I’m genuinely not sure if I’m being the problem here and will take full responsibility if I am.
I (F20) am living with my Dad as I look for a room or place of my own. I work full time and his place is 5mins away from work so it works out pretty great. I pay rent and have my own room with a spare bed in the corner of it for my brother and sister to sleep in if they come over. They’re 16 and 17. They live with our mum mostly but sometimes maybe once or twice a month, one of them will come over and hang out for a night or two and sleep in that bed.
Today the guy I’m dating came over as he was in the area, we got down to business while my dad was at work and I had the day off. We obviously went and did it in my room only on my bed and after he had left there was literally no way of telling that we had had sex in my bed. It was clean and I even changed the sheets despite it being clean.
Tonight my sister came over to stay the night in the spare bed and we were dancing around to music in that room as sisters do. We have a comfortable relationship and often tell each other about boys, love and sex. She has told me some crazy stories about her and her ex partner so it just seems normal to me to talk about it. I told her that we had finally had sex and she like jumped off of my bed in disgust and started saying that’s so wrong and disrespectful and I said “don’t worry I changed the sheets” and she got so angry. She told me this is her room as well and it’s so disrespectful to bring him into dad’s house secretly (the only reason it was a secret was because I didn’t want to say to my dad “hey just so you know the guy I’m dating railed my like a freight train today in your house”. She stormed out and asked my dad to take her home. I didn’t know this and he came back from dropping her off and seemed normal. I don’t know if she told him.
Anyway, I was under the impression that it was my bedroom with a bed for them, and I could do whatever I wanted on my bed. I kept things clean, didn’t bring him over while anyone else was there and I honestly didn’t see a problem with it. I don’t want to be seen as being disrespectful, but if that’s actually disrespectful that I did that I will tell my dad and apologise.
This is why I want a place because it sucks being an adult trying to have an adult life but feeling like I have to be held to the standards I was held to when I was 15/16.
So reddit, am I the asshole?
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I’m genuinely not sure if I’m being the problem here and will take full responsibility if I am.
I (F20) am living with my Dad as I look for a room or place of my own. I work full time and his place is 5mins away from work so it works out pretty great. I pay rent and have my own room with a spare bed in the corner of it for my brother and sister to sleep in if they come over. They’re 16 and 17. They live with our mum mostly but sometimes maybe once or twice a month, one of them will come over and hang out for a night or two and sleep in that bed.
Today the guy I’m dating came over as he was in the area, we got down to business while my dad was at work and I had the day off. We obviously went and did it in my room only on my bed and after he had left there was literally no way of telling that we had had sex in my bed. It was clean and I even changed the sheets despite it being clean.
Tonight my sister came over to stay the night in the spare bed and we were dancing around to music in that room as sisters do. We have a comfortable relationship and often tell each other about boys, love and sex. She has told me some crazy stories about her and her ex partner so it just seems normal to me to talk about it. I told her that we had finally had sex and she like jumped off of my bed in disgust and started saying that’s so wrong and disrespectful and I said “don’t worry I changed the sheets” and she got so angry. She told me this is her room as well and it’s so disrespectful to bring him into dad’s house secretly (the only reason it was a secret was because I didn’t want to say to my dad “hey just so you know the guy I’m dating railed my like a freight train today in your house”. She stormed out and asked my dad to take her home. I didn’t know this and he came back from dropping her off and seemed normal. I don’t know if she told him.
Anyway, I was under the impression that it was my bedroom with a bed for them, and I could do whatever I wanted on my bed. I kept things clean, didn’t bring him over while anyone else was there and I honestly didn’t see a problem with it. I don’t want to be seen as being disrespectful, but if that’s actually disrespectful that I did that I will tell my dad and apologise.
This is why I want a place because it sucks being an adult trying to have an adult life but feeling like I have to be held to the standards I was held to when I was 15/16.
So reddit, am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had sex in my bed in my own room that is sometimes shared in a separate bed. I told my sister who sometimes shares the room and she got super angry and left my house. I’m wanting to know if it was disrespectful what I did.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – If the sheets weren’t cleaned i’d say otherwise, but you went through the processes of cleaning after yourself, and respecting everyone’s space? Also women’s safety is a big thing – would your sister rather have you at a dodgy hotel or a random apartment where you’re not 100% safe? Don’t think you’re the asshole in this situation & your sister needs to realize you’re an adult
NTA. Your sister is being a prude. Now you know that you shouldn’t overshare with her.
NTA. You’re over the age of consent and you were alone at the time. Those are the most important considerations. People have sex. It’s part of life. Now, if your family had deep traditional religious beliefs and felt sex outside of marriage was wrong, I might think differently here. However, that does not appear to be the case.
Definitely NTA you are an adult and if you wanted to get fucked by 10 guys on YOUR bed while you are alone and no one is home then that should be perfectly fine.
NTA but I may suggest wait until your siblings are a bit older to reciprocate those kinds of conversations. Just because they are old enough to participate in them doesn’t mean they’re mature enough to actually process them.
Nta
NTA that’s a non-problem. Your sister is making a scene for nothing. It’s the room you live in most of the time, the bed you sleep in most of the nights. Also you changed the sheets, which proves you were respectful.
Nonetheless, go talk about it to your sister, maybe she doesn’t have a problem with you, but with herself, and needs to be confronted about it.
NTA Sex is natural, no need to be grossed out by it.
When I first started reading this I thought it was going along the lines of you had sex with your guy when the teenage sibling was in the room. But this was at a different time where no one else was present? NTA
You said you and your sibling talk about their crazy sex stories with the ex? Was this not happening at home in their own bed or similar?! Is this not the same? Your bed is your private space. Also you were not having sex on the spare bed that they are sleeping on.
NTA – she is overreacting and is a teen so I give her some grace but I thought she would be more understanding since she’s already sexually active.
NTA you are an adult and you can do whatever you want plus you cleaned the sheets. It seems like your sister isn’t mature enough to understand.
NTA teenagers are weird and mercurial. She’ll get over it.
NTA teenagers are weird and mercurial. She’ll get over it.
NTA — I’m getting from your post that you had sex in your bed, not the spare bed that is in the room for your siblings. She’s being a brat. Like where does she have sex? In her bed presumably. Like all people do.
You are the adult. You pay your rent, if she as a literal child with no job has an issue with that tell her to get the fuck over it lol.
Unless your sister is paying rent too it’s your room and you’re being very generous by allowing her to sleep in it when she stays over. NTA
I wonder if she knows your parents had sex in their bed that she crawled all over as a child. NTA, you did nothing wrong.
Nta your an adult and pay rent for that room.
She’s a teenager. They’re very emotionally immature and that reaction is to be expected but no you’re NTA
NTA. It’s super weird that your sister will talk to you about sex but then be so repulsed by the idea that you actually had sex. You do need to re-evaluate the way you communicate with your dad though. If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one. Clearly you don’t tell your parent that your going to be “railed” but tell them your romantic partner is visiting, and make sure everyone’s schedule is going to work.
NTA. Your sister is being hypocritical and immature. Ask her to put herself in your place, and if it would be fair for you to react as she had if she told you she had sex with her partner in her own room (and separate bed).