My nephew is 15, he’s my husbands sister’s son. They live across the country from us.
The plan was to have him live with us for the upcoming school year because: Nephew’s mom just got her CDL, nephew is tired of his mom and his mom is tired of dealing with raising a teenage boy alone, because his dad doesn’t really help out much/isn’t in the picture too often.
It would be a financial burden to us to take him on already, but mom promised to contribute, and we think although it’ll be a stretch financially, we can make it work if we are careful.
My husband and I have 2 little ones at home already, ages 2 and 7. They are vaccinated and up to date. Nephew has been around our kids in the past, but I always assumed everyone was vaccinated/ never knew my SIL was a staunch anti-vaxxer. If I had known, I would for sure have had an issue with visiting, as our youngest was 1 at the time.
I voiced my concerns to my husband and to SIL, that I would like for nephew to have antibody titers done to evaluate for existing immunities, and to have at least the basic immunizations done, otherwise I would not be comfortable with him coming to live with us without those conditions first being met.
Beyond the health and safety of our two children, our nephew would be attending public school and playing on the football team, and I belive it would be irresponsible to introduce vulnerability into our community, plus I think it’s just plain horrendously irresponsible as a parent to risk your childs life like that, and I cant believe my nephew is just okay with this.
Husband says he agrees with me, he knows vaccines are necessary, but that he thinks I’m going about this the wrong way, and he says he’s willing to take the risk because “it’s family.” I told him he obviously doesn’t truly understand vaccines then. So now, husband and my SIL feel I’m the AH, and that I’ve effectively ruined nephew coming to stay with us for the year. I don’t think my conditions were unreasonable at all, and that they don’t understand how important this issue is.
So reddit, AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
My nephew is 15, he’s my husbands sister’s son. They live across the country from us.
The plan was to have him live with us for the upcoming school year because: Nephew’s mom just got her CDL, nephew is tired of his mom and his mom is tired of dealing with raising a teenage boy alone, because his dad doesn’t really help out much/isn’t in the picture too often.
It would be a financial burden to us to take him on already, but mom promised to contribute, and we think although it’ll be a stretch financially, we can make it work if we are careful.
My husband and I have 2 little ones at home already, ages 2 and 7. They are vaccinated and up to date. Nephew has been around our kids in the past, but I always assumed everyone was vaccinated/ never knew my SIL was a staunch anti-vaxxer. If I had known, I would for sure have had an issue with visiting, as our youngest was 1 at the time.
I voiced my concerns to my husband and to SIL, that I would like for nephew to have antibody titers done to evaluate for existing immunities, and to have at least the basic immunizations done, otherwise I would not be comfortable with him coming to live with us without those conditions first being met.
Beyond the health and safety of our two children, our nephew would be attending public school and playing on the football team, and I belive it would be irresponsible to introduce vulnerability into our community, plus I think it’s just plain horrendously irresponsible as a parent to risk your childs life like that, and I cant believe my nephew is just okay with this.
Husband says he agrees with me, he knows vaccines are necessary, but that he thinks I’m going about this the wrong way, and he says he’s willing to take the risk because “it’s family.” I told him he obviously doesn’t truly understand vaccines then. So now, husband and my SIL feel I’m the AH, and that I’ve effectively ruined nephew coming to stay with us for the year. I don’t think my conditions were unreasonable at all, and that they don’t understand how important this issue is.
So reddit, AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NOPE
You are NTA and your husband has got to get his head on straight.
Frankly, it does not even seem like a good idea for you to be doing this and your husband’s sister and her husband can’t even manage to pay their child’s way in your home. They do NOT get to send a unvaccinated kid into your house and into your school system.
If it is that important to them to keep him from benefiting from basic medical care, they can figure out how to house their own child.
Ridiculous!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) the action: my telling my husband and SIL that nephew needs to have titers and base vaccinations done before coming to livd with us.
2) i could be the asshole because perhaps I’m supposed to put personal feelings/familial ties above public health and safety and above the health and safety of our household. To me that is ridiculous, but I want to see how many people out there belief that, perhaps I am truly the outlier.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. If your kids are up to date on vaccines then why would you be concerned if he’s not?
nta
I’m sorry this might be an unpopular opinion, but don’t fucking have kids if you don’t wanna deal with them
NTA. His parents might be fine with exposing him to potentially deadly or life-long disability causing diseases. You have your children to take care of.
I’ve got kids on a football team, and everyone gets sick all the time in season—nobody wants to miss practice or God forbid, a GAME so there are kids in the huddle in the locker room with active COVID, flu, you name it. So yeah, he needs to be vaccinated.
NTA.
NTA. You’re not saying your nephew isn’t welcome — you’re saying that for him to live in your home, around your children, and participate in your community, he needs to meet basic health and safety standards. That’s not just reasonable, it’s responsible parenting.
This isn’t about punishing him or your SIL for their views, it’s about protecting your own kids (especially the 2-year-old) and everyone else he’ll come into contact with. Schools have vaccine requirements for a reason. You’re being asked to take on a huge responsibility — emotionally, logistically, and financially — and the bare minimum in return should be ensuring that the health of your household isn’t compromised.
Your husband saying “it’s family” doesn’t magically cancel out the real, tangible risks. And your SIL being upset doesn’t make you the bad guy — she had 15 years to make better decisions.
You’re not drawing a line out of spite — you’re doing it out of love, caution, and common sense. That’s what good parents and good guardians do.
NTA
So your husband is willing to take the risk because “it’s family”?
And what exactly are YOUR children???
Does he realize children are dying in the US from measles??? Two in Texas since end of February.
Is he truly willing to risk his children to a preventable illness to appease sister?
NTA He has every right not to get vaccinated..You have every right to require it in your house
If it’s okay to take a risk like that “for family”, why can’t the nephew get vaccinated to help keep his family safe?
NTA. It would already be a big imposition to have him live with you. And yet they refuse to do what they can to make things safer. Stand your ground.
NTA
You have to put the health and safety of your kids and your family before anything else.
I think SIL should ask her son if he wants to be vaccinated and explain the situation to him. Having him in your house is a huge responsibility and if your house rules are to be vaccinated then she can talk to him about it.
NTA, you’re doing the right thing for your house and your community.
NTA. It makes sense not to bring a child who could acquire preventable diseases into your home. It doesn’t sound like you’re asking for him to be vaccinated for anything controversial like HSV, which is more of a personal problem. How will he be enrolled in school and sports if he isn’t vaccinated?
NTA
Anti-vaxxers are the assholes. They think their ignorance is equal to medical knowledge. And they are using their ignorance not only to endanger their children, but to endanger the health of everybody.
Herd immunity is vitally important to public health. Vaccines do not work for everyone who takes them, so the only way to stop the spread of disease is for everyone to get vaccinated, so that the points of failures are limited only to those small few. This is how we stop diseases from spreading through the whole population.
Family who wants to live in your house but won’t take this basic step to prevent bringing horrible diseases into your home? Assholes.
lol bc “family” won’t get anyone sick, right? What an insane rationale on your husband’s part. He needs to protect his young family and let his sister worry about hers (or not worry, since she’s a moron).
I don’t know why but I also sincerely doubt that your sil is going to pay you to raise her kid. Maybe some money at first but after that I bet it dries up.
Financial burden and no vaccines? Nope nope nope!
NTA. U may want to remind ur husband that in the world b4 vaccines children died. They died often. Maybe show him the measles outbreak in TX. This would b a hard line for me.
Most schools won’t enroll him if his vaccines are not up to date. Has he been homeschooled?
NTA, Thing is I’m personally suspicious of certain modern vaccines myself, but I wear masks when there is a advisor and use hand sanitizer to not put others at risk. This is your household you’d be accepting him into as a kindness to your family. It should be a family’s choice to get vaccines or not in my opinion, but its your household, if thats your requirement for him to live with you, then thats totally your call to make.
NTA
Tell your husband the fact that “it’s family” is why the option to stay with you is on the table at all.
Vaccination is and should remain a non-negotiable. If SIL is going to refuse your incredibly generous offer over this issue, that’s on her.
NTA at all.
NTA
> he says he’s willing to take the risk because “it’s family.”
Eww.
> his mom is tired of dealing with raising a teenage boy alone
I mean, too fucking bad for her. She should have thought about that 15 years ago. Ending up a single parent is always a risk when you choose to have children.
At least she’s consistent about making bad decisions, to her credit.
I’m sorry, but you’re lacking some vital information.
Does she have sole legal custody? If not, this is a nonissue. His father can create a whole world of legal trouble for everyone.
Was she going to give you temporary legal guardianship (this will also possibly let you claim him on your taxes)? If no legal paperwork would be involved for you to take him in so you can sign paperwork/provide medical care, then the vaccinations are a moot point.
YTA for not trying to protect your family and your nephew legally.
NTA. Where I live, he wouldn’t be able to attend school without being up to date. She is the AH for letting your 1 year old be exposed though I guess she doesn’t really understand vaccines. You are willing to let her son live with you for a year. That is incredibly kind. Make sure her and your husband don’t make some sort of agreement or something to trick you.
I’m glad you will be insisting on proper health care. Your nephew is lucky to have you to go to. But seriously, this anti-vaxx stance in only possible in the US, am I right?
Nope NTA. This is a hill to die on.
NTA. It’s fair.
Also the kid is 15, he may be old enough depending where you live to make his own medical decisions. So have you asked him his opinions on getting jabbed? He may very much be pro vaccine and you can help him achieve this goal.
NTA in any way, shape, or form. You have to protect your family.
End of story.
IDK how all that works, but if he’s living with you full time, wouldn’t someone need to become his guardian on paper? Because someone needs to take him to the doctor in an emergency and sign his papers from school. So you have to be aligned on his potential medical care if he’s living with you.
No. Science is real. If the sister in law wants you to take on this teen, then she accepts your basic request for physician safety.
NTA. Your SIL is a “staunch anti-vaxxer”… Well your family is “pro -vaxxer “. I won’t reiterate the reasons, as other redditors already stated the rationale for your position much more eloquently than I could. “It’s family” should never be used to put your family at risk. If you’re willing to do your SIL this huge favor, she needs to decide if it’s more important to maintain her cult mentality or meet you halfway and allow him to be vaccinated. She doesn’t have to agree. Her choice. Your husband should back you up, if he has any spine.
NTA.
Also, HE’S probably the one that is going to catch something with toddlers in the house. Tell her that. Ask her who is going to take care of the hospital bills when he comes up with the chicken pox or something.
NTA
Your husband thinks it’s worth your children suffering and possibly dying of a completely preventable disease because his sister can’t be bothered to parent. Because…family. Do what you will with that. And do you feel your SIL is reliable? Do you have an agreement on how much she’s going to be contributing? Is it on paper, signed, and witnessed? This sounds like a horrible idea.
OMG, wtf is wrong with your husband?
NTA.
Y WBTA if you let unvaxxed nephew live there.
NTA – I don’t allow anyone in my house who isn’t vaccinated – including my niece’s husband. I also assumed everyone was vaccinated until covid. My husband and I were fully vaccinated and boosted. He was a police officer and passed away 22 months ago from heart disease caused from long covid. He got it from working an anti-vaccine protest at our hospital – we think. At this point, I don’t care who you are – not vaccinated – not coming into my home.
Take a risk cuz FAMILY?! Oh, fuck no. Stand your ground on this. You’re absolutely correct – it’s dangerous, & in my opinionirresponsible, to not vaccinate your kids!
Please, make this your hill!
NTA
NTA.
Your husband may be willing to take the risk. But I he willing to alert everyone his nephew comes in contact with so that they can also choose whether or not to take the risk?
The one month old baby with little immunity?
The waitress at the restaurant, who started treatment for cancer a month ago and is extra susceptible as a result?
The transplant patient with a new kidney and new lease on life, who has to take immunosuppressants to live?
How kind of him to make their decisions for them and put them at risk, because his nephew and sister aren’t getting along.
Updateme
How does your nephew feel about vaccines? There’s some places who will vaccinate consenting teens without their parents being asked. Maybe you could help him with that process?
NTA Absolutely.
But please reconsider having your nephew moving in. Your husband has just shown he will not have your back on discussions with his sister and that he disregards his daughter’s health and safety. 🚩🚩🚩