I am the middle child of 3 – older brother and younger sister. My bother and I have never had the strongest of relationships. While my sister is someone who heavily believes you stand by family no matter what, I’m someone who believes you should cut toxic people from your life whether they’re family or friends.
Bit of background – my brother is a chronic liar and breaks every promise he makes. Weeks after my auntie had passed from her battle with cancer, my brother told us he had also been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had 6 months to live. This sent us spiralling and after we all said we would like to come to his appointments and support him, he told us he had been given the wrong results by his GP and was completely fine. The final straw for me growing up was when I was 18 years old, a boy I worked with, who I was madly in love with suddenly ended his life. At the time I didn’t have my license so my brother had said he would take me to his funeral. The day came and I waited and waited for him to pick me up. After multiple missed calls, he finally got back to me and said he was gaming with friends and had forgotten…. I missed the funeral.
As we grew up I gave up making any effort with him but my sister and him did stay somewhat close. About 4 years ago my brother meet his now fiancée. Like my brother, his fiancée and I aren’t overly close. She displays similar behaviours as my brother and has often ruined family events by fake crying or storming off to be the centre of attention. Last year they got engaged and have decided to have the wedding in the backyard of my parents family home.
My sister was quickly asked to be a bridesmaid by the two of them. I didn’t expect much as we weren’t close so I was surprised when a month later, my brother asked if I could be a witness of the signing of their marriage certificate. It obviously isn’t anywhere near as big as being a bridesmaid but I thought at this point that maybe he was trying to mend things and said yes. Not even 2 months later, my parents were telling me about the wedding and dropped that my brother has now decided to sign the certificate a week before the ceremony and the wedding was “for show”. I’ve waited months now and my brother still hasn’t told me I’m no longer in the wedding. There’s been plenty of birthday’s and family dinners where he has had the chance to but hasn’t.
I didn’t think I would be upset by not being apart of his big day. In all honesty, I would actually prefer to not go at all. I think what’s bothering me the most is nothing as been communicated with me. I feel like for one, if I decided to include one of my siblings as a bridesmaid/groomsman and not the other, I would have a chat to the other and make sure they understood why. But for him to ask me to be his witness and then change plans and not tell me just solidifies my feelings towards him. I wish it didn’t bother me.
Comments
Don’t go. If he doesn’t respect you or care about you you shouldn’t care about him. Honestly since he doesn’t feel like telling you you shouldn’t even tell him you’re not going Just don’t show up
Im so sorry, babe. I know what it is like to have family like this. You’re right to feel the way you feel. And that’s okay, baby. I would feel so hurt as well. Stand up for your feelings and what feels right to you. Dont go if you dont want to. Use that day for you. Go out and have like spa day or pamper yourself. Or spend the day doing things you like / value. Im sorry, but they probably won’t change. Maybe they will feel bad when they keep getting asked, “Where is you?”
Who knows how long they will last end ways hehe.
But to be honest, you know what you’ll be missing out on… the fighting, the crying, the drama… fuck that. Be happy. Be you 💛 take care of yourself.
sometimes blood is all that you share with someone, and that alone doesn’t come with obligations or ties.
Your brother sucks. I wouldn’t even bother going to the wedding. Tell him you were gaming with friends and forgot.