I (28f) have been friends with a group of 3 girls around the same age as me for a couple of years now through similar interests. We see each other 1-2 times a week on average. I recently lost my grandmother which gave me about 3 weeks away from these friends, in another geological location.
In this time I did a lot of self reflection as I had a lot of time to myself. I realized how much it bothers me when people don’t let others finish saying their thoughts and they end up getting interrupted and talked over. Mind you, I’m NOT one of those that just keeps talking and doesn’t give others a chance to talk, I’m kind of seen as the quiet one. Anyway, I just made the decision I’m not gonna let that happen anymore.
When I see the girls again, I immediately start practicing powering through my sentence. I don’t get obnoxiously loud or nasty either, I just continue to finish what I started saying. I can see it throws them off. There’s been a few times where they tried to passive aggressively, fight back with their interruptions, and I had to stop my sentence and say “I’m not finished with my point” and then they just look at me like I’m being rude.
I’ve hung out with them 5 times after returning from my grandmother’s funeral. First 2 times they hit me up, the last 3 times I hit them up. After I realized I was the last person to reach out 3 times, something told me to just wait to see who reaches out to me again. What do ya know, I haven’t heard from them in 2 months.
Good riddance.
Comments
good for you!!! 👏👏👏
Honestly! good for you. Some people get so used to dominating conversations that they treat basic respect like an attack. You found your voice and set a boundary, they just didn’t like losing control. Let them go. Real friends don’t disappear just because you started valuing yourself. Proud of you.
So this entire group of friends has a way of interacting that does t work for you? Some people engage in conversation with a back and forth sort of rhythm, like a call and response. It’s not interrupting, it’s participating in conversation. Other people don’t like that and feel interrupted, they want to speak their piece like someone at a podium, and then sit down and let another speak.
But neither group is wrong, they just see interactions differently.
Sounds like you outgrew them, and it’s a good thing. Surround yourself with people who don’t just wait to speak, but actually want to listen.
I broke up a whole engagement for the same reason. It’s really simple to just let others finish speaking. It’s one thing to do it, get corrected and simply fucking stop. But to acknowledge that it’s frustrating someone and continuing to do it, is another thing
See it’s one thing for adhd people to interrupt to throw something in there because it resonated with them and they thought it would bring something really important to the conversation and people who interrupt who do it just to be rude and and dominate the conversation and try to control other people.
Power to you!
Amazing!
‘Know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.’ 🤣
Good job. Boundaries are important
28f and calling each others “girls” and you’re a full ass grown woman who’s pushing 30.
What’s next? 30 years old girl
i did the same once in high school. my house burned down so i moved away for a semester. no one kept in touch and i was too depressed to initiate anything. then i moved back and my old friends were polite at first, but i noticed no one talked to me unless i talked to them first
so i started going to the library during lunch instead of sitting with them and i literally never talked to them again. except for one person who messaged me shortly after we graduated and apologized for how she treated me. i appreciated that
Those aren’t friends, those are acquaintances that would use you however they could.
Good for you
don’t mind me, I’m just trying to imbue myself with your energy. I also get constantly talked over and interrupted, and the rare time someone is like “oh yeah what were you saying?” I’ve already forgotten my train of thought. I hate it.
Love this for you! I don’t speak unless I know I’m going to be respected enough for someone to listen, otherwise it’s a waste of time to have conversation. I only have friendships with those that listen just as much as they talk! It’s great:)
As someone who is constantly interrupted or spoken over well done. Its so frustrating and confidence knocking not being allowed to speak
Good job! I’ve done something similar at least once when I was in high school. I just finished whatever I was saying while my friend talked over me, and then she asked me to say it again (which I did not because I was annoyed). We were actually really good friends and stayed friends for a few years until we drifted apart during our college years.
I do remember that there was a guy in college who would constantly interrupt me whenever we talked. It was annoying, but I don’t think I ever tried the same tactic with him.
congrats on your two month breakup and sincere condolences for your 3 weeks + 5 hangouts + two months of dead grandmother.
>Good riddance.
that makes 4 women who won’t talk over you again.
Good for you.
Yes! I am proud of you. Be heard!
I cut off about 5 friends coming out of college because I realised that they were just immature bullies. One was a friend I’d had since I was about 7, no regrets
Good for you!
My go-to, especially when I’ve had enough, is “I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” They tend to stutter out an apology while I just stare at them. Once they’re quiet with shame, I continue. If I’m feeling real bitchy, I just walk away after my question.
It sounds like you’ve outgrown them.
Good on you! You deserve people who will listen to and respect you
I want you to know that what you just did was an absolute gift to some young women on here that might not have had the original context to understand how they can take charge of their rights. I seriously applaud you for posting this as it is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than some realize
I’m not saying this is you, but some people are masters of the run-on sentence and so nobody else can ever get a word in edgewise.
This bothers me more as a listener than as the person who gets interrupted. I’m the type of person where if I’m interrupted, whatever, I’m not some almighty philosopher anyway. But it bothers me a lot when there’s one person in a group who have lack of social awareness and interrupts something I’m listening to. I don’t like cliff hangers, and an asshole just created one for some shitty story about themselves.
Proud of you OP♡
I’ve been holding my boundaries more lately and yeah, true friends will listen and adjust.
I once read that basically most ppl aren’t listening they are all just waiting to talk
It’s sad that rings true. Good for you.
I am terrible at interrupting ppl. I am impulsive and have adhd and I find it so embarrassing and I try to do everything in my power to slow down and really listen and not say anything.
A real friend would be apologetic and probably a little embarrassed. They wouldn’t shut you out like that.
They can go screw.