Today I (38F) took a picture of myself and I think I’m finally in the weight I want to be. I lost weight, A LOT of weight, a full person (70kg/140lbs). In the past 10 years, I’ve lost all this weight, gained half back and now I’ve lost it again. I still have a chubby body, but I feel like it’s the one I can live with. I want to eat at maintenance and focus more on strength than on weight loss (I can clearly see muscle loss at the gym at this point).
The first time I lost weight, I was really at my worst. It was at the expense of my mental health and I ended fully depressed and with an eating disorder. Now I feel ways better. But while I’m at this, I have a lot of conflicting feelings. On one hand, I’m happy with what I did, it was not easy. It was and it is the hardest fight I have to face every single day.
On the other hand, it’s very clear that I damaged my body to a point of no repair, there is loose skin everywhere. I have already had two major skin removal surgeries, but there is still a lot in my back and lower body. I don’t want to have another surgery because exercising is what keeps me sane, but I also find it hard to be completely in peace with my body. After being in a relationship for 5 years, I’m also more concerned about it when dating (I’ve just been intimate with two people since I broke up, one led to a short sexually frustrating relationship). I know it’s vanity, but vanity is one of the reasons why I lost weight. Living as a morbid obese person is not easy.
I could post it on a weight loss community, but I am more interested on women’s perspective on this and I also think that other women might have similar issues with their body image even if they didn’t go through such drastic changes.
So, how do we make peace with our bodies?