I moved abroad 6+ years ago to Spain. I still don’t feel established. I’m in my late 30s now with no career and stability. I recently went through a break up with a local guy which completely dismantled my foundation in Spain.
I have no emotionally stable or healthy relationships in my hometown including with my own family of friends.
I’m worried if I don’t get the ball rolling now I’ll have missed a prime opportunity for career advancement. I’d reluctantly need to move back to my hometown to do that which feels like a huge step backwards after all the progress I’ve made in leaving a dysfunctional and unhealthy household. Every time I visit I’m reminded how bad it is for me and my mental health to be back in the same mess..but at the same time it’s a way to build up my finances again and become financially secure.
My family are supporting me living abroad in a monetary sense and they said if I move back they’d support me even more perhaps giving me support to buy my own apartment which is pretty enticing especially with the rental market being absolutely crazy rn. Is it worth putting up with toxicity just to get back on my feet again? My sister is my own worst enemy and a complete narcissist so to be around her again waiting to mentally destroy me is traumatic.
I really don’t want to leave the life I’ve created behind but at the same time don’t want to be stuck with terrible job prospects in the future. Plus it’s the shame of returning home with my tail between my legs saying essentially “y’all were right and I need to get stable instead of chasing a temporary life abroad” that and single. I really thought I was going to marry this man and go back with a husband and kids in tow to show them “look what I’ve created for myself” so the grief of the idealized dream of my future life crashing down is painful.
Comments
Why is moving to your hometown your only option? There are plenty of other places.
Nope. I’d rather go it alone and be on the Struggle Bus than purposely put myself back in a toxic environment.
How do you think you can build a life while you’re mentally in a bad place that being around your family makes you feel?
What is it about your hometown that makes it the only solution to getting your career back on track? I find it hard to believe that’s the only solution. It’s rare that industries are concentrated in one area in the entire world.
I did it once. I lasted 8 months before I moved again.
I’m in a very similar position to you right now. Living in Germany but my job fell through, my visa is on shaky ground, and my relationship ended. I’m 36 and it feels like this is my last shot to make something of myself. I’m terrified that by going back home I’ll undo all my progress, but equally terrified that I won’t be able to build real stability abroad. I don’t have the answer but wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone!