Hi, throwaway for obvious reasons. For reference we’re both basically children (17 and 18) so anything I do about this outside of her will have consequences in school and with parents.
I don’t really know how to start this because I’m kinda. Not freaking out but like. Nervous? So basically we were in the car earlier. Making out and doing whatever you think two teenagers would do in the back of a car. I noticed some scratches on her wrist but I ignored them. They were really uniform so it seemed weird but she has a cat so I just assumed it was that. But later when I was kissing her hands (corny whatever), I noticed she kept pulling away that wrist and turning so I couldn’t see it. I started to panic a bit but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so I didn’t let her see it. We moved on. Later when I was getting out of her car I hugged her and it lasted like 15 minutes. She started crying and I rubbed her back and comforted her any way I could but I was just so worried. She went back to her usual joking after but idk.
I’m just so so worried. She’s been REALLY stressed out recently and her mom is being awful and I’m going away for a week (part of why I didn’t say anything so that we didn’t start a conversation I couldn’t finish in person). We’re a pretty new couple. Like 3 weeks? But I care about her so much and I want to be near her always. I’ve gotten continuously more worried about her. She has a lot of trauma that I won’t talk about because it’s not mine to share. But she’s one of those people who copes through humor and struggles to talk about her feelings.
What do I even do? If I tell the school they’ll tell her mom who resents her mental health issues. Like it’s insane, she once grounded her for playing with her hair too much because she “looks schizo.” And if I tell the school what would they even do? She’s already on academic probation where they watch her grades to make sure she’s doing alright because of something that happened last fall. What else could they possibly do for her? Her dad is out of the picture. Her mom is awful about her mental health even though she’s a THERAPIST. The school?? Idk. What do I do? I’m a kid. I adore her but I’m lost and I just want her to be okay.
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Talk to her about it before you do anything else. If you’re concerned to ask too directly, find a subtle way to bring up the subject. Fast facts are a good way to do it. “Did you know that 1 in 5 people have self harmed at some point. Whoa that’s a lot higher than I expected. That means some kids in our class might do it…” and watch her reaction. If she’s not forthcoming ask her about her opinion about that fact “what do you think makes so many people do it?” That opens the door for her to talk about “other people’s reasons” and gives her space to vent. Let her talk to you and then decide what needs done.
I used to SH when I was around the same age, I’m 22 now, been clean for 4 years.
One thing that helps is care and support. Let her know you are there for her, tell her that she can talk to you about it when she is ready, give her a safe space away from her mum, and her mental health may improve. I also lost a friend around the same time due to suicide. It takes a huge toll mentally.
Be her safe space, be there for her, and provide her with knowledge. Maybe start researching on her behalf ways to cope. And suggest little things.
Honestly, just having a good support system is what helped me through my dark days.
Just know it is a long battle, as I’m sure you’d already know, takes years.
my best friend does SH as well, she says she’s addicted or something there are several reasons for anyone who’s going through this thing, some people have old trauma or few are just addicted to the pain, when people can not regulate their emotions wisely they sort of choose to do things like these as well, in your girlfriend’s case she’s been holding back a lot of trauma personally i’d suggest you to talk to her about this irl when you both are together, convince her to tell what she feels after doing that so – pain, relief or some sort of pleasure ( don’t mind the words i’m using to convey the message ) and then provide her with different things she can do rather than doing SH as i’ve given my best friend a jar full of beautiful notes ( i know this might be a lil tough but if you are really into helping them you’ve to give a try ) i tell her to read one of the message whenever she feels anger, pain and sadness rushing over her, i have asked her to do journaling as well, to write each and every single beautiful thing that she encounters or like moments you both have shared, whenever she feels the urge – persuade her to read them and the best one is the replacement for this action, rather than doing SH give her a stuff toy, my bestfriend already has one, so what i do is i threaten her playfully that if you do something bad with yourself, this cute teddy of yours will see everything and idts you will wish someone else to see you doing something like that and as you mentioned your girlfriend copes through humor and struggles to convey, well then try to improve her social media feed, idk if this works for everyone but i am very much aligned with my feed, if it shows me something sad or triggering to my past, i’ll instantly start overthinking, being a girl myself i know how it works for girls, improve her feed. i know i have said a lot and for the last, i can relate with your gf since my mother has some sort of same case as well so i’d say, give her the love her mother couldn’t or she can’t as well rn, three weeks and further, ask her what used to excite her as a child, if it’s some possible thing to be done together, try doing that, hope this helps, i hope she feels better.