Being a disabled man is very, very hard

r/

I’m 22. I have cerebral palsy. All my life, I have never known what it’s like to be wanted by a member of the opposit sex. I’ve never felt desirable, beautiful, or attractive; never been touched, held, kissed…

Because I have no hope of ever having any of the human experiences that normal people do, I have dedicated myself to more grandiose, “noble” goals (becoming a writer/historian, getting into my dream school, chronicling the political history of my nation, etc.) that are disconnected from the individuality of my disabled self in this world, and I won’t lie, it has helped me quite a bit. It’s kept me sane.

Still, it can’t fill the void in my soul that’s created by the lack of romantic affection, and the feeling of not being a real human. It’s as though there’s a layer of my heart that’s constantly bleeding, and I’m just building barricades on the surface of the layer above to keep the pool of blood from reaching there, but the small hole through which the blood is leaking is still at the bottom of the layer below.

The knowledge that I will die alone, incomplete, and broken hits hard sometimes, even though I can generally cope with it, thanks to the aforementioned pursuits. I would’ve given up on so many things to know what it’s like to be a real man, a real human, even for a single day…

Sadly, it will never happen. There’s no hope.

Comments

  1. fredotwoatatime Avatar

    Hey man I’m rlly rlly sorry to hear that. I don’t have any physical disabilities but I also have struggled a lot with finding a partner and i do feel v lonely sometimes, so commiserations

  2. Natmad1 Avatar

    Sadly you value on the dating market will never be high enough to compete with non disabled men, it’s the hard truth of being a disabled as man, you have to be competing with an unfair disadvantage that cannot be fixed

    It’s very cool that you have the others goals, keep try harding that

    (Don’t get baited by downvoted, people downvote what they don’t like, and I dont fit their headcanon, my comment has value because im not sugarcoating it)

  3. drolubber Avatar

    The pain you’re carrying is real, but so is your brilliance, your depth, and your strength. You matter. Not having certain experiences doesn’t make you any less whole. Keep pursuing your dreams, but know you are already someone to be admired and cherished.

  4. Anxious-Ad9436 Avatar

    It’s true, dating is difficult for people with disabilities. Not impossible though…
    I have a colleague that has cerebral palsy, he mostly moves with an electric wheelchair.
    He got into theatre, and six months ago he met a woman, they have been dating since. She is not disabled. My colleague is 27 years old.
    I’m not trying to say it’s not difficult, just wanted to add this story as I think at 22 you don’t know if you will be alone forever.

  5. GreekGoddessOfNight Avatar

    Hey your feelings are valid and I empathize.

    I dated a man for a pretty good while who is a full time chair user, he was born with SB. For reference I am a fully able bodied woman who would be considered good looking by traditional standards. You’re very young yet, there are women out there who can look past your disability and see you for the man you are. I’m not saying there won’t be challenges but I am saying that you should put yourself out there bc you can and will find someone.

    If you’d like to chat about what it was like to be with a person with a disability from my perspective please feel free to DM me.

  6. schwarzmalerin Avatar

    Ever thought of teaming up with a woman in the same boat?

  7. 6alexandria9 Avatar

    Have u ever heard of the show Special? It’s about a young gay man with cerebral palsy, produced and acted by someone who actually has cerebral palsy. It’s a wonderful show and I loved it as someone with an outside perspective, but maybe watching it could give you some solace and hope that the world and dating life aren’t as bleak as it might seem. Never say never fr

  8. coffeewalnut05 Avatar

    I’m also neurodivergent in my early twenties and have felt similar to you many ways!!

    I do want to tell you though, your life is not over and you will meet new people. Don’t give up now. I know it seems hard and I can relate to so much of what you say, but there is someone and something out there for you.

    It might take longer to find what fulfils you, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

    Also, everyone has their own struggles. Plenty of neurotypical people also complain about their dating life or lack thereof.

  9. hetep-di-isfet Avatar

    Stephen Hawking got married twice.
    You’ll be okay, my dude. Get through the self pity and push forward

  10. Intelligent_Umpire62 Avatar

    I mean I’ve got cerebral palsy and I’ve gotten laid a bunch my dude. Yeah it definitely makes life harder but it’s not a death sentence.

  11. kickgobrr Avatar

    Relationships suck anyway

  12. CykaRuskiez3 Avatar

    You just need some good wingmen dude. I know a guy with literally no jaw and we got him 2 chicks kissing him at once, we also got an airbnb to get him laid. You got this

  13. Least_Contest3913 Avatar

    Im. 35Yr disabled music professor, I’ve never once been worth even a first date.

    Don’t get your hopes up, it’s dumb to hope a woman ever even just talks to us

  14. SadShayde Avatar

    Honey, no.

    I’m in my 40’s and have CP. I also have a child, and have been in several relationships, both long and short term, while I’ve been with my current partner for almost 13 years.

    Your life’s just starting, there’s so much potential!

    Please don’t give up, or lose hope.