My friend (37f) told me (30f) that my standards are too high to find a woman to be with when I’m ready for my next relationship. If anything, I feel as if these are actual a bare minimum set of standards lol
Financial stability(particularly to enjoy traveling)
Has a career
Emotionally available
Enjoys trying new things
Independent
Is kind to strangers
Is active and relatively fit
Since when do we settle for less than who we are personally? I don’t even bring up objective beauty (I’ve just always had beautiful partners) because I don’t search for it. I just need to know in what world this is ‘too much’?
Comments
Please don’t settle. You aren’t asking for too much. I don’t know her why dor saying that but I had a friend say that about our friendship. I realized she wasnt connected to herself emotionally. You couldn’t face the hard truth that she wasnt a great friend. I am no longer settling for the bare minimum in any relationship and no longer overpouring into people. Hold onto you standards and stick to what your heart knows and wants.
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Is your friend straight? Does she know how hard lesbian dating is to begin with?
Yeah this would be a bare minimum for me, too. Your friend is wild.
I don’t think these are high with the exception of having funds to travel. I make good money but traveling can be expensive. When you cover all your own costs, rent, bills, food, gym membership, clothing, etc. there isn’t much room for travel expenses.
do we settle for less than who we are personally
I agree with this. If you yourself are objectively the things you want/expecting in a partner, I think your standards are “fair”…
But people are usually biased and one’s own self-evaluation/awareness isn’t usually particularly accurate. And to me, if your friend is generally a decent, well-meaning friend, my guess is she’s trying to help you realign your standards to something more fitting/realistic. If she’s not that kinda friend… then I’d say ignore her negging and just keep doing you.
Matching hypothesis suggest that people will generally find and match with people “in their league”…. so if your expectations/standards are realistic or “appropriate” (i.e. not “too high”), you will attract and find what you want. And seeing as you’ve always had beautiful partners etc., then clearly it’s working for you and your standards are fair and not too high.
“Your standards aren’t unreasonable, but they may be unrealistic.”
I’m not saying that this is you, but this is something I feel often. I have similar standards for a partner, and I’ve been single for a long stretch now. I’ve been exploring where the balance is: I want a partner to walk through life with, but I am okay single, but I don’t want to compromise my standards, but I can’t find someone who is that good match.
I think that balance is going to look different for each of us, so you and your friend will have different definitions of what that looks like. What’s not cool is that she spoke HER balance over YOU. That’s an okay line to draw, absolutely!
You deserve all of that in a partner and more.
Definitely not too high unless you yourself doesn’t meet these criteria
Not sure what your friend is on about – if she’s partnered, curious about how her partner is
My only comment is that you should try to imagine what this hypothetical person’s list of requirements is!