Did you break off the affair? Did your marriage survive? How did it all play out?
Ladies, if you were caught cheating by your significant other, what happened?
r/AskWomen
Did you break off the affair? Did your marriage survive? How did it all play out?
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I was caught cheating through texts. A year and a half into our 11 years.
He was staying at my place when I was still living at home. When I went to shower, my phone lit up from the dude. He unlocked my phone and looked through my text chat with him. When he saw what was said and sent, he was absolutely furious, as he should have been. I begged him to stay and that I was sorry. He did stay the night since it was midnight and didn’t want to wake my parents up from fighting. But he woke up that morning and bounced. We didn’t speak for four days until he decided to stay with me. The following week, we had a trip planned with a friend and my brother. The four of us went and he eventually overcame it. I did feel horrible.
Obviously, it wasn’t horrible enough to me.. Over the years, our relationship really suffered. We both let it die and became too comfortable with routine. I became resentful and stopped communicating because I felt like I wasn’t heard when I would try. After 10 years and 5 months with my ex, I started to become very close with my best male friend, whom I have known since childhood. I slowly allowed our new love to blossom, while my ex and I’s love slowly died. I allowed both of those things to happen. Three months later, my best friend and I slept together and never stopped. I will never deny my shittiness and I take full responsibility for my 2 cheatings. I’m with my best friend now and we are expecting a baby. I’m happier than I ever could have been. I have a completely new lease on life thanks to my best friend. I do feel like a piece of shit for not being more upfront with my ex before I let my affections grow for someone else. My ex was a very solid and reliable person. I just didn’t feel heard and went about everything the wrong way.
With my ex, it came to a head a month after our 11th year anniversary. One day after he got home from something, he mentioned I’ve been acting weird lately. So I finally confronted him in the kitchen with the truth. I said to him “I’ve been cheating on you the past 5ish months. We need to break up. I’ve signed a new lease and I’m leaving”. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But it was so freeing to be honest with him finally. We have ended on good terms surprisingly and do message from time to time, weekly. He was less upset about the cheating and more upset that I already signed a lease for a new place.
This is my story. What I did was horrible. But I’m just being honest.
Edit: to the people asking questions, PLEASE read the story I posted carefully. Read the responses under my story. Yall are asking some of the same questions or purposely saying things that aren’t in good faith. Literally a rule of this subreddit and thread. I chose to share this story and yall don’t know in the ins and outs of everything.
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Well, it was tough. I came clean, ended things with the other person, and we went through a lot of emotional conversations. Ultimately, our relationship didn’t make it, but I learned a lot about myself in the process.
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Have you heard of Eminem’s In Too Deep?
There is two lines that sticks out for me: “Can’t tell if I’m cheating on her with you or cheating on you with her” and “Probably subconsciously part of me’s hoping we get caught ‘cause”
This was back with an ex like 2 decades ago. The relationship really wasn’t working out but we were both too chicken to just end it. We were both basically waiting for something to happen so one of us have an excuse to get out. And I gave him an out by cheating… the bad part was that the guy was also with someone else so I hurt her too…
EDIT; I guess I didn’t answer the question lol. No. I was also dumb. I didn’t end the affair. We thought my affair partner and I can continue on and have an actual relationship. But that didn’t work out either… that lasted a whole 1 month. I think we both wanted each other when we thought we really couldn’t have each other. And when all the obstacles were gone we realized we didn’t like each other that much. The sneaking out and the whole it being forbidden was what we wanted, but not each other. If that makes any sense
I cheated on two live in boyfriends with the same ex. They found out from snooping through my emails and calls. In both cases, they took me back and I ended up dumping them both shortly after. Really not proud of that time in my life and am happy to say I’d never, ever do something like that now.
He got the rent money from me then the next day he was sitting in my car after work. We broke up, except he’d put all my belongings outside and wouldn’t let me see the dog. I’ve been with the guy I cheated with for the past eight years. It was a cruel means to end the relationship but we’d both outgrown it and I’m pretty confident he’d also cheated.
So my situation is a little weird? Unique?
My ex husband and I were in an open marriage. It was a crazy toxic marriage. He wanted me to have sex with multiple, different people and none of them for longer than a few times.
This guy I met worked out perfectly with my schedule and we got along really well. My ex got mad because I kept seeing him so he said that I was cheating on him. He called it an emotional affair. It caused even more tension in our marriage than there already was.
About 2 years into he and I seeing each other, he convinced me to leave my ex husband. He and I just recently bought a house together and will be celebrating 6 years together this month.
My ex husband is still incredibly toxic and mean and he dragged the divorce out for 3 years.
Mine wasn’t a full blown affair it was a drunken hookup with an old friend, followed by some texting. I knew I had to end my relationship but I was a coward. Spent a couple weeks feeling guilty and trying to decide what to do – either just end things and move out, or come clean that I cheated. Or both. Or neither.
Turns out I didn’t have to make the decision because he went through my phone and saw some suggestive texts, nothing explicit just concerning. So when I got home from work one night, he sat me down and asked if I had anything to tell him. I immediately blurted out that I cheated. He kicked me out, I packed a small bag and spent the next few days at a friend’s place. It was clear immediately that our relationship was over (we weren’t married but had been living together for 3 years). He ended up going to stay with some friends himself for the next couple weeks, so I used that time to pack up my shit and find a new apartment. He didn’t speak to me for the entirety of that 2 weeks. We did meet up regularly after I moved out, which probably wasn’t smart.
It was awful and entirely my fault. The worst thing I’ve ever done. Made me do a ton of soul searching in terms of my self-destructive tendencies. Usually when I experienced relationship issues, there was someone else to blame. Not this time. I was a wreck, I was alone, sad, angry, I had nowhere to call home, I missed him dearly…and it was all my own doing. The relationship had to end anyway but no one deserves such betrayal.
He has shown me a lot of grace since then, once the dust settled we have kept in touch and I consider him a dear friend. He has told me the cheating/breakdown of our relationship was the kick in the ass he needed to make changes in his own life. I have so much respect for him and the years since our relationship ended have just confirmed that I didn’t deserve him. Meanwhile I was badly cheated on in my next serious relationship. As a great poet once wrote, “Karma is a queen.”
I will never, ever do it again. I get why people say “once a cheater…” but I can’t think like that.
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I was married to my kids dad- my kids were 4 and 2. He was really abusive and something happened on my son’s birthday in August that made me decide I would be leaving him after the holidays. I moved on mentally and started planning and ended up emotionally connecting with a coworker.
I had planned to tell him I was done Jan 2 but December 26 I ended up sleeping with my coworker. I still told my ex on Jan 2 that I was done, and he found out about a month later through reading my texts. At that point it was a full on affair. It was pretty brutal.
My ex is a very mean person, and very spiteful and to this day he will hold it over my head that I destroyed our family. It gave him the excuse to write off all the terrible things he’s done to me and he sees me solely as the reason we divorced. I am someone who wakes up intentionally every day and tries to do good. Anyone who knows me sees me as a thoughtful, kind, generous person. Part of why I try so hard is because I still feel like I need to atone for my sins. Guess growing up catholic has me conditioned to always feel guilty and never find forgiveness.
So much more to the story, but we did end up divorced. So much abuse has occurred and still occurs. It’s hard to forgive myself because his wrongs don’t excuse mine. I should have been better. I failed at being the person I want to be. It went on so much longer than it should have too. It’s been about 7 years and I still struggle to forgive myself. Therapy has helped some.
I’m a married female who was is with a husband who does is not physically affectionate, nor wants to have sex with me. It had been 1 year without sex and affection and I got caught messaging to a married male who used to be our friend for many years. This man and I were exchanging spicy tectonic messages and occasional photos without ever planning to meet up.
This make friend approached my husband, at his wife’s request, and told him we had been emotionally involved with sending sexy messages.
My husband confronted me about the messages and I explained I was seeking out the attention that I was missing from him at home. My husband’s only words were “Now I know other men are attracted to you.”
No divorce, no anger from my husband. He only asked that we never speak of this individual again. The other outcome was that I lost two friends because of my stupidity – the guy and his wife. Lesson learned.
I wasn’t caught until years after our relationship ended. Well… I told him what happened. I was in a low place in my life in general, living alone during quarantine. I was pouring my heart out and making amends with people I had hurt. It was hard, it also hurt that he knew and didn’t care because he saw me as a roommate anyway.
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I cheated in my freshman year of college. I had a high school boyfriend and we were doing long distance, and I met a guy on my floor and we hit it off. My bf at the time was also experiencing college for the first time and he told me he might want to end things because he felt I was his “security blanket” and essentially wanted to explore his options. That hurt, but we ended up staying together, and I was also kind of relieved he wasn’t invested in the relationship anymore because in some twisted way it made it okay to kiss my new interest, which I did.
I regretted it, and never came clean, though my new interest told a friend (who told his friend who happened to be friends with a man I met) 5 years after the incident. This man heard through a literal grapevine what happened and (thankfully) didn’t think twice about it, we’ve been together for 9 years and married for 4 years. I would never dream of hurting him by cheating on him, he is my person.
I still feel ashamed about it and especially that I never came clean. There was a time when I tried convincing myself it didn’t matter since we were fresh out of high school and it wasn’t a serious adult relationship, but the truth is I did betray someone’s trust.
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I cheated and told my ex husband the next day. We tried to work it out and I’m so glad I didn’t after a few months. It was the catalyst I needed to realize that I had no feelings for my now ex and I wanted to leave him.
I was 19-20 and at the time i felt like i wasnt heard, my feelings arent regarded. He was talking to a girl and i made it clear that i wasnt fine with it, he kept on texting her(not full on convos just story replies). Anyways after several fights, i felt like he didnt care about me or our relationship and just doing whats making him happy. so i thought i might enjoy myself as well. ( what didnt help is that his bsf was cheating on his gf of 9 years with russian and the girl my bf was texting was russian also)
It was definitely wrong i regret it so deeply but i just acted on impulse and pain. I was young and stupid with no experience in relationships.
When he found out he was really hurt, and then he started talking about how much he loved me and what he was actually feeling but didnt actually say before. I felt terrible. we wanted to stay together. We talked about how hard it gonna be and we’re gonna go thru a tough time to come back from where we were and we did try but it didnt really work. We went on and off for around a year after that. It was hell but we’ve been back together for almost a year now and things seem okay. I love him so much and i hate how i hurt him.
This happened in my early 20s. I had an ex that ghosted me after 6 months of dating. I knew there was a guy in school who had a crush on me, and I did find him attractive. So I rebounded with him. I knew early on that we weren’t a good match personality wise.
I cheated on rebound guy within 8 months of being with him because my ex came back around. Rebound didn’t catch me but he knew something was up. I did come clean and he rightfully was angry. Ex ended up not wanting a relationship, so I decided to stay with rebound guy since he forgave me.
We became long distance a few months after. I delayed the breakup because I thought it would’ve been cruel to break up with him after he JUST moved. But I’d been cruel to him all along. I worked up the courage to break up with him eventually.
I still have regrets of how things went. I won’t say he was a good boyfriend for various reasons, but he never deserved any of my mess. I’m sure it took him a long time to recover from it all. I wish I could give him a proper apology. It seems that he’s moved onto a healthier relationship, and I do hope he’s happy now.
My marriage survived my affair but I will never really forgive myself, even if he has forgiven me and loves me to this day. My affair was ending even before he found out I had been unfaithful
I cheated on my ex like 3 years into our relationship, he found out from some mutual friends, we broke up for awhile, got back together, got married. About 3 years after that I was unhappy and cheated on him again and told him I wanted a divorce. He didn’t want to get divorced and dragged it out for nearly a year, but it finally happened. This was all maybe 6 years ago now. I’m so happy he’s out of my life. I regret hurting him in the process, but he was an awful boyfriend and husband. I’m remarried & couldn’t imagine ever cheating again. I know now how awful it is for everyone involved. It’s easier to just leave or be divorced. Too much pain and hurt otherwise.
And although I regret hurting him, I don’t regret doing it because it led me to where I am today and I’m finally happy and free of him.
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Mine wasn’t an affair but a drunken hookup (that turned into a short relationship).
My ex and I had been together three years. I had recently moved to a city halfway across the country and not invited him to move with me, as I kind of looked at the move as a way out, but didn’t know how to tell him. I was 26, he was 40….
About a month after I moved, I went out with some new friends and as we were going out I was complaining about my partner and how I didn’t see a future with him. New guy took it as an invite and while we were out we made out. I have no recollection of what happened next but I woke up the next morning with this guy in my bed. He kept trying to hookup again and I told him I had a call I had to make and I needed him to leave.
I immediately called my partner and told him what I could (what I remembered). He told me he never wanted to talk to me again, which I understood. Four days later he called and asked if we could make it work. I told him no, that I had been looking for an out and that I wasn’t in love with him anymore. We had some back and forth for about a month after that, with him trying to understand and also get back together and I haven’t spoken to him since.
I will never make excuses for what happened. Yes I was drunk and don’t remember most of it, but I still participated and part of me knew that moving to a new city would lead to something like this, a breakup at the very least. It is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life and I wish I could have been more mature and just broken up with him when I left to move.
Id been having an affair, he suspected something was up and was frequently checking my phone apparently. One day AP was meant to come up to see me but had to cancel so I stayed at home but ex found the messages.
He kicked off, expectedly. Threw some stuff at me, found the guy on social media and messaged his girlfriend. She started messaging me and blamed me for everything, stayed with her bf and forgave him almost immediately.
My ex spent months begging me to give things with him another try and that he could forgive me, but I was done. I had mentally checked out 6 months prior and had spent the last 6 months trying to break up, every time I was met with threats to his life. I felt stuck in a 9 year engagement that he didn’t want to progress and fell into the affair that showed me a completely different side of a relationship. My ex was very controling, would kick off at my clothes or make up, would scream at me for eating or breathing to loudly and had thrown things at me years before for annoying him cause I was taking too long to get ready on holiday. We did not have a healthy relationship but it didn’t justify my actions.
After he begged for me back for 6 months post affair I ended up meeting a different man and fell in love pretty quickly. I didn’t think I was ready so pushed back a lot due to my fear of hurting myself or someone I loved but my current partner is amazing. He’s shown me what a healthy and supportive relationship looks like and knew about everything that happened with my ex. I’m so much happier and no longer feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my life.
Passed out drunk & my daughter got my phone & I had notifications on it & my husband saw them when he got my phone from my daughter.
I cheated on my boyfriend when I was 18-19. We were dating in high school and I moved in with him and his friends in another city. I felt trapped and I caught feelings for someone who I had been involved with in the past. I really liked him and we talked all the time and I would travel frequently so we could be together. I never told my boyfriend but eventually moved out. I think he figured it out because I hear things from mutual acquaintances. The stories I hear are really blown out of proportion and I wish I just came clean but I felt really trapped living so far away and with all his friends. Also being that young and living with so many people was hard for me, personally. I still feel so awful and guilty even 10 years later. I debate contacting him and coming clean, but he’s engaged now and seems happy, so I don’t want to disrupt his peace. If I could go back I would do it all differently, he didn’t deserve it, I wasn’t able to be honest and I fully blame myself.
A year after we broke up, he was murdered and I have never recovered. Maybe I’m delusional but I think we could have worked it out. I miss him so much and I have a lot of regret about not acting on my feelings for him as well, because they were always there.
I “cheated” back, basically flirted with a guy through texts with no intention of meeting or hooking up. The last few months of our relationship hed cheated during our pregnancy, wasnt spending time with me, and behaving very passive aggressive. I was putting in effort, he wasnt. I finally gave up, anger took over, and that was that.
Seeing the texts sent my ex spiraling. It made me feel better given the way he treated me. Still does, actually.
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I had more of an emotional affair, not reciprocated by the other person so I guess it depends on your definition. I was with my partner for years, we hit a low point and though I still loved them I felt like our relationship was tired and unloving, I’d start to get excited and talk about how cool my coworker was, how I liked their art, how they told me inspirational things that just made me feel giddy and excited to be alive, I looked forward to talking to them more than my partner, after work I’d accidentally gush about the way they talked and the things they did, my partner just outright angrily asked why I kept talking about this person. I was so awestruck by the excitement I didn’t realize how that must’ve felt listening, but I can see if roles were reversed how irritated my partner must’ve been to constantly hear me go on and on about another man. The coworker in question didn’t like me, but I realized I was in love with them because they were so unique, so exciting, and they gave me a perky feeling I wasn’t getting from being in a mutually dying dynamic. Eventually that partner and I broke it off but I didn’t end up with the person I admired, it was more just seeing somebody so fresh and lively from a distance than I became obsessed and wanted more. Even though I didn’t end up with either one of them I’m kind of thankful that I got out of the mundane mutual melancholy because I don’t think either of us was happy, we were only together because it felt familiar but when I felt a spark of life and excitement I realized I’d been stuck.
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Her first dog?!!!!
I lived with my bf at the time and he was constantly messy and delayed houseworks (cleaning dishes, clean the cat sand…), I was so fed up and asked for a break up but he kept begging me for another chance and I loved him too much to leave. But gradually I started hang out with another guy that had been liked me for abt 2 years, he had the traits that my bf doesn’t (clean, responsible, hard working, caring…) like I was searching for the things that was missing from the curren relationship. Then gradually they found out, I explained my side that I was trying to get out of the relationship that I wasn’t fully happy but still hold so much emotion, and the new relationship that I see potential but don’t fully attracted. I decided I should stop seeing both of them but they didn’t want to. They agree to let me keep both relationships until I can decided to end up with one of them. Lots of things happened but I did ended up married one of them (the first bf), he tried to be better, clean and got a good job to take care of me. Since he worked on things that make me unhappy abt him , and I show him I’m loyal to him, everything is just fine and we’re happy.
Juicyyyyy
My phone had evidence of messages. An emotional affair but still agonizing for my partner. We worked it out. My SO kindly believes we are not the worst thing we have ever done.
Not caught, confessed, the weight of it was killing me. We tried for a year. Did counseling. The biggest problem was he wanted every detail, it was a very short affair. When he asked I gave him details but combined the two events into one because honestly I was terrified. He punched a hole in the wall when I told him and he was spit screaming in my face so I told the details but kept it as one event. The whole year he was verbally abusive and sometimes physically especially during sex. He found out it was two events because he hacked into my email and saw an email to a friend I was confiding in. When he told me he found it I was honestly relieved. He wanted a divorce, I was relieved again. I was in love with the other person but couldn’t be with them it hurt too much and I loved my husband but seeing how he turned afterwards made me see him differently. I would never be safe with him again. When he moved out my oldest daughter told me she was happy. And she confided in ways he had been treating her for years that I didn’t know about or see. (I think she thought I would take his side if she told me and that just killed me) I’m in a better place. He hates me, our kids don’t have a great relationship with him because he immediately started to be controlling with them and they were not used to that from him and they’ve distanced themselves a bit. He blames me. He can’t see it’s his behavior. I do get sad for my girls. I want them to have their dad in their life, but if the affair didn’t kill us, the pandemic would have, he and I had very different views and that would have been the breaking point with or without my infidelity. I will never be happy with what I did, but I look back and realize it actually made my life better in the end. I just hate that I hurt him to do it.
My fiance, Jake, was in the military. I had just moved 1300 miles to be with him. When we got into town he learned he’d have to do field training for a month. I was going to be alone in our apartment. Jake felt bad and asked his best friend and fellow soldier Matt to look out for me. Jake treated me badly, and Matt knew it. Matt felt bad for me. It didn’t take long for Matt and I to fall for each other and have sex. We were very compatible and he showed me kindness and acceptance my fiance never did.
Jake returns and can tell something is off. He found a letter I’d started wrting my best friend in a notebook. The letter discussed the affair and my feelings for Matt. When I got home, Jake was furious. He broke dishes, threw things, and yelled at me. He told the military that Matt made a move on his fiance and Matt’s commander told him to stay away or risk his career.
I moved into another place the following week. I never spoke to Matt again. Jake tried to win me back and we talked and dated off and on for three more years after that. I went on to marry and divorce the guy who helped me move my stuff out of Jake and my apartment. And no, I never cheated during my 20 year marriage despite being once a cheater.
I was caught “cheating” through him looking through my phone. He was emotionally abusive, manipulative, a liar, and made me so miserable for years. I couldn’t bring myself to leave because every time i was out the door he would promise change. Eventually i checked out and started conversing with other men via text. Never met up with anyone or physically cheated.
One night after a huge fight i fell to my knees and begged God to let me out of the relationship – 3 days later he went through my phone for the first time ever.
Although i felt shame and guilt for so long, now i don’t regret it. It got me out.