So here’s the situation. My girlfriend (ex?) is going to marry another guy. It’s not exactly for love—it’s because of money, culture, and family pressure. Basically, it’s what’s expected of her. We’ve talked about it endlessly, and she admits it’s not what she wants, but what she feels she has to do.
And here’s the kicker—she still talks to me. She tells me she loves me. That if things were different, we’d be together. That she wishes it could work. But in the end, she’s still choosing to marry someone else.
I’m torn. A part of me feels like I should cut it all off—for my own peace. Watching her walk into a life with someone else, even if it’s for reasons beyond love, is eating me up. But I still care deeply about her. It’s hard to just walk away when she says she loves me.
Is this love worth holding on to if I know the ending already? Or am I just prolonging my own pain?
Comments
Nope move on man.
It is only going to hurt you.
Move on. She made her choice, you will find someone who will love you and will build a life with you.
Nope
As another wlw? No, that’s egregiously disrespectful. She’s building a marriage and finances and home and life and probably kids with a whole other person.
She’s leading you on emotionally. It won’t stop unless you cut it off, because it’s clear that she has zero emotional boundaries, marrying someone else when she’s supposedly in love with you.
You have to cut it off for your emotional safety. There are other women out there. You’re not alone.
Break all ties and shoebox your memories and move on
It’s not worth it at all. Move on, man.
No
You have to prioritize yourself. If you keep this up, you will destroy yourself…
Move on. It’ll only get harder. She’s trying to keep you in her life, and get married to someone else. That way she won’t feel truly alone in her marriage as she’ll have you. Don’t be that person for her. Her love for you isn’t strong enough to go against her family, so don’t emotionally hurt yourself by staying in contact. You get nothing out of it but pain. Find someone who will love you without conditions.
The real question is why would you want to.
No
She chose money over you. Do yourself a favour and find someone that has you as their #1.
Nope! Block her everywhere and move on.
She wants to string you along for what? Some messed up emotional gratification. She’s marrying someone else. Let’s say she changed her mind and backs out of the marriage. Do you really want to be someone’s second choice? You deserve someone that actively wants to spend their life with you.
Don’t disrespect yourself like this man. Move on and never look back. If she’s marrying for money, not only does this show what kind of a person she is, but also, it’s only a matter of time before that falls apart.
Move on.
Move on. She made her choice.
Move on, my man… not good for you in anyway and even on bro code level it’s pretty shitty….
It sounds like you already know deep down what’s best for your heart. If she’s choosing a life without you no matter the reason it’s okay to protect yourself and let go. Love shouldn’t feel like waiting on the sidelines. You deserve someone who can choose you fully.
Peace is everything now if you have it protect it <3
What are YOUR goals, values, needs and vulnerabilities regarding intimate romantic relationships?
You have an emotional investment in the relationship you hoped you would have. Are you clinging to that imaginary version of your relationship and blinding yourself to the reality? No amount of affection and attachment negates or minimizes YOUR goals, values, needs and boundaries in other important life areas and relationships.
Education, career, religion, finance, health, home (where, how it will be acquired and maintained), relationships (intimate, family, extended family, coworkers, friends, other social connections), marriage(?), parenthood(?), hobbies and other activities that support you. Each area is significant for YOUR independent fully functional supportive adult identity and lifestyle.
Compatibility in goals, values and boundaries protecting vulnerabilities is important across the major life areas. It seems as if her values, goals and boundaries are incompatible with yours in a number of these areas. “Being in love” hasn’t prevented her from making choices about marriage and her adult identity that invalidate and negate your own goals and needs.
The mature response is to lovingly part ways. Respect the adult decisions she is making. Accept that her choices are incompatible with your needs and goals. It seems selfish and destructive for her to both make commitments to marriage and family that exclude you while trying to keep your attention and attachment at her convenience.
DUDE! Walk away
Move along. And when she comes crawling back after her divorce in 5 years broke, because obviously dude is having her sign a prenup, ignore that little gnat.
No-contact. Let her live her chosen life and save yours.
Don’t walk away, RUN!
You are just prolonging your pain and preventing yourself from finding your own happiness. Let her go completely. Block her everywhere. Move on.
No
No.
Nah
watch dickinson on apple tv and then block this girl!
Why would you such a piece of shit in your life? She’ll use you like she’s using him and when she’s had enough of you she’ll throw you down the drain.
With that said, should you actually keep her around, you deserve everything you get because you know what you’re getting yourself into but do it anyway.
She is stringing you along as the “backup” in case her marriage doesn’t work out. She will do this indefinitely as long as you fall for it. Just move on, it’ll be what’s best for you in the end. If she TRULY wanted to be with you, she would have done just that.
Only you know what you’re able to tolerate and accept.
No. Do not let her do that to you. You deserve someone who is fully committed to you.
From what I’m gathering, it sorta sounds like family and cultural expectations are big for the person you were interested in??
If it’s something like arranged marriage, or marriage to stay closeted, I can understand that… But it doesn’t mean that it’s fair to you to be put into the position of being “”the other person”” in the relationship.
You don’t deserve that… You deserve to have the relationship you want, without a man being forced into the picture “to keep up appearences.”
If I’m jumping to wrong conclusions, by all means point it out OP. I think regardless, you have the right to walk away and keep looking…
If she truly loved you and cared she’d do anything to get with you, move on
It’s nice to think that love is all you need, but it’s just not true. That’s not enough for a relationship, not a healthy and happy one at least. Move on
Blast “Baby-Marina & Luis Fonsi” and “Good luck babe-Chappelle Roan” chug down a tequila shot and block her.
You love her, but do you love her more than you love yourself? Do you love her more than your own dignity? Do you love her more than your desire of a happy ending for yourself? Do you love someone who has not chosen you more than you love your own peace?
You need to go no contact. She either needs to grow up and stand up for herself or follow suit. Sorry but she can’t have it both ways.
Alternatively if she’s legitimately worried for her safety please get her in touch with local women’s shelters. This can actually be very dangerous for some women. However, she seems to feel comfortable enough to keep contacting you so likely she is keeping you on the hook incase this new guy doesn’t work out.
Bro, cut her off. Its gonna hurt for a while but this is your chance to work on yourself and grow!
Fuck her bro and send her off to her prince charming
Move on. People like that gaslight and manipulate and cause irreversible emotional damage.
If you’re into masochism sure but otherwise???? Hell NO. Block her everywhere and find someone that will commit and love you.
You want to be FWB with a married woman?
That’s the only option open here, mate.
Absolutely not. Even as a straight woman this has me like nope. She should’ve made you her decision if she wanted you in her life. I could understand if y’all were scamming the guy together (which would be awful unless he knew of the situation and was okay giving money for the occasional threesome or whatever arrangement), but for her to get married? The man is gonna expect sex, unless she’s bi, she will be miserable and likely have kids. Don’t join in the misery. Live a happy life for the both of you.
Ive considered the sugar baby and couldn’t do that to my bf. Like i can imagine giving up love and emotional security for financial comfort. I say comfort because I’d still be secure with my bf just maybe not super rich immediately. Like it’s just betrayal man (unless approved and I say don’t approve)
What do you get out of this exactly?
Get something out of her, money, sex, nude pic whatever and ghost her
What she’s doing is extremely selfish, stringing you along with “love talk” while she’s marrying someone else. You both need to move on. She can lie in the bed she made and you should go ahead and make yours. This already starts like the start of an affair
Move on.
Please move on and cut all ties with her. Find peace, love, and happiness!
No.
Cut her off so you can start your healing process. Holding on is just setting yourself up to be her future side dick, as well as a future homewrecker.
Id tell her if she really loves you she’d marry you and not some other guy and that she’s lying to you and herself
Her reasons are excuses and she’s too scared to make the right choice for herself
Block and move on.
I’m middle eastern and everyone has tried to pressure my cousins and I to marry “someone proper” or “the child of a family friend”, and we tell them to pound sand every time. My cousin is now engaged to her partner of many years and is happy even with our elders trying to force her to marry someone else.
If this woman truly loved you she would throw that “it’s what I feel like I have to do” out the window and she would choose you. You’re not important enough for her to fight for.
Walk away. She’s not worth it.
You need to do what’s best for you — that’s how she’s making decisions. If you need to cut things off to move on, do that. Don’t sign yourself up for pain like this. Lean into friends and family in your life who love you.
Move on.
She wants her cake and eat it too. You deserve more than to be someone else’s silver medal.
She wants her cake and to eat it too. She made her choice but is still stinging you along.
Please do yourself a solid and move on. You deserve better. Block her, then throw yourself a block party with friends and family who love and support you.
Cut it off. Dear god cut it off.
Protect yourself. Cut all contact immediately.
No! Move on.
Time to go no contact.
Walk away. Fast. Girl is trying to keep you as backup. Don’t do it.
Do not be with a cheater. She is cheating on you, and you are the affair partner. This arrangement has always worked out, always. And, what type of person are you to do that to a married person. And, you know that this person is comfortable cheating, wouldn’t you also be next, actually, she is cheating on you, WITH HER HUSBAND TO BE. There is no way that this could end poorly, none at all.
Definitely prolonging your own pain. Bro she is going to be full on married to this guy, doing everything married people do. Let her know you are there if she needs help but if you dont distance yourself, you are going to go crazy.
No, you deserve better than that.
Cut her loose and move on with your life. You should not be the type of person waiting in the background for someone else to choose you. That should NOT be who you are. Move on and find your own happiness.
She made her choice. Right now, she thinks she will have you both. Cut her off and make her make a real choice.
Leave dude. If she loves you enough she’d stick up to her family to be with you. I say this as somebody who has been in a similar scenario before.
What would you tell your friend if they were asking you the same question?
Cut all contact.
Regardless if she actually made that decision and has the agency to actually choose you or she’s a puppet you should walk away.
You are a very nice fallback option should things not work out. If things work out, you’ll be taken out like trash on garbage day.
I don’t even know you but I don’t think you deserve that, the choice however is ultimately yours.
she is now a prostitute, her relationships are transactional.
Not the person I want in my life. She made her choice, now make yours.
Simple answer – No! Move on.
So what? She would like to cheat on her husband, emotionally or physically? And you don’t have a problem with that since you’re still wondering if it’s worth it? She’s going to build a life with another man, not you, let it go, move on and find someone who wants to be with you and for whom you won’t be a security and an emotional escape from marital responsibility. If marriage doesn’t work out for her, she’ll come back to you, right? You’re her second choice. You’re not her priority, her choice says it clearly. Do you want to stay in a relationship where you’re not important? Her words about loving you are just manipulation so that you don’t change your mind and continue to be her security and escape. You have to give to her feelings, support and priority in your life, but she doesn’t want to give you anything. Her behavior is weak and stupid. She’s destroying you and her future relationship with her husband. Run away from this, seriously.
Not unless you just want to watch the train wreck. But I’d advise a clean break. Don’t be her fall back position.
Love is action, not words.
Her words are “I love you.” Her actions are to marry somebody else.
> That if things were different, we’d be together.
Yeah, and if you’re aunt had wheels, she’d be a wagon. Deal with what is, not what isn’t.
Have some self respect. She sure a shit doesn’t respect you.
Absolutely fucking no, my dude. You deserve someone that choses you, you deserve to be someone first priority, you deserve to be loved. Do yourself a favor and just let go, move on and be happy with someone that loves you no matter what.
Wait till she divorces him and has his money. Then yiu two can live happily ever after 🤷♂️
Nope nope nope time to move on
She horrible to you and her future husband. At the very least you know and he doesn’t. I understand that this is wlw, but she is not only trying to use you she is using the dude. Have some empathy for you and him, respect the bro code. Stay NC or better, tell him Ang then go NC
No. I didn’t read beyond your title. No. She doesn’t really love you.
What happens when she gets pregnant with him ?
Or buys a house with him?
They’re going to be sleeping together and you’ll just keep getting strang along
No cut it off.
You know she’s never going to choose you, right? Like, I know it’s harsh, but that is what it boils down to. And we all know that is the reason you’d stay in touch. Besides that, even if she said she doesn’t want it, you’re disrespecting her entire marriage by sitting on the sidelines waiting for her to realize she made the wrong choice. Not only is staying in contact the wrong decision for you emotionally, but its also the wrong decision morally. She made her bed, and you’re not laying in it.
My Brother in Christ/Allah/Budha
Leave her and find someone who puts you first not as a second option. That is true peace
Get the hell away. Run. They just want attention.
You’re the therapist….he’s the cash cow…..she’s the winner living life. Think about it.
You’re getting bread crumbed. Move on if someone isn’t available for you anymore.
You deserve the whole deal. Someone who can love you openly and marry you.
NO
Break it off completely. Tell her that if there is no possibility for you to be with her, then you don’t want any contact with her at all. So long as she has a lifeline to you, she’ll try to have her cake and eat it too. By breaking it off completely, you force her to face the consequences of her choices. Possibly, it might make her change course. Or she’ll end up marrying for money and lead a half empty life.
It will hurt at first, but find someone who accepts you as you are….and who’s a lot less nutty than this woman.
Even if she backs out from the marriage, still dump her. Not worth your time
No
No. Go ahead and live your life to the fullest.
Part of being an adult is doing what you want. If she loved you and really meant what she’s said then she would have chose you. Move on, she’s just using you.
No, you can’t begin to heal, and you will heal, until you move on from her in every way possible
It wasn’t that deep bro
Move on but not before sending the dude screenshots.