DAE ever get upset or angry when you think about your past and it shifts your mood massively?

I’ve been fine. Nothing’s happened over the last few weeks. I was talking to my mum and the conversation natural shifted to a topic we go over again and again. I told her there was once a time I used to be mad at her. It’s only since covid we’ve become best friends but I remember my younger self in my late teens and early 20s when I used to get mad at her. Times where I think if they didn’t do this or that it wouldn’t have impacted my life so much. Now in my late 20s, she is my best friend but the level of hurt is there. She a nice lady, a nice mum but I always felt a disconnect with her because sometimes I’d explain things to her and she never understood it. I mentioned sometimes all I really needed was an ear for someone to listen to but we didn’t communicate on a deep level at the time. Now that our relationship is good we have deep conversations, this one just gets unanswered. She thinks I’m angry and upset whilst I tell her I’m not I just would prefer an insight as to what happened yet she’s convinced herself I am angry and upset. I remain calm. She can’t bare the silence.

I’m aware the past can’t change but in the present moment when telling her I thought she’d have a conversation with me. But she’s conveniently tired and goes to bed. As I sit here by myself, I reminisce of all the times since being friend I notice how much she avoids these topics. Though I prefer answers to heal I understand I’ll never get them. So I sit here in a wild chain of thoughts of all the times she wasn’t there and all the times she walked away. It does nothing but spoil my day…and now I am angry and upset that there she goes, she’s walked away again. My inner child just died slightly.