I (27M) thought those at-home DNA tests were just a goofy way to learn about your ancestry, like finding out you’re 2% Viking or whatever. So last month, I ordered one on a whim, swabbed my cheek, and sent it off. When the results came back, I was expecting some fun trivia to share at family dinner. Instead, I got a bombshell that’s torn my life apart.The test showed I have zero genetic match to my dad. Zero. The guy who raised me, taught me how to ride a bike, and cheered at every soccer game isn’t my biological father. I was in shock, scrolling through the results, thinking it was a mistake. But then I saw a “close relative” match—a second cousin I’d never heard of, linked to a family name my mom’s never mentioned.I confronted my mom privately. Her face went white, and she started crying before I even finished the question. She admitted she had an affair early in my parents’ marriage, a one-night thing with a coworker she swears she barely knew. She thought I was my dad’s because I look enough like him, and she buried it to “protect the family.” My dad still doesn’t know. She begged me not to tell him, saying it’ll destroy him and their 30-year marriage.Now I’m stuck. I feel like my whole identity’s a lie. I love my dad—he’s my hero—but every time I see him, I’m hiding this secret that’s eating me alive. I tracked down the second cousin online, and she hinted my bio dad might still be out there, living a whole other life. Part of me wants to find him, but what if he’s a deadbeat? Or worse, what if he wants to be part of my life and it blows up everything?The worst part? My sister (who’s definitely my dad’s kid) keeps asking why I’m acting weird. I can’t tell her without risking the family imploding. I’m angry at my mom for lying, heartbroken for my dad, and honestly kinda curious about this stranger who’s half of me. Has anyone else been through this? Should I tell my dad and risk everything? Keep it secret and live with the guilt? Or hunt down my bio dad and maybe regret it? I’m lost.
Comments
You should tell your dad and contact your real father.
You should definitely tell your dad.
And father is more than just blood and genetics or whatever. Your dad was your hero and the dad you need(ed), so no need to change anything about that. And about your bio dad, as you already mentioned, he could be a deadbeat who knows. It’s your decision if you want to reach out to him or not.
The most important thing is to have the conversation with your dad. Who, despite what another Redditor said, is your real dad. Your real dad is the person that raised you and loved you and whom you consider your hero. The other person is your biological father, and it remains to seen whether he is worth your time or not. In the meantime, your real dad deserves to know the truth – it will come out at some point inevitably, and if he thought that you knew and kept it a secret from him that could do so much damage to your relationship. If he is half the man you think he is, this will not change the way he views you. But it may change the way he views your mom.
I hope things go as well as they can. I think that given your relationship with your dad, you will make it through this.
I would take my time and really think about my situation. The consequences will be huge.
Yes he deserves to know I’m sure he will still want you in his life but your mom is a ah
How did this test prove your dad isn’t your dad? Did he also take a test? How would your bio dad show up as a distant cousin. This doesn’t make any sense.
I’m going to vote for saying nothing. Telling your dad will improve what? What will it make worse? Weigh them up and you’ll see many things will get worse. And you, not all these people flippantly saying “tell him”, will be the one that has to live with the fallout.
I would tell your mom that you are going to tell your dad. And she can choose to tell him first or you are going to tell him.
Your dad deserves to know the truth
Don’t get DNA tests from birthday and Christmas presents is the only thing I can think of, if you end up keeping the secret.
You should contact your bio dad , especially for family medical history.
If you have kids you need to know what runs in your family