My partner and I (both full-time professionals) agreed to dog-sit our friend’s 11-year-old dog for 10 days while they were on holiday. We were told the dog was well-behaved, toilet-trained, and had been left alone before without issues. We had met him a few times and he seemed like a sweet, calm dog.
Before agreeing, we made sure to ask about his ability to be left alone during the day (for up to 8 hours) and whether he’d be okay sleeping on his own at night. Our friend reassured us that he would be fine, so we agreed and even installed a rental-safe pet door for him to use the backyard while we were at work.
We were aware that caring for a pet comes with challenges, and we’ve looked after dogs before, so we thought we were prepared. The dog never toileted inside and was always sweet when around people.
However, once the dog arrived, things turned out to be more difficult than expected. It became clear he had severe separation anxiety. He barked and howled whenever left alone, and our Ring camera showed him pacing and scratching furiously at our white door whenever he heard any sound—almost every hour. The scratches are noticeable and permanent.
He also couldn’t settle at night, even with my partner sleeping on the couch next to him. He continued pacing and whining, and none of us were able to sleep well. It was heartbreaking to see him so distressed, and it was exhausting for us.
After a few days of this, we reached our breaking point and asked our friend if they could find someone else to take over. To their credit, they did manage to find another sitter, so we only had him for 5 days instead of the full 10.
Before the dog left, we mentioned the damage to the door, hoping for a solution or assistance. Our friend apologized but only suggested we “sand and paint it over.”
Since then, the dog has gone, and our friend has returned from their trip. We haven’t heard anything further from them.
To be fair, I don’t believe our friend intentionally misled us. Their dog is used to being around family members all the time and is rarely left alone. They probably don’t have cameras at home to see how he behaves when left alone, so they may not have known how severe his separation anxiety was. It’s also likely that being in an unfamiliar environment made the situation worse for him.
I’m torn because I don’t want to seem petty or ruin the friendship, but at the same time, we weren’t given the full picture, and we’re now left with damage to our home that could have been avoided with more transparency.
So, AITA for thinking it might be fair to ask for some kind of compensation?
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My partner and I (both full-time professionals) agreed to dog-sit our friend’s 11-year-old dog for 10 days while they were on holiday. We were told the dog was well-behaved, toilet-trained, and had been left alone before without issues. We had met him a few times and he seemed like a sweet, calm dog.
Before agreeing, we made sure to ask about his ability to be left alone during the day (for up to 8 hours) and whether he’d be okay sleeping on his own at night. Our friend reassured us that he would be fine, so we agreed and even installed a rental-safe pet door for him to use the backyard while we were at work.
We were aware that caring for a pet comes with challenges, and we’ve looked after dogs before, so we thought we were prepared. The dog never toileted inside and was always sweet when around people.
However, once the dog arrived, things turned out to be more difficult than expected. It became clear he had severe separation anxiety. He barked and howled whenever left alone, and our Ring camera showed him pacing and scratching furiously at our white door whenever he heard any sound—almost every hour. The scratches are noticeable and permanent.
He also couldn’t settle at night, even with my partner sleeping on the couch next to him. He continued pacing and whining, and none of us were able to sleep well. It was heartbreaking to see him so distressed, and it was exhausting for us.
After a few days of this, we reached our breaking point and asked our friend if they could find someone else to take over. To their credit, they did manage to find another sitter, so we only had him for 5 days instead of the full 10.
Before the dog left, we mentioned the damage to the door, hoping for a solution or assistance. Our friend apologized but only suggested we “sand and paint it over.”
Since then, the dog has gone, and our friend has returned from their trip. We haven’t heard anything further from them.
To be fair, I don’t believe our friend intentionally misled us. Their dog is used to being around family members all the time and is rarely left alone. They probably don’t have cameras at home to see how he behaves when left alone, so they may not have known how severe his separation anxiety was. It’s also likely that being in an unfamiliar environment made the situation worse for him.
I’m torn because I don’t want to seem petty or ruin the friendship, but at the same time, we weren’t given the full picture, and we’re now left with damage to our home that could have been avoided with more transparency.
So, AITA for thinking it might be fair to ask for some kind of compensation?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Personally, I think your friend is TA for not offering more help. If they don’t want to pay, they can always offer to help. However, if they did offer a stipend for taking care of the dog, then YTA for expecting more. If they didn’t, and dogwatching was completely free, they’d be TA.
NTA, they told you basically it would rainbows and sunshine. They owe you compensation for damages.
As a owner of a dog with seperation anxiety, it is almost impossible not to know whether your pet has attachment issues. For us, when we go on holidays we need to give him to friends who are basically family, so we can ensure everyone is happy and comfortable.
I understand if your friends dog is young, as your friend is probably still learning his behaviours and maybe didn’t know it can be difficult on dogs to part with their people. However, if he’s older then it’s unacceptable, and your friend should know better.
In terms of compensation, I think it’s important to note it’s not the dogs fault and you *did* take the risk to bring him into your home.
I don’t think anyone is particularly an asshole, as I understand the need to get someone to look after my dog. But I also understand that you were misinformed and misled about the behaviour of their dog.
Overall, NTA if you ask for partial compensation.
A dog in their own environment or a familiar one like that of family probably wouldn’t show that anxiety. However, remove the familiar faces and places and you’ve got a dog in an unknown situation and you can’t predict how they will act.
Could your friend have guessed? Depends on if they have ever been in that situation before. Or if anyone ever mentioned it to them.
As for damages. Was this a paid gig or a favour. Was there anything done to minimize the damages once you realized what was happening? Need some more info to be able to judge it.
The solution to your door is to fill, sand and paint it. The solution to the sleepless nights was your friend finding someone else reasonably fast to get their dog.
You said yourself you don’t know that they knew about the separation anxiety so not sure how you then say more transparency would have avoided your “losses”.
When I read the title I was expecting those losses to be greater than a scratched door. Dogs with serious separation anxiety can do wild amounts of damage!
NAH. In your position I probably wouldn’t ask for compensation. But I don’t think it makes you an asshole if you do. But that compensations should be limited to a pot of paint and some filler for the scratches. No one needs a new door for some scratches.
NTA but-
There was a commenter earlier that said it’s nearly impossible not to know about doggy separation anxiety, which is very true. It’s hard not to notice separation anxiety and even harder not to notice if it’s severe. But this is completely besides the point.
Whether they knew or not, your door is damaged, and it’s their dogs fault. You just want your door fixed and to not lose a friendship over something small/petty. Instead of asking for financial compensation, I’d recommend just asking for help with repairing your door. It’s a healthy medium/reasonable ask that will fix your door and won’t put your friend in an uncomfortable situation about money, thus keeping the friendship.
“We love the suggestion of sanding and painting our door to repair the damage your dog did when he was here. Please let us know when you’ll be able to come over to sand and paint. The paint color is XYZ available at Home Depot. We plan to be home for much of the next two weekends. Please let us know your schedule so we can find a convenient time for you to do the repair.
“If you’re not able to do this yourselves, this is the phone number of our handyman, Phil. You can make the arrangements and get his payment schedule directly from him, and contract with him directly. If you have a painter or handyman you’d prefer to hire to repair the damage, please do get in touch with them so they can fix our door ASAP.
“All the best, OP”
NTA. This is on the folks whose dog did the damage. When your kid or your pet damages someone else’s property, it’s on you — the parent or pet owner — fix it.
You are NTA. Your friends should have immediately said they would cover whatever damage was caused especially since you were pet- sitting for free. This makes them TA and I hope you can get competition.