Women with stepfathers, how old were you when your mother married him and what was/is your relationship like now?
Women with stepfathers, how old were you when your mother married him and what was/is your relationship like now?
r/AskWomen
Women with stepfathers, how old were you when your mother married him and what was/is your relationship like now?
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I was 9 or 10 when my dad started dating my stepdad and to this day we’re close as hell. Man is devoted to my sister and me, and we’re family.
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My sister’s tolerate him. I am more blunt. Honestly I think he is a little scared of me. I’ve never been aggressive or anything just been blunt with my mother that I don’t like him.
I also will call it if either of them lies and tell them off when they make negative comments about or to my siblings.
Last time was at a family gathering when someone asked how they ended up together and asked how long after my parents divorced they started dating, they said they waited a year, I commented that I think they may have their dates wrong because they were dating for years before that.
He would also really like to tell stories about how “stupid” my sister was. She joined the police instead of going to uni and he would constantly say shit. I would just say things like “it’s sad as a grown man you have to tear down a young woman to make yourself feel better about your own life”
So yeah we’ve spoken once in the last 10 years, when my mum had an accident and was in hospital. I thanked him for letting me know and reaching out and that was pretty much it.
On the flip side my dad remarried when I was 16 and I have an amazing relationship with my step mum.
I was 5 or so when they first met (they got married about 9 years later). I had a pretty awful dad, he abused my mom and was a terrible alcoholic. so to me, my stepdad was the coolest guy around because he was so kind and funny. he still is. I love him so much. he has never made me question his love for us, or my mom. he was totally accepting of us but never forced a relationship on us. he’s just a 10/10 guy all around, and his kids are my siblings and some of my bestest friends. I’m very thankful for the crossing of paths between our families.
I was 11 when they got married I think. Our relationship was okay ? It was like having a roommate that would give me rides to school and occasionally chastise me.
Now, we don’t have a relationship. No bad blood per se, but I haven’t talked to him in years as him and my mom moved away, she moved back but they’re no longer together but still legally married.
When I was 10, my parents got divorced.
When I was 11, my mom introduced her personal trainer as her new boyfriend.
When I was 13, I realized my mom and her personal trainer were having an affair prior to my parents getting divorced and I was very angry about it.
When I was 18, I realized my parents were in a loveless marriage by the time my mom had an affair with her personal trainer and I was a little less angry about it. However, when I tried to have an honest conversation with my mom about it, she gaslit me and told me she never had an affair.
I’m 28 now, and my mom still pretends that she never had an affair. Every now and again she will be telling a story and slip up by revealing the true timeline of their relationship… then awkwardly correct herself.
My relationship with both my mom and her boyfriend is poor/distant. Not just because of the affair (and their lack of honesty about the affair) but because of the quality of their relationship. They’re two grown adults who have been in an on again/off again relationship for almost 20 years. They break up and make up constantly and none of us know when they’re together or not. Sometimes he will show up to a family holiday dinner (with my dad there) and other times he won’t… and my mom will lie about why he’s not there because she doesn’t want to admit they “broke up” for the millionth time.
I know other people whose parents remarried when they 11 too, and they refer to those partners as “stepparents.” I just don’t see my mom’s partner that way.
3 when they got married, 16 when they got divorced. There was a huge drop in his communication with me after that. We talk maybe once a year if that, and nothing beyond surface level.
I was 3 when they got together, but they didn’t marry until I was about 11. He and I did not get along well when I was very young. He has a scar on his upper arm in a perfect bite mark from 4-year-old me, and I tried to play “Aladdin” more than once with a butcher knife when he was in the kitchen.
On the flip side, there were moments where we bonded. My mom recalls getting a call at work once where I was just screaming on the other end “he’s gonna kill me!” with the sound of me running around the yard. She raced home and he and I had made up already and were on the porch drinking root beers.
In my 30s now and I can’t imagine my life without him. I love him so much, and I honestly take after him in a lot of ways. Our humor is so similar and there is no one that would prefer to just sit next to and enjoy a summer day and chat about stuff.
I seriously lucked out with step-parents on either side that I totally love.
17 and I fucking hate him
Young adult. He had his issues but he’s done the work and improved as a person so much. We’re super close now and have been for a while. I kind of feel like he’s the only family member I’m really close to actually even though they divorced shortly before my mom died because he actually knows me so well. I’m not really close to most of my biological relatives so I’m very happy to have him.
Adding a positive story. We left my birth father when I was very young. My mom and my dad got married after 6 months right before I turned 3. He was the best thing that ever happened to us. He loved my mom with such a pure sweet adoration. She had been through a lot with my birth father and he just did little things all the time to show her he cared. They doted on each other non stop and were so playful.
He loved me immensely and unfortunately passed away from cancer when I was 21. In the 18 years I had him though he showed me a lifetime of love. I miss him and benchmark my relationship on the way they loved and served each other in all the little things!
I was 12 when they married after less than 6 months of dating. he fundamentally changed her as a person (in a bad way) and punched me in the face when I was 16. my mom no longer speaks to me and I don’t know why, she won’t tell me why but I suspect it’s because of him. it’s all deeply painful, needless to say
Was about 10 when they met, I’m 33 now. It’s good, I don’t see as my dad but great guy, I consider him family. Is a granddad to my children, has helped me lots when had tough times. Included me with my half sister so all one family
My mom introduced him to us when i was a pre-teen 23 years ago. She never married him, and they broke up when I was in college, but he adopted me this year, and I’m so happy to call him dad.
My first thought was “which one?”, if that gives you any indication lol
12, he’s a pedophile/ephebophile and used to watch me sleep, addicted to pornography (I have nothing against porn but my mom does and so she makes him go to AA for porn addicts), he was her affair partner, a pastor, and they’re getting divorced soon.
My mom had my youngest brother with my stepdad when I was 5. Then when I was 16 they split up. My bio dad was always in and out of the picture and I have four other half sisters on his side. My step dad and I are still close and he has and always will be dad. My boyfriend recently asked him for my hand in marriage, my kids will know him as grandma, etc.
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In my 20s and our only regret is that I didn’t have the privilege to be raised by him, but regardless – I have an amazing stepfather that I am very close to as an adult and that’s still absolutely fantastic.
I was about 4. I was still a very hurt little girl from my bio dad leaving. We developed a good relationship until I came out about 7 years ago. He didn’t talk to me after that. He passed away last September after being sick for almost a year. I didn’t even know he was sick. He never tried to talk to me, say he loved me, nothing. I’m just left with a broken relationship, grief and overwhelming feelings of abandonment and anger. I hate him for leaving things like he did, I love him for how strong of a women he raised me to be, and I miss him.
I was about 13/14.
He started being a part of our lives when I was about 7. And I think we got lucky. He’s been great.
He’s a great second dad 😆 😀
I was 14 when my mom married that mean alcoholic abuser. Haven’t seen him in 40 years since my mom died
6, I haven’t seen him in years and I’m perfectly fine with that.
Now I don’t LIKE him as a person, because we don’t have much in common and he’s a racist/MAGA guy, but I do love him. He’s family. He’s good to me. He always tells my mother when she’s being unfair/irrational when we get into it, because she and I have always had a difficult relationship. He’s really good to my baby sister, his biological daughter. I wish his worldviews and politics didn’t suck, but ya know, what are you gonna do? That’s just family sometimes.
They started having an affair when I was 6/7, they got officially together when I was 11, my brothers were born when I was 13 and 16. They officially married a few months before my youngest brother was born. Then he died just before I turned 18.
I was around 4/5 when my mum started a relationship with him. He was 22 and took on my brother and I (who was younger than me). I’m always reminded how ‘good’ he was to do this. Our relationship is a strange one, some really good aspects, especially now I’m in my 30s and we both enjoy gardening, but also some really negative moments that were pivotal and unforgettable.
Hahahahahahaha 11. 29 is when shit hit the fan. He was always described as a “sarcastic asshole”….well that caught up as he got older and more crochetedy. Parents are now divorced. He doesn’t speak to myself, mother or his children from his previous marriage.
I waa 10 when my mom asked how I felt about her marrying the man she’d been dating. I was all for it. He was better to my mom & I both than my dad ever thought about. They even took me along & asked me to sign as a witness. Unfortunately they have both passed on. But they were good times.
My mom was at work one day, he was retired. He drove one of the old school cars, a big boat. He asked me if I wanted to learn to drive. We lived in country so no biggie. A sheriff stopped us & scolded my step dad & me too. I was 10-11. No tickets were given, but my mom worked at the only bank in town so she knew about it before she got home. Boy we were both in trouble when she did get home. Lol
14? Then he sadly passed away when I was 18. My mom remarried when I was… 20-21? He passed away when I was…30?
My relationship to the first one was very good, he was a very nice guy. Pretty sure my mom would still be with him if he was still alive.
My relationship to the second one was more distant because I was busy with college and didn’t really live with him. He was nice, though he had a little bit of anger issues (not like abusive, he would just get bad moods sometimes). He was nice for the most part, but he was a chef and I think the bad moods came with the profession lol.
I was 2. They never married but have been together for 22 years now. He is essentially my real dad in everything but blood. I dont know what id do without him in my life
Met him when I was 13. My mom introduced him as her “good friend” while my parents were separated and in the process of divorcing…. So it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out they were together. My mom moved in with him about a year later, and we went back and forth between his (now my mom’s) house and my dad’s. Then my mom and him moved back to the town we were originally in, so we could be a family. My mom got pregnant when I was 15 and had my little brother at 16. They got engaged and then married when I was 17.
I’m 25 now. He and I have fought A LOT and said some horrible things to each other. We don’t talk unless I’m at my mom’s house visiting. But I can still ask him about his take on football and for life advice. So he’s an alright guy I guess lol
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I despise him, and it makes me despise her too.
TW: sexual abuse
I think I was 5 when she married the first one. He was honestly a good step dad, aside from what he did. He was fair, made all of us kids (6 of us, 2 were his) get along when we were fighting, he helped with homework, instilled good morals and discipline in the household, didn’t allow name calling etc. But, he still molested me and my sister. Then, he later cheated on my mom after he got deployed. Years later, my sister told her therapist about what happened. Detectives questioned us, but didn’t press charges. A few more years later, we get called to testify in a rape case. He went on to rape his step daughter. This was back in 2015, he is still in jail.
My other step dad was a awful. They married when I was 12. Acted like a good man and step dad, then they got married and he changed. He didn’t want any contact with us. He stayed in his room and watched tv after he got home, then we’d all go to bed. He’d make my mom do all of the cooking and cleaning, despite her working 12 hour night shifts. He was an engineer so he made good money, but worked normal hours. They worked at a factory. He did all of the discipline, he would ground us kids for months at a time. Not days or weeks, months. After I was an adult and moved out, I guess he got mad at my mom one day and punched something, so she left. This was 2014 I think. Haven’t talked to him since.
I was 14 when my mother married him. Never had any issues, he’s a superb man. To be quite honest I get along with him more than my mother. Great grandpa to my daughter as well. She adores him.