if someone is kind loyal emotionally supportive and checks all the boxes but scores noticeably low on something like the IQ test would that change how attractive or compatible they seem to you long term
would knowing their cognitive score affect how seriously you take the relationship or would emotional intelligence values and communication be enough on their own
how much does intelligence matter in dating for you personally if everything else feels right
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IQ tests are very, very unreliable. Intelligence matters a lot to me, I don’t wanna be with someone dumb, but I have absolutely no idea what my husband’s IQ is (and I don’t think he knows either).
I think it’s bollocks. Some people are dumb as hell with a high IQ. I don’t know anyone who actually knows their IQ.
IQ test? Absolutely unimportant.
Educated, intelligent, responsible, and uses common sense? That is very very important.
Dumb and cruel both breed true.
The IQ exam has deep roots in eugenics and racism, and there’s no real proof it’s correlated to a persons intelligence
Personally caring so much about IQ would be a giant red flag to me. It’s eugenicist. Like what, does this person who’s stuck on IQ scores approve of Nazis sending people who scored below a certain threshold to the camps and gas chambers?
Personally yeah, I knew my husband was it when I saw his books, and I saw that he read a lot and we had compatible tastes in fiction. So maybe you could say that I chose someone who reads a lot and who likes learning. But if he’d started talking about IQ tests like this I would have immediately ran. And that was in the days before social media extremism. Now I would not only run but warn other people about the radicalized social media troll.
IQ is an outdated, awfully incorrect way to perceive someone’s intelligence. I wouldn’t rely on that as an indicator of how smart they are about things.
Just talk to them and see if conversations flow, if you share the views you want to share, if you think they’re intellectually interesting for you. Everyone is different.
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IQ tests are unreliable, I care more about how they make me feel and if we can connect. There are different types of intelligence. Just because someone isn’t good at math or doesn’t read well doesn’t mean they’re not smart. For example, neither of my grandmothers went to college but they are both brilliant, interesting women. Curiosity matters more than cognitive IQ to me.
Also I have met several people with high IQs and disliked their personalities a lot😂
I do not care about IQ scores, it’s an outdated measurement and incredibly flawed. I do care about intelligence, but anyone bragging about an IQ score is almost invariably a pompous douchebag with nothing else going for them.
Intelligence matters a great deal to me. IQ scores do not. I would probably be somewhat dismayed if I found out my partner was taking online IQ tests seriously.
While I know my iq score from official testing, it’s not something I think about day to day. What’s more important is how someone uses the intelligence they have. Are they intellectually curious, able to change their views when presented with new information, and constantly seeking knowledge? That’s who I’m interested in.
So long as you don’t have trouble holding a conversation and are not easily tricked into conspiracy theories, then your IQ doesn’t matter
I don’t need an IQ test to tell me if someone’s dumb or not. I know that from talking to them
I have no idea what my husband’s IQ is. It never occurred to me to ask. He can hold an engaging conversation about things that interest me, and that’s what matters.
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If they are an adult and have a decent job, I don’t know what the IQ test could tell you beyond what their life could tell you.
IQ tests are for helicopter parents trying to get their kids into a gifted and talented program.
For just hook-ups and sex, intelligence isn’t important if you have a good body and are good at sex. For a more long-term relationship, intelligence is important. An unintelligent partner, even if kind and gentle, is a limiting one. But note that a low IQ score actually doesn’t mean an unintelligent person necessarily. So, a lower than average IQ score should not be a determinative. It’s how intelligent a person is, and an IQ score is a pretty unimportant constituent.
my list in order of importance:
smart,
sense of humor,
i find him sexy & like his smell,
wants children,
likes/respects his mother…
married 40yrs this august
he had to be at least as intelligent as i was, i like having conversations…and a willingness to learn…we took an online iq test years after we were married…he’s got 10pts on me…that’s fine, i have more common sense/instinctual intelligence. 🙂
I don’t focus on a number, but I do care if they’re smart. My husband is WICKED smart. Like so intelligent that it scares me a little bit. He’s very emotionally intelligent, street smart, computer smart, and incredibly savvy in general problem solving.
If the persons IQ is low enough for it to have been needed tested for that reason, it’s going to be very difficult to make it work because I need someone who can level with me. But I will figure it out before getting to the IQ test discussion.
I do want (and have) an intelligent partner. I want to have deep meaningful conversations that stimulate my brain. I want someone who I can nerd out to and he can follow and contribute to the conversation or ask interesting questions.
If my husband took an IQ test and scored low it wouldn’t mean anything. Not when we first met and not now. Those tests are made up bullshit and they measure nothing other than your ability to perform well on that specific test.
I know he’s a good fit for me because of my relationship with him. I certainly wouldn’t rely on an IQ test or anything similar to make that decision for me.
Iq tests are outdated and literally don’t prove a persons intelligence at all.
To me it’s important that my romantic partner is able to understand punctuation and the use of capital letters.
Doesn’t matter much to me. I can connect just fine as friends and romantically with people that aren’t objectively intelligent. I might not be able to have a conversation with them about certain niche topics but they can still be insightful in a lot of ways. It’s the dumb ones who believe that they’re smart that tend to come with undesirable personality traits.
Edit: Just realized I’m on AskWomen. I’ll leave it up anyway.
I haven’t seen anyone talk how the partner’s feelings about their IQ can impact the relationship. Insecurity about one’s intelligence can lead to maltreatment, such as manipulation and secretive behaviors. The insecure partner may feel motivated to pull one over on their partner with hopes of feeling superior. In this sense, it could be beneficial to observe a partner’s (with low score) self-image and projections.
Psych here that works closely with folks that develop a major IQ test. Unless they’re getting a cognitive assessment like a Weschler or a Woodcock Johnson conducted by a licensed psychologist you don’t actually know their IQ score.
IQ is simply a composite score that looks at cognitive areas like comprehension ability, working memory, fluid and spatial reasoning, and processing speed. These indexes map on to one theory of what we consider “intelligence” but don’t take into consideration things like emotional intelligence, artistic intelligence, etc. When you get a real cognitive test you’ll get a map of scores- with most scores falling in the average range for most people when looking at score distributions. Additionally we don’t really look at these scores as so much intelligence but cognitive processing ability these days, mostly to diagnose dysfunction or giftedness in the brain (traumatic brain injuries, dementia, etc).
Anyway, don’t base your compatibility based on a score…you determine this by simply getting to know someone.
IQ scores don’t mean shit to me. Non-factor.
people forget: einstein had a messy divorce too.
Intelligence is important to me. But it’s easy to determine someone’s level of intelligence by just talking to them. A number doesn’t mean anything to me.
IQ is an unreliable measure.
But I’ve dated a dummy- never again.
That said, intelligence alone doesn’t do it- it’s also a values thing:
i think a lot of folks equate low iq with incompetence or childishness which is unfair. you can be kind, attentive, and an amazing partner without being a logic whiz. but i’ve also dated someone where the mismatch made me feel like i was always having to slow down or explain stuff. it made me feel lonely. not because they were dumb, but because our brains just didn’t vibe. i’d say it matters if it starts impacting how you connect. if it doesn’t, who cares? love isn’t a math test. but if it starts to feel like you’re the only one thinking critically, that’s where the frustration creeps in.
nah man. i don’t need a partner who can recite shakespeare or do algebra in their head. i need someone who gets it when i say “i’m not okay” without me having to spell it out. i’ve dated “smart” people who were emotionally dumb as hell. didn’t know how to comfort, didn’t listen, thought every problem was something to be solved. nah. give me the sweet himbo who holds my hand in the chaos. brains don’t matter if you don’t know how to love.
I couldn’t give less of a shit about an imaginary number on a test. But if I can’t talk to them at an equal level (regardless of which of us is significantly smarter), we’re going to have problems.
I wouldn’t base my choice on IQ test because I don’t even know my own score so how would I compare anyway and I’m not sure I have the same definition of intelligence. I consider “intelligence” to be the ability to analyze concepts, to make strong connections without failing into sophistry, to know how to distinguish facts from perceptions and individual experiences and to recognize the level of credibility of one’s sources. The men I dated who used a lot of sophistry were ultimately men who had a lot of difficulty tolerating uncertainty in life. There were also confusing their experiences and personnal values over facts. Those were my experiences and not scientific facts, of course. But still, I did connect more with man who were mastering the basics of scientific reasoning and knew how to doubt and live well with the unknown, especially when they were able to do emotional introspection. One of my friend boyfriend has a really hard way to understand basic board and card games (like Skip bo) and I would have hard time to romantially connect with someone whom I have to be more patient to explain rules of a game than to my 8 yr old child…
I need to be with someone who has a high IQ.
There are different types of intelligence. Emotional intelligence is important, and being curious and open-minded about the world. I don’t get frustrated with people simply not knowing things, I get frustrated with people who don’t even care enough to try and learn.
Anyone who knows me would tell you I’m very clever and book smart but I have zero common sense, to a laughable degree. So I don’t expect anyone else to be perfect either lol
gotta be real here. my gf’s not “book smart” and yeah sometimes i wish we could talk philosophy or whatever. but she’s the only person who knows how to calm me during a panic attack. priorities change.
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low iq doesn’t mean low wisdom. my grandfather was never tested but had more insight than any therapist i’ve met.