I F26 live with M25 and M27, the way our house is set up I essentially have the entire upstairs floor because I have the upstairs bedroom and the upstairs bathroom and my 2 roommates rooms are on the first floor and they both have a bathroom of their own (they share 1 shower because one of the bathrooms is a half bathroom).
M27 I’ll call James (moved in 2 months ago) has been a bit odd, very like overly nice and a bit pushy with helping even offering to vacuum my room. Which is all nice even though I declined but I came home yesterday and saw that all of my laundry was gone only to realize it was sitting in the dryer. I keep my dirty clothes in a hamper in my bathroom so that’s where he got them from. I asked M25 (Eric) if he did them as I’m fairly close with him and I got a staunch “eeewww no” so that left John, I then texted John and asked him and he said “Yes I did!” Just like that, now I feel like a mega AH for this but in the moment I was a bit weirded out I replied “Please never do that again”. He read but didn’t reply to my message. AITA for this? I just feel like it’s a bit odd to do, like my panties and bras being handled by someone just feels off :/ and not to mention he put my bras in the DRYER.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
I F26 live with M25 and M27, the way our house is set up I essentially have the entire upstairs floor because I have the upstairs bedroom and the upstairs bathroom and my 2 roommates rooms are on the first floor and they both have a bathroom of their own (they share 1 shower because one of the bathrooms is a half bathroom).
M27 I’ll call James (moved in 2 months ago) has been a bit odd, very like overly nice and a bit pushy with helping even offering to vacuum my room. Which is all nice even though I declined but I came home yesterday and saw that all of my laundry was gone only to realize it was sitting in the dryer. I keep my dirty clothes in a hamper in my bathroom so that’s where he got them from. I asked M25 (Eric) if he did them as I’m fairly close with him and I got a staunch “eeewww no” so that left John, I then texted John and asked him and he said “Yes I did!” Just like that, now I feel like a mega AH for this but in the moment I was a bit weirded out I replied “Please never do that again”. He read but didn’t reply to my message. AITA for this? I just feel like it’s a bit odd to do, like my panties and bras being handled by someone just feels off :/ and not to mention he put my bras in the DRYER.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I texted my roommate in a very mean tone to never touch my clothes, I feel this may make me the AH because he may have been trying to be nice
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. That’s super weird. It would be one thing if you left your clothes in the washer all day and he put them in the dryer, but that’s so odd. Get a door lock if you can, or a little ring camera.
NTA. It’s creepy, makes you wonder if he was jerking off and wanted to hide the evidence. If you want him to 100% stop, tell him you don’t put all your clothes in the dryer and you don’t always use default wash settings. Due to that, if he does it again, he can pay you for your ruined bras.
Which will probably not be cheap!
It’s kind of an asshole move on his part. If you’re sharing a bathroom with those two dudes, none of you should keep dirty laundry on the bathroom. Maybe ESH for hygiene reasons.
NTA
Definitely crossed a boundary coming into your bathroom and grabbing your clothes. It would be different if you left your clothes in the washer and someone else put them in the dryer for you but this is too far.
NTA, it’s weird. Don’t feel bad, stand your ground, he definitely overstepped.
NTA at allllll, that’s so creepy. I would get a lock for your door and a camera for your room. That sounds very obnoxious to live with, I’m so sorry
i think he was trying to be nice, but yeah NTA. i would just let him know that although you appreciate the sentiment of him trying to help you clean that it is personal and girls clothes are delicate so they cannot be washed the same way as his. may help his future girlfriend down the line so he doesn’t ruin their clothes
Uhhhhhhh… In this case, definitely NTAH. I have had a few “women” roommates during my college years and the only thing I’d wash of theirs was towels. Nothing personal, unless asked specifically to “throw it in” with my load. Washing someone’s intimates is an invasion of privacy and just weird. You may have been slightly harsh with your delivery, but the message should of, and was, clear.
Huge NTA. That’s beyond creepy – he had to go out of his way, up the stairs to your space. Super inappropriate.
NTA
It would be one thing if your clothes were already mixed together but the fact he had to go out of his way to get your clothes and put them in the wash is super weird.
Plus you weren’t mean in your message, you just kinda told him not to do it again which is fair.
I got clothes that need to be washed a certain way or they’ll get damaged, I don’t know if you have clothes like this but neither did this other guy.
You did nothing wrong, and I’d prolly have a chat with this guy to make sure this doesn’t continue.
Downvoting this entire sub, sorry. My issue is with the sub, not you. Your post just caught the backlash
Yikes.
Why would you resort to undergarments and not something like dirty socks ?
Why does your mind automatically go there, as if it’s a conspiracy that he’s out to get you ?
Never in the history of mankind has a weirdo, washed their victims undergarments and put them in the dryer ( bra’s n all ). Never in reality has a weirdo, when asked “ did you wash my clothes “ had he said, yes !
This. Just . Doesn’t . Happen if he’s up to nefarious business.
YTA. You are being paranoid about something that isn’t even happening .
NTA.
Missing any panties? Roommate sounds weird. Why would someone volunteer to do their roommates laundry and clean their room?
If you were leaving dirty clothes out in common areas that’s another issue all together and yes you would be TA if that was the case. Even then I wouldn’t clean then for you. Id throw them in your room. But these were in your dirty clothes hamper? Nope. Weirdo alert
NTA
Get a lock
Who wants to vacuum their new roommates bedroom!
Social contract fail 9999
NTA I would be fucking pissed if someone touched my laundry without asking and put my bras in the dryer. Or if they dried any of my clothes on any setting other than low heat. Don’t fuck with my clothes, I can’t afford to just replace them because some jack off wore them out by washing/drying them improperly
Get a lock for your door. They aren’t hard to install. It’s about a $40 fix. Read the directions and it’ll take you 20 – 30 minutes. I’d do two locks and get them keyed so you can use one key universally.
A day ago you posted that your female roommate was jealous that her boyfriend joined you and your boyfriend in the pool when she wasn’t there. Apparently she felt uncomfortable that you were in a bikini. And now you’re posting that you have two male roommates?
NTA. If you haven’t already, get a security camera now. They’re cheap, easy to use, and can be a lifesaver. He wasn’t trying to be a nice guy. This was a violation of so many different levels. At the very least, he did your laundry so he could play with you underwear. That’s the most innocent option.
I’d also check to see if anything was missing or moved. If you had any items that had personal information, I’d freeze my credit and replace any cards. He could very well be using the “doing your laundry” ruse to get access to anything and everything about you.
He is a creep and you are not safe around him.
No, this is super weird.
Your first roommate’s response was appropriate ‘eeewwww no’ because even he knows it’s weird. NTA
Bras in the dryer?! This is why hubby isn’t allowed to do laundry. He is a creep!
That is very creepy. Trust your instincts.
Very very very clearly NTA. This person has a serious issue, make sure you’re not missing any underwear and consider drawing a bright line that he’ll be asked to leave if anything even remotely like this ever happens again.
NTA. I would feel bothered by someone I don’t know well, touching my dirty laundry when I didn’t ask, and it wasn’t in the way. Your room is in a whole other level of space that he never needs to be in, so there is that, too. Feels like he is looking for reasons to be in your space and looking at your things. At this rate I would wonder if he rummaged through or read anything private you might have. 🤔 😬
I had a similar situation with a roommate. I didn’t even waste a second in telling him that I didn’t want him to touch my laundry.
If you want to soften the blow you can just tell him you have a special routine for your clothes and would prefer that they do not get ruined. It’s not lying, and hopefully that should be enough to keep him from doing something like that again.
Still I would follow what a lot of people have said here and get a lock for your door.
NTA – TBH I was waiting for the twist where you leave clothes all over the apartment and he had to throw them ina pile or something. Obviously not the case.
He went in your room. That is a roommate transgression of the highest order.
Next he’ll be wearing them. Get rid of him, or at least get a deadbolt.
NTA, as a man with two sisters, if they ask me to toss stuff in a washer or take stuff from a dryer, sure. But doing that without being asked/without permission is just really weird for a guy to do. You might want to consider putting a camera in your room/walking around with a flashlight to see if he’s planted one. He’s already going into your private spaces when you’re not home, so best to be safe.
Ewwww he’s probably a panty sniffer!
lock your door, sis
nta
NTA. He has no reason to be upstairs, no reason to be bathroom. Put locks on everything and get cameras.
NTA, that’s a huge breach of privacy and comes across as super creepy.
NTA!
What your roommate did is a huge violation of your privacy and hard boundaries need to be established. I’d talk to your other roommate and see if he’d support you in having a house meeting to basically go over the dos and don’t of shared vs privacy space and property.
Bras are expensive. Did they make it out of the dryer ok or are they jacked up? He should be on the hook for destroying your property. What he sees as being helpful was not helpful – in fact he created a burden for you. He cannot get away with trying to pull the “I was just trying to do something nice” excuse. This is stuff you’ve explicitly told him not to do. He did it anyway.
Did he vacuum as well? Did he have to go through your room to get to that bathroom or is it across the hall from your room or something?
Regardless, he’s being way too familiar with someone he has no business feeling that familiar with.
This smells like the guy likes you, and is pulling the “nice guy” move where he forces his kindness on you in order to accrue a debt that he expects you to repay in sleeping with him, essentially
Lmao.
I am sure you were shaking with glee, while writing this.
Honest question how long did it take you? Only to find out it’s still irrelevant and moot ?