WIBTA if I request my friend pay her share of a hotel room
(Posted for my mother)
I (54F) have been invited to celebrate one of my friend’s (LF) birthday. This is taking place abroad and everyone in the friend group is invited so there will be quite a few people.
One of my friends (ML, 40F) is an entrepreneur with their own startup in a niche industry and as a result is struggling a bit financially. I have been doing my best to support her and have offered to help her in some aspects like paying for her share of our room on another holiday.
However, when I asked if she wanted to share a room for this stay, she declined saying she would book separately, which I didn’t question. During a recent get together with some people from the group, she brought up that she was going to stay in my room, without talking to me in advance. I was a bit taken aback and thought it was a bit rude of her to invite herself into my room without asking.
I’m not exactly short on money but that’s also not really what it’s about. Would I be the asshole if I asked her to pay for her share of the room?
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WIBTA if I request my friend pay her share of a hotel room
(Posted for my mother)
I (54F) have been invited to celebrate one of my friend’s (LF) birthday. This is taking place abroad and everyone in the friend group is invited so there will be quite a few people.
One of my friends (ML, 40F) is an entrepreneur with their own startup in a niche industry and as a result is struggling a bit financially. I have been doing my best to support her and have offered to help her in some aspects like paying for her share of our room on another holiday.
However, when I asked if she wanted to share a room for this stay, she declined saying she would book separately, which I didn’t question. During a recent get together with some people from the group, she brought up that she was going to stay in my room, without talking to me in advance. I was a bit taken aback and thought it was a bit rude of her to invite herself into my room without asking.
I’m not exactly short on money but that’s also not really what it’s about. Would I be the asshole if I asked her to pay for her share of the room?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I asked her to pay despite the fact that I have the money and am more well off at the moment
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Not only would I be telling her that you were not sharing a room, I’d be questioning the support on the other room now. It sounds like she’s taking you for granted.
“I’m sorry, but I had offered to share a room with you initially when it was possible to book a room with two beds. You said you would be booking your own room, so I booked a room with just one bed. I don’t have the space to share a room with you, and I am looking forward to having my own space. Perhaps you can ask if someone else would be willing to room with you as I am not in a position to do so any longer.”
>she declined saying she would book separately,
>During a recent get together with some people from the group, she brought up that she was going to stay in my room
Nope, no discussion, no access to your room. It’s one thing to be in a position to need help, and then discuss and appreciate the help you’re offered- it is quite another thing to just assume that you’re going to get help, especially after you’ve announced that you didn’t need that particular help.
NTA
OP, tell your mum to inform her friend that she made accommodations for herself after she was informed that she would not need to be sharing a room with her friend.
NTA. You don’t just invite yourself to stay in someone’s room; you ask that person first. I’d be tempted to tell her she couldn’t stay in your room at all.
YWNBTA if you asked the friend to chip in on the room, given the circumstances, although the response you get may be something along the lines of “Well, you offered originally…” and you will have to acknowledge that and offer some explanation for why you are asking her to contribute now.
If it was always your intention to ask her to contribute, that’s fine. You say that and remind her that the conversation never got that far because she wanted to make her own plans. If you were going to cover the cost but have changed your mind because of her initial refusal, that does require a bit of self-reflection. It’s petty to charge her because she ended up unable or just not booking her own room. Is it wrong? Meh. She’s been presumptuous as hell in not talking to you about this. It’s very mild A-holery on your part, and certainly less than her assumption that you still have room and are still paying for her.
NTA I would have that conversation asap. If she says she can’t, then tell her you are sorry, you can’t either. She has already got you paying for another trip. That is called using people. For her not to ask you beforehand is manipulative.
ITA. I am the asshole here. I’d be calling the hotel to change my reservation to a room with only one bed and tell her I booked that because she said she did not want to share a room and was booking her own.
Make sure you’ve booked a single with a single bed and don’t let her in with you at the start of the trip. LOL NTA
Let her know that staying with you is no longer an option. Don’t let people volunteer you for things! NTA.
NTA, I would simply say, “Oh I didn’t plan for that, you said you’d be getting your own room. If you want to make a plan together I can send you the costs and you can let me know if it works.”