Hey reddit, so for context I’m (27F) and have always shared a close bond with my younger sister, Emily (26F). We’ve generally always celebrated birthdays, holidays, basically everything together. My birthday parties / gatherings are some of our most memorable family events
A few months ago, Emily got engaged to her fiance, Mark. They began planning their wedding and recently announced that the date would be on July 20th: my birthday. I was surprised and a bit hurt, as she didn’t mention this to me before choosing the date. Of course it’s well within her rights, but it almost feels like a division in the family on where to go.
When I approached her about it, she said, “It’s just a birthday. This is my wedding day, the most important day of my life.” I expressed that I felt overlooked and that it would mean a lot if she considered another date. She dismissed my feelings, insisting that the venue and vendors were already booked and non-refundable.
I decided not to attend the wedding. I felt like an afterthought in the planning, and would rather spend my birthday with friends and family. Now, our family is divided. Some of my family is saying I’m being selfish and should support my sister, and I really don’t know if I’m in the wrong here.
So, people of reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding because it’s on my birthday?
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Hey reddit, so for context I’m (27F) and have always shared a close bond with my younger sister, Emily (26F). We’ve generally always celebrated birthdays, holidays, basically everything together. My birthday parties / gatherings are some of our most memorable family events
A few months ago, Emily got engaged to her fiance, Mark. They began planning their wedding and recently announced that the date would be on July 20th: my birthday. I was surprised and a bit hurt, as she didn’t mention this to me before choosing the date. Of course it’s well within her rights, but it almost feels like a division in the family on where to go.
When I approached her about it, she said, “It’s just a birthday. This is my wedding day, the most important day of my life.” I expressed that I felt overlooked and that it would mean a lot if she considered another date. She dismissed my feelings, insisting that the venue and vendors were already booked and non-refundable.
I decided not to attend the wedding. I felt like an afterthought in the planning, and would rather spend my birthday with friends and family. Now, our family is divided. Some of my family is saying I’m being selfish and should support my sister, and I really don’t know if I’m in the wrong here.
So, people of reddit, AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding because it’s on my birthday?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1): Not attending my sisters wedding because it was scheduled on my birthday
(2): It is her once in a lifetime wedding, against my “annual” event
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH
You and your sister have been close, I really think at some point you’ll regret skipping the wedding. And it will absolutely impact your relationship going forward.
At the same time, it suck’s that she had no discussion or explanation for you. Like if they fell in love with a venue and this was the only date available, she could have brought it up to you! We love this venue and it’s our only option, I know it’s your birthday but I’d love to celebrate with you a different day.
She’s not wrong. Hopefully you’ll have many more birthdays to come, and she’ll have one wedding day. Do you really want to pick this hill to die on?
YTA
OMG, yes YTA totally! Nobody is trying to steal your bday but at the same time, you don’t own that date – you just happened to be born that day. I have been to PLENTY of weddings where it just so happens to fall on the same day as a member of the bride’s or groom’s family and it has never been a problem for anyone. In fact, sometimes the couple will mention the person’s bday and everyone will sing happy bday to that person. You are honestly acting like a spoiled little kid here.
YTA. Wow. You can celebrate another day. This seems very short-sighted, and like a really good way to ruin your relationship with your sister.
> would rather spend my birthday with friends and family
The family who attended your sister’s wedding, like reasonable people?
NTA, I’m shocked your little sister would do that. I have two siblings and none of us would ever pick the others birthday for our wedding. I really can’t even begin to understand why she did that. Especially when it sounds like you always do something fun on your birthday.
YTA
You are an adult celebrate your birthday the weekend before or after
You will have so many birthdays, most adults don’t even celebrate their birthday on their actually day in the first place
NTA this is a very confusing situation, I’m not too sure why she would choose to have her wedding on your birthday and what family are going to attend your event and not her wedding, you guys have always been close and I think you should support her
Who does that to their own sister? That b can pack sand, you can go to her next wedding.
YTA
You would miss out on your own sister’s wedding, a sister you claim to be close to, just because it’s your birthday? You need that much attention?
YTA. You are a grown ass adult, not 5 years old.
NTA. It feels weird and attention grabby to plan something on a day like a siblings birthday. I don’t know what she was expecting lol. Go do something with your friends for your birthday.
It’s a birthday. You could literally celebrate it the next day. Skipping the wedding was honestly childish. YTA
My parents got married on my grandma’s birthday. She did not boycott the wedding because she was a grownup. Let the reader understand. YTA
Of course YTA. There is zero reason for any conflict here. Just have your birthday party on a different day.
YTA…It’s just a birthday.
Your 28th birthday, right? That should be no biggie. It’s not like you’re turning 21, 30, 50… You get to eat and party for free!
NTA. Her anniversary will forever be on your birthday. Will she ever celebrate you again?
I can’t imagine expecting anyone (including a sibling) to plan around my 28th birthday for their wedding date.
You’re going to be 28. Who cares? You’re not 8. At this point you should understand that you’re not the center of the universe, even on your birthday.
YTA
I hope your sister takes some time away from your drama.
YTA
Wedding days are generally picked by what days the venues are all available in the timeframe desired by the couple. I highly doubt your sister went out and decided to marry on your birthday. My guess, it was the most convenient in the period they had hoped for. And I am sorry, an adult sibling’s birthday would not necessarily be the OMG, I can’t do it on THAT day or did she even realize it moment.
Your an adult. It is a birthday. It is not a milestone birthday at that.
You seriously are going to destroy your relationship with your sister over your 28th birthday? Do you know how self-centered you will appear to all your family and how ridiculous it sounds?
Weddings invitations are not summons. You don’t have to go. But please really think about this before impacting not only your relationship with your sister, but how you are viewed by your entire family I am sure.
Again…It is ONLY an ADULT birthday…..your not 12 going on 13, Sweet 16, or even hitting 21. It is the 28th, nothing really special. You can take the opportunity to celebrate after the day after wedding with your family that is in town that you may not see often.
Good luck.