Most of my friends drink alcohol. Everyone knows that I don’t drink much (if at all) but one specific friend (we can call her Jenny) always pressures me to drink.
Occasionally I’ll have 1 shot if we are celebrating something but that’s it. I don’t just casually drink at each outing. I’ve told Jenny I won’t be drinking anymore for the night after my one shot and she’ll say I am. She will pour me another shot and hand it to me. I will tell her I’m not drinking it. She’ll say I am. She will say that I need to get my tolerance up because I can’t just do one shot and the only way to do that is to drink more. I still decline. She kept pressuring me to drink it so I ended up pouring it in the kitchen sink. She got upset saying that I am wasting her money by pouring her alcohol down the drain. I told her I never even asked her to pour another shot so that’s on her. She said I should’ve drank it and then she poured me another shot and held it to my face. I told her I’m not drinking anymore. She said I wasn’t even drunk and the shot will help me loosen up.
We were about to head somewhere and she wanted me to drive us there (she doesn’t have a car anymore). I told her we can split the cost of an Uber. She said it’s wasting money because we could just drink since we didn’t drink much. Mind you, she had 5 shots of tequila within an hour. She said she used to drive all the time after drinking a little because she isn’t drunk and we don’t need to spend a lot of money on an Uber. She told me I was being a buzz kill.
The part that baffles me most is that she has children. I don’t want to get a D UI or worse. So the next time I saw her I told her I couldn’t drink because I’m pregnant. She told me a little alcohol won’t hurt the baby and people drink all the time by accident before they know they’re pregnant. I told her I know I am so I won’t be drinking alcohol anymore. She finally stopped pressuring me to drink after I told her I was pregnant.
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Most of my friends drink alcohol. Everyone knows that I don’t drink much (if at all) but one specific friend (we can call her Jenny) always pressures me to drink.
Occasionally I’ll have 1 shot if we are celebrating something but that’s it. I don’t just casually drink at each outing. I’ve told Jenny I won’t be drinking anymore for the night after my one shot and she’ll say I am. She will pour me another shot and hand it to me. I will tell her I’m not drinking it. She’ll say I am. She will say that I need to get my tolerance up because I can’t just do one shot and the only way to do that is to drink more. I still decline. She kept pressuring me to drink it so I ended up pouring it in the kitchen sink. She got upset saying that I am wasting her money by pouring her alcohol down the drain. I told her I never even asked her to pour another shot so that’s on her. She said I should’ve drank it and then she poured me another shot and held it to my face. I told her I’m not drinking anymore. She said I wasn’t even drunk and the shot will help me loosen up.
We were about to head somewhere and she wanted me to drive us there. I told her we can split the cost of an Uber. She said it’s wasting money because we could just drink since we didn’t drink much. Mind you, she had 5 shots of tequila within an hour. She said she drives all the time after drinking a little because she isn’t drunk and we don’t need to spend a lot of money on an Uber.
The part that baffles me most is that she has children. I don’t want to get a D UI or worse. So the next time I saw her I told her I couldn’t drink because I’m pregnant. She told me a little alcohol won’t hurt the baby and people drink all the time by accident before they know they’re pregnant. I told her I know I am so I won’t be drinking alcohol anymore. She finally stopped pressuring me to drink after I told her I was pregnant.
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> I told my friend I can’t drink and she told me I need to let loose and stop being a buzz kill
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You shouldn’t even have to lie. You don’t have to drink. It’s your choice.
It’s okay to ditch friends whose values don’t align with yours. NTA. I don’t think you two are compatible at this point so maybe keep your distance and find new friends
Why are you spending time with this idiot?!
No, I wouldn’t lie & say I’m pregnant – I would tell her to get lost & wouldn’t be spending time with her again.
Gently: why are you friends with her? I don’t know either of you, she might be a wonderful person outside of this, but all I’m reading here is her crossing a clear boundary you’ve set and trying to make you do something you have communicated multiple times you don’t want to do, in addition to admitting to endangering people by driving drunk and endangering your nonexistent child trying to press you into drinking. NTA but it might be time to consider if this friendship has run its course.
NTA. It’s 2025 and pressuring people to drink is not cool. Sobriety is a valid choice.
This lie isn’t sustainable, and Jenny clearly doesn’t respect boundaries. NTA, but why are you even friends with her?
NTA, but that excuse won’t hold up long, lol.
I do think you need other friends to socialize with. Sounds like she may have an alcohol problem.
Remind her that no means no. She, especially as a woman, should remember that.
Bruh drinking and driving and pressuring people to drink when they don’t want too?!?!? You need to cut this person out now.
Is this real?!!!! She said a little alcohol won’t hurt the baby, what?? The way she’s shoving shots in your face and won’t take no for an answer. This girl is a raging lunatic.
JAH but please for god’s sake get new friends, these people sound like awful individuals to be around
“A little alcohol won’t hurt the baby” should be your red flag here.
ESH.
She is more of TA – people with substance issues often take others non-indulgence as a personal threat. I stopped drinking a few years back and the heaviest drinking friends I had became quite belligerent and angry about me not sharing a bottle at lunch. Honestly this person has issues and you’re best to walk away.
Lying about pregnancy doesn’t sit right with me though, she’s more a d*ck again for telling you it doesn’t matter, but it’s not a subject I’m comfortable lying about and it also reinforces the belief that everyone does and should get plastered outside of being pregnant (again when I have up alcohol I was asked multiple times if I was expecting, yet no one ever asked if I felt I had a drinking problem or other health issue I was addressing and no one believed that I just felt better without it).
I just don’t like drinking is a perfectly adequate response and I think sticking to your guns and walking away from this toxic mess would have been a better option. But she is far far more an a$$ than you!
YTA. You don’t lie about being pregnant under any circumstances. Take the drink and throw it away in front of her. Stop engaging with her on the subject. Better still, stop hanging out with her as it’s only a matter of time before she spikes you
How are you going to manage in a few months when you’re clearly not pregnant?
I don’t blame you in the least for not wanting to drink or for pouring her forced drinks away. But
faking pregnancy isn’t exactly sustainable.
NTA for the lie but you are beung an asshole to yourself for tolerating her behavior and not placing and standing up for your firmer boundaries.
“Don’t waste my money by pouring alcohol down the drain” – “Don’t pour me alcohol when I say NO.”
You’re presumably an adult. You can only be pressured into something willingly. No is a complete sentence.
Just say “No.” You don’t have to let her pressure you into anything.
WHY are you friends with her? You know you can choose who you associate with, right?
NTA.
But the lie isn’t really sustainable. How long are you planning to pretend to be pregnant to avoid drinking with Jenny? Why not just…avoid Jenny? She doesn’t sound like a good friend.
ESH.
She sucks for drinking too much, trying to pressure you into drinking, and potentially driving drunk.
You suck mostly for lying – pregnancy isn’t really a joking matter, and it’s not a sustainable lie. You also suck for keeping this person in your life. She’s clearly not a real friend and not someone you need to deal with. However, if you choose to keep doing so, then you need to learn to stand up for yourself. No is a complete sentence.
ESH – I do get why you lied. It’s obvious that it worked , but it’s not some small white lie, and she will find out when you don’t start to show. Of course, you can lie about that too and say you miscarried, but that’s a giant can of worms you really don’t want to open, right?
Your “friend” obviously doesn’t like no for an answer, which makes me wonder what kind of friend she really is.
Jenny’s a lush who has to share her addiction so she feels like it’s normal. She’s pressuring you to drink like she was a sales rep for Everclear. Avoid her substance-abusing ass. NTA
NTA Jenny is an abusive alcoholic who wants others to drink so she won’t have to face up to her problems.
You should not have to lie to not have alcohol forced on you. You should cut Jenny out of your life she’s going to get you killed or in trouble.
If you feel like you have to lie about your health just to prevent your friends from pouring alcohol down your throat then I’d reconsider if they’re really your friends or not…
NTA, but I think you have some soul searching to do
NTA but you need new friends who can have fun without alcohol.
You should be honest with her. Tell her that you choose to abstain from drinking. Tell her that it is not attractive when she tries forcing her choice on you.
Maybe your friend circle can have an intervention. Take her to an AA meeting. She needs to be honest with herself. Alcohol has a negative impact on her life and he children ‘s lives.
If she refuses help, walk away
Ffs. Are you actually in 9th grade?
This is a person with a serious alcohol abuse problem. People who don’t abuse alcohol don’t GAF if you don’t drink or don’t drink much, don’t try and force you to drink, and don’t behave like alcohol abuse and by-products like drink driving or drinking while pregnant are nbd. At some level, consciously or unconsciously she feels threatened by your ability to simply not drink much, and so she’s trying to prove that her (undoubtedly problematic) drinking levels and habits are normal, and you’re the outlier.
She’s wrong and you’re not, but now might be the time to have a think about whether you want to continue a friendship with someone who resents your ability to just not drink and who is clearly unable to accept your boundaries.
NTA
Jenny is an alcoholic who doesn’t respect boundaries. Is this really the kind of person you want in your life?
Jenny isn’t your friend. Anyone who pressures you to drink when you don’t want to, is not your friend.
No need to lie, just say no. It is a complete sentence. If Jenny, or anyone else, starts giving you a hard time, turn it back on them, “Wow, it’s so weird and creepy that you keep pushing me to drink when I’ve said no. Are you okay?”
Sounds like Julie has a problem.
ESH
Your friend sucks I don’t need to get into why
You are TA to yourself for continuing to hang out with her and lying about being pregnant is a total AH move. Like in 5 months what are you going to say when you don’t have a bump? Say you miscarried? That is a terrible thing to lie about. You’ve just backed yourself into a corner.
You are an adult, if you don’t want to drink then just don’t or don’t hang out with her, plenty of options that don’t require lying about being pregnant and then setting yourself up to lie about a miscarriage later.
Why do you still see this person?
Please stop hanging out with this person. They are dangerous and a very bad friend.
Lying never helps OP. Tell your friend her drinking habits are too much for you and if she can’t cool it, beat it. I’m sure her kids would appreciate someone mentioned it to her. Nobody ever tells my Mom off, and I’m the only one who gets to deal with her so she often never believes me when I try to give advice. Well nobody else has told me this so obviously I’m fine is their mentality (sometimes)
If friends aren’t trying to help what are they for? If she refuses the advice then she doesn’t deserve your friendship. This is how I’ve lost friends in the past as well, we choose who we put ourselves around and we can choose better friends 💕
She’s part of our friend group and if I unfriend her that will ruin the rest of my circle
Your friend has a problem. She knows she is an alcoholic, but if she can pressure you into drinking she feels better about it. Maybe you need different friends.
No is a complete sentence.
Why are you spending time with this person? She seems like an absolute nutter?
What are other people doing at this point? Why is no one telling Jenny to back off.
You’re NTA but clearly it didn’t work – Jenny is obsessed with you getting hammered which is actually quite creepy now.
Nta but I think making up a lie or an excuse doesn’t solve the problem. And you’re going to have to come clean about not being pregnant before it becomes a problem.
Im guessing you’re young so you probably don’t have the shiny backbone to stand up to bullies. “You may call me a buzz kill all you want but I don’t need alcohol to have fun. If this friendship is meaningful to you, I’m going to need you to stop pestering me about drinking. It’s not going to happen. If you cannot respect this simple boundary, I can’t be friends with you anymore.”
Also, sounds like your friend might have a bit of a drinking problem
I have a friend who is an alcoholic. She’s finally admitted it but last summer, she was still very much in denial.
I don’t drink either. Just saw it as an expense I was not going to miss. I’ll have a few if the occasion calls for it but I don’t like getting drunk.
It got to the point where she would buy me cases of what I used to bring before recognizing what she was wanting from me – to have a drink like everyone else so I won’t see how trashed she gets.
NTA. I personally just didn’t drink them. She’d endlessly offer, aggressively and I just kept saying no.
ESH
You need to either get a backbone and either just say no and mean it, or you need a new friend. Lying about pregnancy can’t end well.
Your friend should not push you to drink. Many people don’t drink and whatever the reason is, she should take no for an answer.
Be an adult and say no. You don’t need to lie. ESH, but for goodness sakes, be an adult and stop hanging out with this woman.
I’m gonna b really blunt here. Y tf r u friends with someone who 1 won’t take no for an answer 2 is clearly an alcoholic who regularly pressures u to drink and 3 wants u to allow her to drive drunk so she obviously doesn’t give a $hit about ur life or her own? U need to grow a spine, stop being such a push over with her and more importantly p find ur self worth and get better friends! If u wouldn’t tolerate this from someone ur Ina. Roma tic relationship with y tf would u tolerate it from a so called friend? She’s made ir clear on repeat that she cares far more about alcohol and not drinking alone than she does about you. This screams alcoholic.
So many red flags here. She’s willing to put you (and your made up fetus) in danger and you’re still hanging out with her? What dirt does she have on you? This is too toxic a friendship to have. Walk away.
It’s just time for Jenny to lose your number and you hers. Nothing good is going to come from your little white lie or her badgering you to drink. NTA
The only reasonable solution here is to get pregnant for real and give birth early to make up for lost time
NTA
Jenny’s an alcoholic lmao. This is coming from someone in recovery
NTA
But let’s be clear, Jenny isn’t your friend. I don’t drink alcohol. I get the occasional “Are you sure you don’t want a drink” or “Sure one won’t hurt” but I usually say I don’t drink again and ignore anyone who keeps trying. This “friend” of yours has an extremely unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
That’s not a friend. You need to cut ties with her.
There are numerous reasons as to why someone doesn’t want to drink…my best friend rarely ever drank because her mums an alcoholic, got a boyfriend who pressured her to drink all the time and it heightened her depression.
You’re NTA but you will be to yourself if you keep this person in your life
You need to say NO to this “friendship”. This woman is not your friend. NTA, but you wouldn’t have had to lie to a real friend that had some sense. If you don’t want to drink, don’t: just find better friends…
I think you need better friends OP =[
You’re definitely NTA you need new people to hangout with.
NTA. Jenny is an asshole and I’d also guess an alcoholic. You’re NTA, but please get better friends for your sake. Especially what you said about her in that last paragraph, Jesus Christ
YTA. Why? Because you’re asshole to yourself and kind because you’re an asshole for trying to have your cake and eat it too(hot tip you can’t).
You want to hang with the “cool kids”? then you need to do what “cool kids” do, if you aren’t then what is the friggin point for either you or them? They been clear what they want to do… they want to get fucked up and party, and they only want to hang with people who get fucked up and party with them, if you don’t want to party and get fucked up, that’s cool but bugger off because they have shit to do.
You know why a bunch of people have a bunch of different friends right? For me for example, I have bunch of different friends because not all my friends like doing all the same shit I like doing… I don’t invite my car friends out to play D&D, I’m not much of a drinker or partier anymore but when I was… I didn’t invite my D&D friend out to go drink with my party friends, yes some of my friends were into all that shit which is how I found my core group of friends, the inner circle if you will… but most of my friend only like one aspect of my life style, one version of myself (and that okay) so I would see them when I was doing that thing, that is how a hell of alot of human behaves. We all have different version of our same self and alot of us compartmentalize our socialization to ensure what version of ourselves are shown when.
I personally tried when I was younger to get my friends who didn’t really drink, to come out and hang out with my drinking friend and it just ruined everyone vibe, it ruined their vibe because it boring when you’re out somewhere and the people you’re with are on a whole other planet to you from the other side of it, is just such a buzz kill to see somewhere dead sober bored out of their mind when you’re having the time of your life.
I am not condoning your friend behavior, I am not condoning her drinking, I am not condoning her repeated attempts at pressuring you but what I am saying is, you’re an adult, you know what she is into, you know what she wants from you, it in your court where you want to participate or not but if you aren’t going to participate than you need to remove yourself from the scenario, hell remove yourself from the friendship if necessary, There is no “I’ll come watch” you’re either in or you’re out same thing. I personally don’t do group sex but if I did and my friends want to “participate” but by participate what they really mean is just hang out and watch while I did my thing, that would be a hell no. They’re either in and we’re Eiffel Towering someone or they’re out the room, none of this middle ground shit.
I dont drink either. If I’m meeting someone for the first time and they want me to drink and don’t take no for an answer, I say I’m allergic.
I dont have friends that pressure me to drink because anyone that doesn’t respect my boundaries is not a friend.
NTA.
Dude you’re an adult, use your words and stay firm when you say no. If this person won’t respect your boundaries, they’re not a friend. If your friend group won’t stand up for you then they’re not your friends either.
Tbh I think this is an ESH .
Your friend is not a nice person or a good friend . Really is that simple . She has no regard for her own safety or the safety of others . Imagine thinking driving drunk is completely fine . She could injure or kill herself , you and any innocent person just minding their own business . Encouraging a pregnant woman to drink is also a huge red flag . Why on earth are you friends with this person ?
So yeah she’s definitely an AH , but you’re not completely free from fault op . Don’t lie about pregnancy, doesn’t matter why you did it , it’s not ok to lie about something like that . If she tells your other friends and they find out you lied I don’t think they’ll care about the reason why , it’s just not really something you pretend regardless of the circumstances.
Also if you’re old enough to drink you’re old enough to say no and not drink .
Her not taking no for an answer isn’t really an excuse . She’s not forcing you , there’s no metaphorical gun to your head. Just tell her you don’t want to drink . Creating made up excuses clearly hasn’t worked so just be honest . If you really feel you can’t say no to this woman then leave the friendship . Peer pressure rarely works as a valid excuse particularly when you’re an adult .
ESH Your friend for pressuring you and buying drinks you don’t want and you for not standing up for yourself. This doesn’t sound like a healthy friendship in the slightest.
You need to lose this friend fast.
deadpan look, walk away. that simple.