical procedures like having blood drawn or getting vaccines and I’ve been known to faint. My husband comes with me for those appointments to calm me down
just putting this out there for consideration.
the women in my family have noticed that they are more likely to be taken seriously and actually be treated if there is a a man (spouse, father) present. could have saved years for some diagnosis’s if we had done that from the beginning.
Generally, no one likes going to the doctor alone and it is mostly better to have someone else around to ask pertinent questions and remember what the doctor said. That being said, ask your partner if you can join and be there if they are comfortable with it.
My wife and I have some of the same doctors. We try to schedule “double headers” where we see the doc one after the other. We also go with each other to regular doctor appts, too. For my out of town doctors, our daughter is the chauffeur and goes with me to the doctor. She asks very good questions and I love having her there.
For anything beyond routine checkups, nobody should be alone in the current “health care” environment. Even the best circumstances a person learning of a serious illness needs extra ears and someone with a bit of perspective. If your SO is not experienced with trying times, they may not be capable of recording and advocating for a patient going through a procedure or a long arc of care.
The vocabulary used is often easy to misunderstand especially if the prognosis is dire or possibly mortal.
A person in the midst of some pain or disfunction needs a person to hold their hand and hear the details.
So yes and no
I have a brain injury. My memory is shot to hell (among other problems) because of it. A partner going with me would be super useful because of that. I don’t know how useful I’d be at their appointment, but I’d be happy to return the favor.
I imagine it’s similar, though maybe less important, for other people.
I’m not going to insist I go with, especially for just a routine visit or med update, but absolutely will if they ask me to. If something important comes up, they’ll tell me.
That said, if it’s for something bigger, I will ask to go with.
I have to take my partner with me sometimes. I’ll give them one chance but if I get dismissed he goes to the next one to back me up. I’m a woman, and one with chronic health conditions. I have been medically gaslit, like Crystals from stones in my urine but still asked if I’ve considered not faking pain, the absolute cunt.
If it is anything but a routine checkup you should absolutely if possible have some body with you, how often on even a routine appointment you walk out and can’t remember everything they said or forgot to mention something you intended to. If someone is going for anything of importance this can seriously impact their health or life, and they in serious conditions are already stressed out so they may walk out in fog oblivious of anything said
All depends on the severity of what’s going on.
I go with my bf because he downplays the reason he’s there and he forgets to ask for everything he needs. He usually wants to go with me because he thinks it is supportive but I prefer he doesn’t go. We tried it a few times but it was annoying to me.
Basically, support your partner the way they need it.
If they are okay with it, then sure, why not? I’m preparing for knee surgery, and my wife has been to all my doctor’s appointments, and I want her there. She has a different perspective and will ask questions I wouldn’t even think about. Plus, it helps her to be up to speed about what is going on, particularly since I tend to be less detail-oriented about what a doctor might say. For instance, if she didn’t go, the conversation about the visit would probably be something like this:
Her: How did the doctor’s visit go?
Me: Fine. I’m having surgery on [insert date here]
Her: [Many questions I don’t have the answer to]
To be fair, it is not like she attends every routine check-up with me and has learned to live with the lack of specificity I tend to report.
If my partner wants me to, I will accompany. They dislike confrontation, so if there’s a provider who’s been dismissive of them, I will offer to go to apply some pressure / extra set of ears and follow up questions / witness.
You’d be surprised how many condescending doctors’ bedside manner improves when a person who looks like a stereotypical stern librarian joins the party.
Almost every answer seems to be good.
My wife and I don’t do that. Exception: pregnancy related visits I was there for almost all of them (that was 20 years ago).
When my mom started getting forgetful, my sister started going with her to all medical exams. That is another exception, if the patient is not 100 percent with it, stuff may get overlooked or forgotten. A second person can help with that.
Otherwise, no. In general, I would not want my wife to accompany me to the doctor, unless I had cancer or dementia or something where an extensive medical plan was going to be discussed.
On the other hand, if my wife wanted me to go with her on a medical exam, of course I would go.
We go together for serious appointments. My husband has direct access to my medical records as I have of his. It is helpful to be together for certain visits because we have learned that we definitely listen and process differently. I take notes and ask questions.
If they want you to go and you are able to go then you should go. If they don’t want you to go then you shouldn’t go.
Depends on the partner. I am not trying to bring a hypochondriac to the doctor with me so no thanks.
If they want me there, I’ll gladly go. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having your partner there – especially if it’s for something serious or if someone is pregnant or something. But do I want to attend every checkup/regular visit with my partner? No, not really. Because why would I need to be there for something routine? If my partner is insisting that they attend everything with me, all the time, and they don’t want me to go alone to regular checkups, then I have a problem with that. It’s not that I wouldn’t trust my partner with my medical information, it’s that I’d feel weird that they insisted on being included in something super boring to any normal person. Like why would someone want to be there for a routine health exam, when there isn’t any indication that some life changing medical information would come out of that? I don’t need to watch my fiancé have a prostate exam. Why would he need to watch my gynecologist preform a routine Pap smear? I wouldn’t care if he was there, but I would care if he INSISTED on being there. Because why? Why would anyone NEED to be there, unless there was some kind of indication that something could be wrong? And even then, why wouldn’t they trust me to let them know of some test showing something bad or negative?
Edit to add: I’ve been in the room with my fiancé when he’s had to go to an urgent care for his back, and he’s done the same for me when I’ve needed immediate medical attention for something. In each case, we’ve both wanted the other there for support.
If they wanted me to go with them I would but I don’t really feel a need to
If invited 🤷 awesome
Should never be assumed
If they want me there for some reason then I’m going with them. I can spare that small amount of time in support of my partner as long as it’s reasonable. Like I’m not going to take the day off work to accompany them to the doctor for a cold or some other minor shit, but within reason, absolutely.
I think it would be weird if my husband went to EVERY appointment with me but there’s definitely some that I’ve greatly appreciated him being there — times when I’ve been especially sick and he drove me, anything regarding serious lab results, etc. And then of course some that are basically mandatory like certain big milestone pregnancy appointments, etc.
If she wants me to go, I will. Otherwise, no.
If they ask you to come fine, otherwise seems strange.
There are some quite odd people in real life who you won’t see on Reddit.
Partners attending for non couple heath issues eould have me concerned that the partner is there to make sure the patient doesn’t speak freely. Ie domestic violence, alcoholic/drug use, cry for help
My wife would probably never go unless I push her towards it but I go with her and stay in the waiting area.
I’m hypocritical about this. I insist to attend my 60 ish husband appointments but he’s not allowed to attend mine. I go to his because he turns into a kid at his appointments.
No issues. When it comes to the Dr, I’m a stereotypical man. It’s for the best she comes along if she wants. Hell, she most likely made the appt for me.
Anything serious I’m in, small stuff she handles on her own
Id only want my husband there if I had a serious illness or I was getting dementia or pregnant. It seems weird for basic stuff… or routine obgyn. That’s just weird
My husband asks me to book his appointments on my work from home days so that I can go with him. I don’t mind but I don’t typically ask questions or get involved in any way. I invite him to appointments related to our IVF process only.
As a woman having my male partner in the room advocating for me will probably get me better/more empathetic health care
Only if they specifically asked for you there for moral support.
Two sets of ears are better than one. Especially if it’s something complicated. Moral support from your partner is nice. My husband’s shoulder is super messed up from an accident. He likes me to come with him to his ortho appointments.
There’s no need. But I go because my best friend in the whole world wants me there.
I’ve had a partner go with me for lumps found in my breasts. I went to my partner’s colonoscopy (he wanted me in the room, I got shown pics of his insides I didn’t want to see…wish I’d been in the waiting room…)
I think it makes sense to make time if it’s a concern, or if mental facilities, vision will be off, basically if they won’t be fulling functioning due to meds, I’d go with them. But if they/I have the option to uber for anything that involves meds vs. “you need a person to be here and drive you” I’ll be there if it’s been organized ahead of time, but, If I/they can drive or uber I’d prefer that.
I did happen to have my husband go with me to a kind of emergency dental visit in the past. The dentist didn’t give me any pain meds, we got in the car and I started crying because I was in so much pain. My husband went back in the office and demanded I be given something for pain. So that was my early 20s, now im in my 40s – I was very grateful my partner was there for me, so I can see how younger adults might need that support more than people who have been through cycles of dealing with the BS that is health care though.
Anything complicated/confusing, yes. My partner and I are both nurses, but I bring him to my endocrinology appointments because there’s a lot of details to keep track of and things to remember to mention. Things like a dental cleaning? Nope, you can handle that one yourself.
MD here. If your partner wants you to come with them and asks you to be there, you should go to support them. If your partner doesn’t want you to come along, respect their privacy and don’t go.
It feels very controlling unless the person seeing the doctor needs someone else to get the information because they repeat it wrong or forget what was said etc.
Years ago my mom’s husband started going to all her doctor’s visits with her. At first she acted like she needed him there but then she finally admitted that he would never remember what the doctor said at his visits so she asked to go with him because he had high blood pressure, heart problems etc you know, things that mean you need a specific diet! Since she was the one cooking she needed to know these things. So she asked to go with him and he said yes.
But as soon as that happened he started insisting he go with her too. Now you’d be wrong if you think that he only got his stuff wrong! Nope! He would tell her point blank that your doctor said this or that when she didn’t! My mom started recording the visits so she can play them back, and yes the doctor knew this! In fact her husband knew this and he would still lie about what was said. And still insisted he went to her appointments even though there were no problems!!! Then again at this point he was insisting she not leave the house without him. Again, I think it’s controlling but of course this is why.
After he died my mom asked me if I would go to her appointment with her and almost the first thing that nurse practitioner said was about how “I always remember these two because he would never let her come to appointments alone!” So from the doctor’s point of view, that’s how they feel about it.
We’re old. Me, old AF medic. I pay close attention to his mobility (disabled), differences in pain, B/P, bruises, allergies, monitor his meds. Yes, I sit through his appointments; I’m pretty good giving nursing reports. Saves time.
I’d go. I need people to go with me to mine so I’d go with them to theirs if I needed to
A guy I had a one night stand with later told me he doesn’t respect women like me who sleep around.
I laughed and said that’s ok because I don’t respect men like him who are small minded hypocrites. 🤣
To his credit he actually stopped and considered that and then said “huh, I never thought of it like that”. It hadn’t occurred to him that I got to have an opinion of him too – it wasn’t a one way street.
If they want me to go, of course I would go
If they want me there for whatever reason, in the office, in the waiting room, sitting in the car, whatever they need, I’ll be there.
If they want me there i am there if they don’t I am not
If they won’t tell me about what is going on I would need to work out why if it is genuinely my business