AITA for lying to my friend so I wouldn’t have to cover her shift?
I (18F) and X (19F) work together at a cafe. She messaged me yesterday asking if I could cover her shift tomorrow (today) because she has an appointment for her eye where she’ll have drops put in so she needs the day off.
I have been extremely burnt out recently, and with my antidepressants starting to work I want to treat myself to getting a bus to the city to get McDonald’s and to watch A Minecraft Movie rather than bedrotting. I would have 100% covered her shift if I was asked in advance, but I was at a point where the only thing keeping me going was knowing I had a treat planned and I’d bought the ticket for the cinema already. I needed more than 24 hours notice.
I was going to tell her that I had plans and have bought non refundable tickets but after I said I couldn’t cover her shift, she replied with “But babe, I need the day off” so I told her I had a drs appointment and that I was seeing my godmother before she goes back to work next week, I felt as though going to the cinemas wasn’t a good enough reason to not cover her.
I feel bad now, she’s at the appointment now so she must have found cover but I feel shitty for being selfish and putting my wants before her needs.
TL:DR: I told my friends I had the drs/family plans so I didn’t have to cover her shift when really I’m going to watch a film and get fast food.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
AITA for lying to my friend so I wouldn’t have to cover her shift?
I (18F) and X (19F) work together at a cafe. She messaged me yesterday asking if I could cover her shift tomorrow (today) because she has an appointment for her eye where she’ll have drops put in so she needs the day off.
I have been extremely burnt out recently, and with my antidepressants starting to work I want to treat myself to getting a bus to the city to get McDonald’s and to watch A Minecraft Movie rather than bedrotting. I would have 100% covered her shift if I was asked in advance, but I was at a point where the only thing keeping me going was knowing I had a treat planned and I’d bought the ticket for the cinema already. I needed more than 24 hours notice.
I was going to tell her that I had plans and have bought non refundable tickets but after I said I couldn’t cover her shift, she replied with “But babe, I need the day off” so I told her I had a drs appointment and that I was seeing my godmother before she goes back to work next week, I felt as though going to the cinemas wasn’t a good enough reason to not cover her.
I feel bad now, she’s at the appointment now so she must have found cover but I feel shitty for being selfish and putting my wants before her needs.
TL:DR: I told my friends I had the drs/family plans so I didn’t have to cover her shift when really I’m going to watch a film and get fast food.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I lied to a friend about what I was doing on my day off so she wouldn’t press me to cover her shift. My reason was recreational when hers was medical and I feel guilty
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re good everyone needs a break from time to time don’t sweat it
NTA, we’ve all been there. Sometimes you don’t feel like your reasons are good enough, but you’re still entitled to a day off. I had to learn to start doing this years ago, because I was burning myself out always covering for others.
NTA. Your mental health is just as important as her eye appointment. You already had plans that were important to your well-being, and “I have plans” is a complete sentence—you don’t owe anyone a detailed justification.
That said, lying probably made you feel worse in the long run. Next time, just stick with “I can’t, I have prior commitments.” No need to over-explain. Burnout is real, and taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Hope the movie was worth it!
Nta. She knew about her drs appointment more than 24 hours before her shift, her failure to plan is not your problem. No is a complete sentence
I’m going to assume your friend knew about this appointment for a while. If it was an emergency appointment, then cafe would have had to get her coverage due to her calling out sick. What I’m trying to say, is her lack of prior planning does not necessitate an emergency on your part.
Enjoy your treat, mental health days are important. If anyone asks about appt, just say it was a regular check up, no issues, and change the subject. NTA
NTA. Someone else’s poor planning isn’t your responsibility.
I’m usually all about honesty, but lying was probably your best bet for protecting your mental health in this case.
NTA, you should take care of yourself first 🙂
If you struggle with mental health, you probably don’t take comments on your post too personally because people can be rude to you and say you are the asshole for looking after yourself or sth
NTA
You also NEED a break and you were off to make plans for one. It is not selfish or greedy to take care of ourselves
Mental health is also very important. It’s ok to prioritize yourself from time to time NTA
NTA. Start practicing boundaries and it’ll get easier. Just simply say “Can’t help this time. Sorry.” If someone pushes, simply repeat “Already have plans. Can’t this time.”. If they continue to push and ask what you’re doing “Doesn’t matter what I’m doing. I already have plans. Sorry”. Walk away. Get out of the habit of explaining yourself. Or over explaining yourself. If someone continues to push for a doc appt, turn it on them and ask why they’re waiting til the last minute to get their shift covered– that’s on them.
Obviously, as people, we want to connect with people and help out sometimes, give & take; being nice & charitable makes us feel good too. But when you’re not able to be there for someone, just say NO. I can’t. And leave it alone. We feel worse and guilty when we lie and try to cover ourselves — something we don’t need to do. Some people need more mental preparation in order to “show up” and that’s okay.
NTA
NTA, work friends are different than real friends. Your personal life should not be discussed with work. Now days most Drs appointments are planned a month in advance (if not longer).She had plenty of time to find coverage. Unless it’s an emergency visit. Which it clearly was not as they knew what procedure was to be done. You don’t owe anyone at work an explanation as to why you can’t cover a shift. And they shouldn’t judge what’s more important. A “white” lie is nothing you should feel bad about. You avoided being guilted into dropping your plans for them.
NTA My daughter’s coworker tried guilting her to switch the other night so the coworker would be first out. She claimed she wanted to visit her uncle in the hospital. The coworker was using their friendship to guilt my daughter.
I told my daughter not to feel one ounce of guilt. Hospital visiting hours ended before first out.
NTA, your “friends” lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your end. I’m assuming this was not an emergency doctor’s appointment for your friend (and even if it was that does not mean you are obligated to light yourself on fire to keep her warm). So either management s*cks and ignored her request for a day off or she did not request the day off as soon as she had her appointment scheduled, either way (again) not your problem.
Something many people (women especially, including myself) is feeling selfish for not “lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm”. Yes, if you have the ability it is nice to help others, but if it is between your own NEEDS and someone else’s you are NOT an AH for putting your needs first (unless of course your a parent to young children who do in fact 100% relay on you, but that is a different conversation).
Nta! You are not obligated love
NTA for how you feel but YTA for lying. The only reason you need to give someone when they ask a favor if you don’t want to do it is the real one, even if they don’t like it. That would be their problem not yours! Next time just stand up for yourself (I know it’s easier said than done) and stick to your guns.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend unfortunately was not being entirely respectfuly of you because you said “no” and told her you had prior commitments, which should have been enough for anyone, but she still argued and put herself and her needs first. You must learn to set healthy boundaries and to prioritise your own health.
Are you married to this girl?
Is she your daughter?
Why do you think your responsible for putting her wants ahead of yours?
This is a coworker, and if you start letting your co-workers take your planned time off because you feel sorry for them, the only thing they’re going to learn is that they can use you.
NTA — sometimes mental health needs a McFlurry and Minecraft more than a guilt trip and a hairnet. It’s called self-care, not shift-share.
NOT the AH but I wouldn’t let your find find out if you can help it … just to avoid hurt feelings from having lied.
Remember, no one is obligated to cover a shift, not even for a friend. I’m very comfortable with the word NO.
My practice with shift work is to agree to cover shifts periodically when asked with the expectation the favor will be returned. If I’m ever turned down, for whatever reason, I won’t cover for that person again.
I never answer the phone when the manager calls. I work in a profession (nursing) that is chronically short staffed by intention by management, and I won’t reward that. The manager can work the floor or pay someone incentives to come in but it won’t be me.
YTA…for lying, but I get why you did so.
Never lie. Lies always come back to bite you.
You told her no. When she says she needed the day off, “sorry, like I said, no, I cannot cover for you at this last minute. I have plans of my own. If I had advance notice, I might have been able to change my plans”.
Most eye test appointments are made in advance. Poor planning in her end does not make an emergency on your end.
NTA : keep it short and sweet. “Gosh I’m so sorry I have plans.”
NTA, everyone feels bad, saying no to a request like that but in reality “no“ is a complete answer. “No, I have plans“ is all you need to say. No further explanation is required. It doesn’t matter what those plans are, they are just as important as hers. Her eye appointment doesn’t sound like an emergency. If this is a routine exam they will dilate her eyes. It wears off after a couple of hours, until then she can wear sunglasses. She shouldn’t have waited until the last minute to arrange coverage. Her lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part. Enjoy your day off.
NTA. She asked, you had plans. If it was that much of a problem for her, she could have offered to pay you back for the ticket. Clearly, she found a work around. I’d have just said, sorry, I’m busy, there’s no real need for clarification here. That said, her appointment was likely made in advance, so she should have made accommodations accordingly.
NTA. I highly doubt that your friend only just found out about the eye appointment, so it should’ve been her responsibility to get her shift changed earlier. You already had plans and things booked beforehand, and like you said if you had just known earlier you would’ve changed your shift.
Now as for the lying part. While it’s not the best thing to do, honesty would always be preferable, you likely avoided an argument about whether your day plans are more important than her appointment. I don’t think it makes you an asshole just for avoiding the confrontation, especially over something which in the grand scheme of things is pretty minor.
NTA. Just because you have some free time doesn’t mean that it can be claimed by someone else who thinks they need it more.
NTA. Just because you have some free time doesn’t mean that it can be claimed by someone else who thinks they need it more.
NTA, no is a complete sentence.
NTA you did what you needed to do. Just don’t snitch on yourself
>I couldn’t cover her shift
This is literally the only thing you needed to say. No is a complete sentence.
>“But babe, I need the day off”
This is her pushing her luck because she’s trying to get the day off. Repeating that you’re busy is plenty.
NTA
Lying isn’t nice, but I understand that you felt pressured and wanted to ensure you had some backing, even if fake.
Your coworker is the asshole for pushing after you said no.
>the only thing keeping me going was knowing I had a treat planned
If you’ve hit this point, you are not in a fit state to work, because you need to practise some self-care. Going to the cinema solo and eating McDonalds is valid self-care. Sitting at home reading is self-care.
Do not burn yourself out for the benefit of a company that if you died, wouldn’t wait till you were in the ground to advertise for a replacement.