What was the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?

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What was the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?

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  1. crimsonavenger77 Avatar

    Adult space hopper. Knackered my back for about a week.

    Turns out it’s harder to use when you’re in your 40s. Brother in law took most of the skin of his elbows falling off when we tried to race.

  2. SandPaperPocketPussy Avatar

    Trying to prove how safe a hedge clippers guards are and proceeding to almost cut the tip of my finger off

  3. Queasy_Animator_8376 Avatar

    I’ve never injured myself and thought it was particularly smart.

  4. The_Real_Scrotus Avatar

    I was trying to pry frozen sausage patties apart with a paring knife, slipped, and stabbed it through my hand.

  5. Genbu7 Avatar

    when I was like 5 yrs old I was holding something pointy and tried to climb a wall. I stabbed myself in the chest. I am 50+ and the scar is still there and I showed that to my son as a example of “don’t do that”

  6. VinnieBaby22 Avatar

    Threw out my back coughing from taking a big hit out of a bong.

    Constant pain and multiple visits to the chiropractor over two months before I finally started to feel better. And I couldn’t even smoke!

  7. Hrekires Avatar

    Missed a step while walking down a flight of stairs carrying a heavy box.

    Crushed my knee, tore my quad, required surgery and months of physical therapy and never quite recovered back to 100% of my pre-injury mobility.

    Even today almost a decade later, it bothers me on cold/wet days or if I spend too long with my knee in the same position (which happens often in my sleep)

  8. SurviveDaddy Avatar

    Being the edgy teenager that I was, I bought two cheap Kusarigamas (minus chain) at a dirt mall.

    I tried hanging them on my bedroom wall, and as I went to put the second up, the first came tumbling down, end over end.

    It gave me a small gash in my arm that I should have gotten stitched, but I didn’t want to explain to my old man how I did it.

    I still have that scar, to this day.

  9. BearsGotKhalilMack Avatar

    In college, after a long night at the bars, a huge group of us decided to play hide and seek around my buddy’s off-campus house. He had a low brick wall connected to the house, in such a way that you could walk up it like stairs to the roof. My drunk ass did exactly that, and I was only found when someone heard me crack a beer. When the game was over, I decided the smartest thing would surely be to jump down onto the grass. What I didn’t realize was that, while I climbed onto the garage, I had walked over to the side that was about two stories off the ground. I jumped, my legs obviously gave out, and I slammed my ass down onto the ground. Imagine explaining to college classmates why you can’t sit down for a week, and that you’re not gay you’re just stupid.

  10. SuperChickenLips Avatar

    I cut my left thumb knuckle this evening opening a tin of tuna. I held the can with my left hand and pulled the ring pull with my right hand. I’ve done this many times without incident. This evening the lid cartwheeled off over my left hand and sliced the knuckle on its way. The cut is deep but less than an inch long, so like a real man I stuck a fabric band aid on it, and that will stay on until the glue on the band aid wears out and it falls off on one end. Then I’ll scream like a girl when I have to rip the other end of the band aid off, and it takes 3 hairs with it. This the way.

  11. HufflepuffHarry Avatar

    Thought I’d surprise my mum by cleaning her house thoroughly. Moving a sofa I managed to trap a nerve in my back and had to take 4 weeks off work recovering.

    Lesson learned, don’t clean things

  12. Super_Chicken22 Avatar

    Jumped down a flight of stairs and got whacked on the forehead by a low-hanging beam. Stitches required. Did nothing for my stupidity though.

  13. SimplyShred Avatar

    Was drunk in early 20’s and jumped over sofa pull out and miss landed on metal spring frame surrounding mattress bruising my tail bone. Couldn’t walk for a week and still have lingering discomfort.

    Year prior in University I lost thesis paper a day before due date as word didn’t save. Proceeded to punch wall and broke pinky bone needed a cast for a month. Pulled an all nighter and re-wrote the paper with ice on my hand and three fingers in pure numbness. Also wrote two exams that week in severe pain refusing to accept accommodations like laptops and postponing.

    I am a pretty calm guy and well grounded no pun intended.

  14. bingbing0523 Avatar

    Literally wore tight safety shoes and got my big toe sore asf rn. So annoying.

  15. Moist_gooch90 Avatar

    I ironed a shirt before work in the morning and put it straight on. Upon seeing it on me I realised I’d missed a small area near the buttons so grabbed the iron and tried to iron it out whilst still wearing the shirt. Luckily I only got a small burn.

  16. yokosucks97 Avatar

    Rock climbed without gear and I was extremely under trained. I was 18 and decided to try rock climbing with a friend and we were novices to the sport. Climbed a rock that was about 16-20ft. Lost grip towards the top and landed directly flat footed in the ground. I severely injured both of my feet. After that I lost interest lol

  17. trentsuncloud Avatar

    Started bolting a Cadillac hearse starter to the block a few feet up in the air, i thought I had started it so I let go, it hung for a few seconds then dropped and slammed my skull against the pavement, I was at disney the next day with two black eyes 💀

  18. trentsuncloud Avatar

    Also drank a few four locos in my adolescence and fell through the floor into the basement at the friends place i was staying at, don’t recommend

  19. CuckoosQuill Avatar

    I climbed on a van while drunk and then jumped off onto the hood and slipped and fractured my wrist.

    Girlfriend did not want to bang afterward

  20. Mr-pizzapls Avatar

    I “pole vaulted” off a picnic table with a round metal bar, landed on a piece of ply wood and it slipped out from under me and I hit my head and got a concussion. I was like 11. During an MRI they found an Arteriovenous malformation in my brain so that’s probably the reason I am the way I am

  21. tartanthing Avatar

    7 years old. Standing on a wicker basket in the bathroom to scare my sister. Wicker basket collapsed just as she came in, left foot impaled on an uncovered radiator valve.

    Best part was my mum explaining to the A&E doctor why he didn’t recognise the type of bandage. It was from my Great Grandmothers WW1 medical field kit.

  22. myfeethurts69 Avatar

    Bent an old L shaped fence post I found beside a river in half till it broke, threw the first piece, then the second.
    My legs felt hot and I looked down and I was covered in blood. Almost severed my 3 fingers off, cut through a lot of blood vessels and a few major nerves.
    Thankfully my dad was there and he was a great emergency Doctor, I can’t feel half of my right hand and have a bitching scar but apart from that it’s all good – just oddly sensitive in some places and numb in others.

    One of my brothers didn’t know till we got back and he ran into the farm house screaming that the Crocs must’ve killed something massive down by the rocks earlier; but no just me 😅

  23. PanHermitcraftFan Avatar

    As a child, when my mother took me shopping for my first school supplies, I was choosing a pencil sharpener. She must’ve looked away for a moment, because I had the bright idea to stick my pinkie into the sharpener and attempt to sharpen it. Still don’t fully understand what my thoughts behind it were, if I had any at all.

  24. HusKimbo Avatar

    Ran on a treadmill (at home) with no shoes, tripped and got launched off of it and the treadmill took some skin off my foot

  25. certainkindoffool Avatar

    Ran full out into a huge maple tree while catching a football over my shoulder. 32 years of back pain and counting.

  26. Nomadloner69 Avatar

    Stepped into the bindings of my friend’s snowboard without the actual boots. We were goofing around the slipped a few feet and I ended up in a tree well. Broke my leg, ankle foot . I was too wasted to really feel it. Woke up in the hospital with iv’s going

  27. Skairan Avatar

    When I was 3 years old I was watching the old Spiderman tv show from the 90s. Saw him kick through the wall with ease and in the show it was just made of wood, so since I was spiderman logically I would be able to do the same. I ran full speed across the room and fly kicked a concrete wall and snapped my tibia in half. I learned that day that I wasn’t spiderman.

  28. lilacs_and_marigolds Avatar

    Riding a pallet jack like it was a scooter. Tried to go through a set of swinging doors and the jack stopped, but I didn’t. Shattered my left big toe, and cracked my left patella. Lesson learned.

  29. Great_Fortune5630 Avatar

    I was ironing in my underwear and got too close to the ironing board. That scar on my stomach was visible for years.

  30. dang_bro775 Avatar

    I fell off of a tree when I was a kid and my tailbone landed right on a root

  31. LittlePinkDolly Avatar

    Decided to walk to the store a block over for smokes. Took ten steps from my door and slipped on a small patch of frozen ice in a small pothole on the stone driveway. First cold temps of the winter. My butt hurt, but I had a gut feeling I shouldn’t get up and walk. I called to my neighbors to help me get to my door and went down the stairs to my apartment on my bum. Decided to sleep it off. Woke up and my foot was all dark purple and flopping and cracking. Turns out i broke my ankle. Both bones. Now I have a plate and 7 screws in my leg for the rest of my life. …also it never snowed or iced the rest of that winter. Which was unusual but as someone who enjoys being active it made me so mad. At least I mostly recovered by summer. So dumb 😠 😡 …funny side fact, I called my mom that morning and non-chalantly said “hi mom how are you?” She replied “I’m good. Busy with work.” I said” okay, we’ll, I think i broke my ankle and need to go to the hospital” she sighed and said “I don’t have time for this I’m busy with work.” Click. Hung up on me lol. So I called my grandma and after a while at the hospital it was confirmed I broke my ankle. My grandma must have text my mom because not long after my mom came flying in the hospital room I was in. “Oh my god, hunny, I’m so sorry, I thought you were pulling my leg, you didn’t sound like anything was wrong! Are you alright?!?!”

    Hahahahaha

  32. bigboidoinker Avatar

    Threw a stick against a tree but it bounced back and i broke my nose.

  33. KayakingATLien Avatar

    Broke my toe on an inflatable obstacle course racing a bunch of little league kids (I was in my 30s and their coach)…they had fun time giving me shit about that one!

  34. captaintrips_1980 Avatar

    I threw my shoulder out playing the drums on Guitar Hero: Metallica. It hurt for about 6 months

    Pro tip: don’t start on Master of Puppets on Expert without warming up first.

  35. ThatLid Avatar

    Slipped on a wet floor right next to a wet floor sign

  36. jones5112 Avatar

    I waved to someone while riding a mountain bike, crashed and broke my neck

  37. queenofthemeeps Avatar

    I burnt my middle finger on the stove when I was 19 and so put ice on it – actually wrapped my finger in ice to numb it. Pulled the ice off an hour later and i’d frozen my finger. 3 months later after losing all the skin and nail, it was almost healed. 7 years later I developed arthritis in that joint due to it being frozen.

  38. liquor_up Avatar

    Running full speed in the dark wearing full battle rattle, trying to retrieve my helmet during a training exercise in the Army. I tripped over raised fork lift legs and did a full Superman maybe fifteen feet before landing flat on the concrete. It hurt.

  39. J8766557 Avatar

    I worked in a job that sometimes meant dealing with violent offenders. I came limping home one day with a broken toe. My flatmates asked what had happened. I smiled bravely and said I couldn’t talk about it, but vaguely implied that it had involved some great act of heroism on my part. In reality I had tripped over a kerb. I did tell them the truth eventually, but only after I had milked it a bit for some sympathy.

  40. Long-Ease-7704 Avatar

    Slipped getting out of the tub. Bounced my face off the pedestal sink. 3 stitches to my chin.

  41. kyleakennedy1987 Avatar

    Framing nail into my thumb knuckle. That’s a mistake you’ll only make once

  42. ayeheyyo Avatar

    When CA started having Medical Cannabis Dispensaries, i went down and bought an 8th to take with us to the lake. I was wearing flip flops and shorts that day,and for some reason I started jogging back to the car. I was just about there when i kicked one of those cement bumpers they put in parking spaces and ate shit on the asphalt. I smashed the weed on the way down,rebroke my big toe when i tripped and skinned the shit out of my knee. I embarrassed the hell out of myself to all the stoners in line to get into the dispensary and my friends clowned me for years. No more running in public.

  43. simp6134 Avatar

    Walking. Strained my inflamed archilies tendon, and thought “walk it off” and made it worse.

    Was off that foot a month only to be told i needed to walk on it. Hurt, but 100% recovery

  44. DeaddyRuxpin Avatar

    I broke my thumb because I didn’t realize I was kneeling on it and I tried to stand up. I shifted my balance backward to rise. My hand went back, my thumb stayed where it was under my knee, and the bone split in two to make up the difference.

  45. DaveinOakland Avatar

    When I was 5 I played the ground is lava in my front yard jumping from Boulder to Boulder, with gravel underneath being the lava.

    The problem is there were also rose bushes between the boulders.

    I fell down into a rose bush and got cuts everywhere. I still to this day have random scars peppering my body from the incident.

  46. PowerofIntention Avatar

    Sliced my thumb open with a razor blade trying to remove a puffy holographic Hang Ten sticker from my stapler

  47. pezdspencer1974 Avatar

    Many times while drunk

  48. Electric_Universe12 Avatar

    I’m tall, so sometimes I hit my head on the ceiling fan… while it’s on.

  49. Poetgrimaldi Avatar

    Wondered how much one of those spring loaded plastic pellet guns would hurt if I got shot with it. So I loaded it up pointed it at my hand and pulled the trigger. It hurts a lot and I had a lump on my palm for a month.

  50. SwimmerMain900 Avatar

    I put an old coffee table on Facebook for free. Guy that picked it up was nice enough. I offered to help him load it since my condo was on the 3rd floor. Taking it down I tripped on the stairs and broke my foot. Went to urgent care and spent about a grand on the visit plus boot. And had to wear the boot for two months.

  51. PaulsRedditUsername Avatar

    I broke a toe tripping on the dog’s water dish.

  52. AtsaNoif Avatar

    Carrying fireworks in my pocket.

  53. artistandattorney Avatar

    In my 30s, riding around on Heeleys shoes. Fell and broke my elbow.

  54. 40Breath Avatar

    Drinking then passing out in a chair. Hurt my back and couldn’t walk regular for a week.

  55. B-raww Avatar

    Fell face first into a fire pit while I was black out drunk in my early 20s. The pit was dug out inside so there was no way of getting oh y. My hands braced my fall and just baked in the coals while I struggled to support myself. Finally my brother came running oht and pulled me out by my belt. Spent 2 months in the burn unit. Another 6 rehabbing my hands. I have nerve damage to this day and have almost constant pins and needles in one of my hands. For the record you cannot burn off your fingertips.

    Edit – Pics NSFL

    https://imgur.com/a/dYVP86u

  56. No_Armadillo_4599 Avatar

    i grew up pretty poor. when i was in 6th grade (over a decade ago), i went out with a friend and her mom got us starbucks. i got one of the frozen blended drinks, and since it was a huge treat for me, decided i was going to drink part of it and save the rest. so i put it in the freezer… the next night i got it out of the freezer around 1a and it was frozen solid. i let it sit out for a bit, but got impatient, and decided it would be a good idea to try to break it up with a knife. did i choose a butter knife like any sane person would do? of course not. i went with a fucking serrated kitchen knife, started hacking away at it while holding the cup with my other hand. the knife punctured through the side of the cup and sliced my pinky finger down to the bone. i panicked, ran into my mom’s room pouring blood & woke her up. she looked at it for a sec, told me to “just hang my hand into the tub until it stopped bleeding”, and went back to sleep. (i know now i should’ve applied pressure and kept my hand elevated, not literally hanging into the tub). it definitely needed stitches. i eventually slapped a butterfly bandaid on it and fell asleep laying against the side of the tub.

    went to school the next day, had a state writing exam, the cut reopened and started bleeding everywhere. because i had to go to the nurse, which counted as me “leaving the room”, per policy the entire class had to retake the exam the following day. needless to say everyone was furious with me (i was already being bullied heavily) and i still have a huge scar from it. i think it’s hilarious now but wow what a stupid method to go with

  57. AppropriateZombie586 Avatar

    I broke my back sending a text message

  58. IDunnoMan-_- Avatar

    My shoulder dislocated in my sleep couple months ago

  59. Zanedewayne Avatar

    I was using a router to cut a piece of trim about 2 inches long. I knew it was too short and I needed a stick or something to push it through.

    I started it up and said to my wife, “it’ll be fine.” As soon as the trim hit the router, it shot across the room, and I bore a hole through my middle finger.

    Literally any amount of precaution would have prevented it

  60. No_End_1315 Avatar

    Trying to tuck my bed cover underneath my mattress with a knife.

  61. aDirtyMartini Avatar

    I’ve heard that if you drop a tomahawk just let it land on the ground and don’t try to catch it…

  62. LoiteringRambler Avatar

    i was a young kid who wanted cheese so i picked up a cheese slicer, slipped and cut my wrist. left me with a two inch scar but luckily its very faint

  63. dmbgreen Avatar

    I also cut myself with a knife. Always cut away from yourself.

  64. RevolvingCheeta Avatar

    About 3 hours ago sharpening my chefs knife. Can confirm, it’s sharpe but also damn near cut off the tip of my index finger.

  65. MarcPG1905 Avatar

    Washed my thing too thoroughly and accidentally ripped the tip.

    Peeing was naturally painful afterwards.

  66. bajungadustin Avatar

    When I was 19 I used a pocket knife with a serrated blade as a screwdriver.

    It closed.

    Cut my finger down the center and my all the way up my nail. It didn’t hurt at all surprisingly. Hurt like hell the next day though.

  67. shawncollins512 Avatar

    Playing hide and seek with a dog and spraining my ankle falling off a porch.

  68. Canyon-Man1 Avatar

    Doing some stupid Conan the Barbarian Sword Play by my self with a Machete – I was 12 and it was the 1980’s. Got tired and didn’t exercise as much control as I should and took a machete to the knee.

  69. milkisgood1 Avatar

    Ran from the beach into the lake and jumped in (I’d done this 100’s of times?) rotated too far forward this time I guess and shattered the c7 vertebrae in my neck.