I met this guy at a show. He was with another guy. I genuinely thought they were a gay couple.
They weren’t. One of the guys kept in contact and went to another 2 shows together because we’re big fans of this band. And I was going alone before. So I thought it’d be nice to not go solo for once.
I told him every chance I had, I’m married. Wore my engagement and wedding band on every occasion.
We kept texting and planning to go to more shows. But the more we txt the more he keeps hitting on me.
I reiterated I’m married and extremely loyal to my family. And change the convo to the band again.
After a week. I’ve had enough of having to matrix dodge his advances. It’s tiring and has become creepy.
I’ve been dismissing his text and cancelled any other outing we had made plans for.
The last txt was him asking me if “I’m not allowed to talk to him anymore.”
To which I wanna tell him F off. No one had to allow me to do or not do anything.
I’ve been thinking of a “nicer” way to respond. And I think the best one I’ve come up with is “my advise is: when someone keeps telling you they’re married. You should stop hitting on them. It’s rude and turns uncomfortable.”
Why do people think it’s ok to hit on married people? Like isn’t there an unspoken agreement? Shouldn’t women be able to talk to guys without being relentlessly hit on. Specially when you’re waving your wedding band on their face?
I’m a little upset at the situation I created for myself. I just wanted a friend to geek out about a band together. Now I’m scared to go to a show alone and run into him.
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I met this guy at a show. He was with another guy. I genuinely thought they were a gay couple.
They weren’t. One of the guys kept in contact and went to another 2 shows together because we’re big fans of this band. And I was going alone before. So I thought it’d be nice to not go solo for once.
I told him every chance I had, I’m married. Wore my engagement and wedding band on every occasion.
We kept texting and planning to go to more shows. But the more we txt the more he keeps hitting on me.
I reiterated I’m married and extremely loyal to my family. And change the convo to the band again.
After a week. I’ve had enough of having to matrix dodge his advances. It’s tiring and has become creepy.
I’ve been dismissing his text and cancelled any other outing we had made plans for.
The last txt was him asking me if “I’m not allowed to talk to him anymore.”
To which I wanna tell him F off. No one had to allow me to do or not do anything.
I’ve been thinking of a “nicer” way to respond. And I think the best one I’ve come up with is “my advise is: when someone keeps telling you they’re married. You should stop hitting on them. It’s rude and turns uncomfortable.”
Why do people think it’s ok to hit on married people? Like isn’t there an unspoken agreement? Shouldn’t women be able to talk to guys without being relentlessly hit on. Specially when you’re waving your wedding band on their face?
I’m a little upset at the situation I created for myself. I just wanted a friend to geek out about a band together. Now I’m scared to go to a show alone and run into him.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole because one I trusted this stranger more than I should’ve. And also want some feedback on how to cut him off
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I think your initial message of “fuck off” gets the point across better. I may be being petty but if he doesn’t care enough to respect the boundaries you’ve clearly laid out on several occasions I, personally, would not be worried about hurting his feelings.
ESH You kept setting up meet ups with him-a stranger, instead of taking your husband or finding a friend to go with instead. He probably got mixed signals at first, as this sounds like it went on a while. He obviously ignored what you were telling him. When it first occurred should have told you what an AH this guy was.
NTA – though leaning hard to E S H.
You made an assumption on someone who proved that to be untrue and you continued to engage with him despite him making you increasingly uncomfortable. You should have ended the texting LONG before it got to this point.
My next text to this person would be along the lines of “I’m disappointed to find yet another guy who can only think with his dick when I’ve told you repeatedly I’m married and not interested. I’m blocking your number – go find a single person to creep on.”
I’m not trying to victim blame here. But I hope this was a lesson on drawing a line in the sand sooner when someone is making you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to “Matrix dodge” sexual advances in a conversation just to have someone to go to a show with.
nta. no means no. apparently some people don’t know that.
ESH you use homophobic stereotypes
NTA just tell him to fuck off
NTA. You gave friendship a chance and this guy blew it. If you need a pithy comeback to whether you’re allowed to talk to him, the answer is that you are not going to allow him to talk to you any further. You don’t need to be nice here. You may want to be civil, but cold, if you think running into him at shows is a probability.
It’s unfortunate that he’s making it uncomfortable to go to future shows. You may want to take some backup to the next show or two… not necessarily your partner, but a friend or someone close and safe. They don’t necessarily need to love the band… their presence is social support. On the other hand, it also gives them some insight into you, which might be nice for them.
NTA. You don’t owe this guy anything. You thought you found a friend, and he decided to disrespect you and your marriage.
Your right to cut it off. Guys like that don’t live in reality and aren’t worth the effort.
ESH
Having been in similar situations, it is a little bit of leading on, even if unintentional. Looking back on my experience, I can see how the guys were so forward. Even after I said I was in a relationship. It’d be different if this guy knew your husband too, and y’all were in the same circle of friends. If I were you, I’d cut it off and let him know I’m not looking for anything more than friendship, and that seems to be what he wants. So it’s best to go our separate ways.
Why do you feel like you have to be nice? Just tell him to f off. If he gets upset ..oh well. He’s being a disrespectful dirt bag and deserves it.
NTA. You had a chance to be concert buddies and he just couldn’t get it through his noggin that you were only interested in attending concerts.
NTA
tell it to him straight: I don’t want to hang out anymore because you don’t listen and you creep me out. Im bringing my husband. No thanks dude. Bring your husband to the show next time you go, so if the guy shows up, you have your husband to make you feel safe and have someone to enjoy the show with.
NTA. You expressly stated several times that you were married and not interested in any of his advances and he chose to ignore your boundaries time and time again. To top it off, seems to think that the only reason you aren’t reciprocating is because you’re married and therefore can’t think for yourself. Your initial instinct to tell him to F off is the right one
Info— What show was it?
The guy sucks for sure. But I’m confused to why you put up with him hitting on you for a week before cutting off contact.
ESH. Why do you say cut off unless he was being led on. A lot of guys are gonna hang out with a married woman just in case maybe she gives him a shot. Not every guy friend would cross that line but most of them would. I’m not exactly saying you shouldn’t be hanging out with guys without your significant other but if you are gonna blame guys for hitting on you maybe you should just hang out with your girlfriends. Just my perspective tho, doesn’t mean I’m right
I think it’s outright ridiculous you continued to speak to him at all after he hit on you the first time.
In his head, because you continued to even want to interact, you aren’t painting a picture that you truly care about being married. A truly off limits woman would have engaged no further conversations, he probably feels like it’s a mixed signal.
NTA
“Bro, i kept telling you im married. It is not about being allowed to talk to you. You just clearly showed me that you cant comprehend or listen. Very weird so id appreciate it if you left me alone