Long distance bf either ghosted me, or his phone’s out of reach.

I’ve felt inexplicably sick and sad whenever I think about never talking to him again, or it even taking months for him to get back. He‘s said his phone‘s been taken for months at a time, and I never thought it would happen while we were talking. He’s just been so sweet, but what worries me is that he got slightly like less.. giddy? If that helps explain it? He’s talked less and stuff but still tried to match my energy. And for that I’m thankful.

However, it’s just been horrible cause I feel like it’s something I did. and that’s what led me to believe he might have ghosted me. before all this, everything was fine too. He even got me to fully quit smoking.

Anyways, this is more of a vent than anything, but I’m just so nauseous whenever i think about not talking to him. He’s the first person I’ve really opened up to, and I’m always excited for the day I drive to his place. We talked, and really talked, and for the first time, I heard and was heard. He saved me from doing some really bad stuff to myself. I don‘t think I can lose him. I don’t know how to cope if we don’t talk, and I want to give him his time. I do, but I love him, you know?

I mean, what if he comes back and has a girlfriend in person? What if he finds someone he loves more than me? I trust him, dearly and I’d trust him with my life, like I told him. I’d choose you over anything. But scenarios keep running through my mind. I miss him. And I don’t feel okay.