I’m just screaming into the void bc I have no one else I care to scream to. We were together for 10 years. I left him a year ago bc he had become a terrible partner. For years I tried to get things to improve but he only got worse. After i left he started to work on himself, i slowly started to see the man I first fell in love with again, and in the last few months we had started to find each other again. Just a month ago he was saying things like “you better not date anyone else I’m this close to getting you back”. Then he suddenly turned to ice, not responding, and I knew. I finally asked him today can you tell me what’s the deal bc I need to know and he said “I’ve been trying to decide how to tell you but I’ve moved on, I’m no longer interested in a future with you.” And it hurts. There’s not even a good guy/bad guy in this situation these things just happen. But I’m very sad. I’m not even sure exactly why, I hadn’t completely decided if I wanted to be together again with him anyway. And I want him to be happy. I guess it’s the fact that now it doesn’t matter what I want, he made the choice to let go for good, that getting back what he had was not in fact what he wanted. This limbo we’ve been in is over. Ok I wrote it out hopefully I feel better soon.
Comments
You’re not crazy for feeling torn or sad. Sometimes there’s no villain, just two people who couldn’t find their rhythm at the same time. Closure sucks, but at least you ain’t stuck in that limbo anymore. You’ll come out stronger, even if it don’t feel like it right now.
Keep your head up.
>he had become a terrible partner
>i slowly started to see the man I first fell in love with again
>This limbo we’ve been in is over.
Something doesn’t really add up I think. Terrible partners get dumped and don’t stay in your life, because, well the things they did are terrible and you don’t want that anymore in your life.
What probably happend is that the relationship turned sideways and if that’s the case, well, that’s a problem of both of you, not one partner. He might have felt the same about you, but at the same time, maybe he was unaware or unable to communicate it properly.
In that regard, he might have felt unfairly treated by you ending the relationship, maybe because he felt that you were putting the blame on him (not sure if you did by the way, but he might have perceived it that way). Did both of you discuss the relationship ending and were you on speaking terms about that?
Anyhow, it’s his right to see other people, and how it works is that indeed, suddenly he can meet someone new, get into a relationship with her, and the result of that is he cuts off other options. The way he said it though (I’m not longer interested in you) sounds like he was still feeling resentment about the previous relationship or about how it ended. It’s like an open invoice that had to be paid.
They say it’s on average about 3 months to overcome a breakup. I think you are focusing on the right things: yourself. You deserve someone that chooses you always, that cares about you always. And first and foremost it is important to look into your own feelings, if he wasn’t making you feel valued then it was not the right place. Hugs.
I’m sorry but the chances that he has actually “moved on” from someone in a month, especially after saying something so different a month ago..is slim to none. A few things could be happening here, but my guess is that he is angry and detaching. Dealing with his issues in a unhealthy way, like men typically do. They are notorious for the silent treatment and saying things in a short amount of time after conflicts/breakup, that just don’t make sense. If I were you, I’d hold my head up high, ignore him and tell yourself you’re not playing that crap. He most likely wants a reaction out of you, don’t give him the satisfaction.
Theres somw stuff i wanna say but ima just keep quiet lol.
Write a list of ALL the things that he did/said when he was not a good partner, when he was lazy or when he wasn’t being the best version of himself. When you are having moments of questioning how he could have moved on so quickly (side note: let me be clear here btw… the grass is NOT greener on the other side & in time he will realise this, so be prepared when he wants to ‘catch up’!) read your list. Put it on the fridge so you see it everyday… you’ll soon see that in the end he wasn’t actually the man you feel in love with.
I’m pretty sure this is for the best. It’s sounds pessimistic, but people rarely change in a fundamental way. They can definitely improve small parts but their core stays the same.
Going back to a person who has already seen him with all his flaws is way harder on the ego than going to someone new. A new person gives him a clean slate and an opportunity to show her he’s actually a great guy. He might seem like a great boyfriend to this new person, but remember he probably was like that with you at first as well. Until he wasn’t.