So I (19F) was hanging out at my boyfriend’s (22M) house last weekend. His parents were out of town, so we had the place to ourselves. It was super hot out and he has this cute little pool in the backyard. Pretty private, nothing wild.
I brought a bikini with me – nothing revealing or crazy, just my usual white two-piece that I’ve worn to public beaches and keep in mind no one’s ever said anything. We were swimming, having drinks, just relaxing and laughing. Then out of nowhere, he looks up at one of the neighbor’s windows and goes, “Can you go grab a shirt or something? I think people are watching.” (like he had schizophrenia or smth lmao)
I thought he was joking at first but he got dead serious. He said the bikini was “a lot” and that the neighbors could probably see from their upstairs windows and would think things about me. I said “I’m literally just swimming, what would they think?” but he kept pushing it.
He brought me a towel and basically begged me to cover up. (please just imagine it and you’ll see why I’m posting this rn) I felt weird. Like… why should I feel bad for wearing a bikini in a pool? In a backyard? No one even said anything. He just kept acting like I was being too much.
The rest of the afternoon was awkward. He barely looked at me and kept checking the fence like someone was spying. I don’t think I looked that crazy, as you can probably tell. I mean… if it made him that uncomfortable, should I have just changed or I shouldn’t really care as I am human too bruh??
Sooo… AITAH?
Comments
NTA! Your bf was a bug ah and you should rethink thisxrelationship because men like this get more controlling, not less
sounds like his neighbor is a creep and he’s just trying to protect you and not put you in an uncomfortable situation. No guy wants someone else leering at their girlfriend.
I read that almost word for word yesterday already
YTA — but not for the bikini. For dating a grown-ass toddler who can’t handle cleavage without a paranoia spiral.
Let’s be clear:
You wore a bikini.
In a pool.
In summer.
In a private backyard.
That’s not scandalous. That’s standard issue.
What’s not standard is your boyfriend turning into a Victorian grandmother clutching pearls over the “neighbors possibly maybe looking from a window across the fence in broad daylight.”
That’s not concern.
That’s control dressed up as fake modesty.
“He brought me a towel and basically begged me to cover up.”
Like you’re a radioactive hazard.
Girl, you weren’t flashing the Pope. You were in swimwear at a damn pool. If that’s too much for his fragile brain to handle, he needs therapy — not a girlfriend.
And then he pulled the classic manipulation move:
Punish you with silence.
Make it awkward.
Sulk like you committed a war crime because you didn’t change into a Puritan gown on command.
You’re not the asshole for wearing the bikini.
You’re not even the asshole for not changing.
But you are the asshole to yourself if you keep entertaining a man who wants you to shrink every time someone might have the audacity to look.
So yeah — YTA to yourself if you don’t wake up and realize this has nothing to do with “neighbors” and everything to do with insecurity + control.
Your body isn’t the problem.
His delusion is.
NTA. You can’t control what other people do. You can only control your reaction. In your case you did just fine.
Was the neighbor a creep and peeking? Maybe. Something’s got your BF insecure about other people looking at you. That’s his problem to deal with, not yours. If you feel good about yourself, you keep doing you.
TBH, YTA. You should listen to your boyfriend. He clearly knows what he’s talking about. And more even than the creep neighbor, he wants to be with a girl who has some respect for herself.
Should be dealing with the neighbours
NTA — wore a bikini to swim in a pool, not summon the neighborhood watch. If he’s more stressed about the window than the weather, that’s a him problem, not a dress code emergency.
Honestly it could go either way. On one hand he could be over reacting but on the other he must know something about his neighbor and is protecting you or just has a bad vibe and wants to make sure u are safe. It depends. Maybe just sit and talk to him about it to see.
Your bf is banging the neighbors.
Maybe he thinks his neighbor is creepy. hard to know, take him to the beach and see what he’s like
You’re only young once. Wear your bikini and drop your bf who wants to to dim your light. Don’t let him.
Please say bye to this bf. This is red flag on steroids behavior:
Nta, but sounds like your bf is.
Sounds like you’re a hottie. Take that bikini & find yourself new man. NTA
NTA, just give the neighbour a friendly wave if you see them looking and continue what youre doing.
Also: was your bf in swim shorts? Then why wasnt HE covering up himself, maybe the neighbour was checking HIM out XD
OP I’m gonna give u the best advice I can give. I dated a Iraqi guy once he was verbally abusive and physically abusive and controlling to where he look gas station he was working at to spy on me at the apt we shared. He only got worse he tried to kill me and he was just plain awful. I took that bullshit for over a year. Trust me huni wen I say he won’t change for the better in fact it only gets worse. One day I got my self esteem and the strength to leave him and not look back I tell ya it was the best decision I ever made. U don’t need someone dictating what u wear and u don’t need someone bossing u around. Ur a grown up u can wear bikini 👙 if u want to u were swimming. Ur bf sounds like a tool. U should leave and not look back. This isn’t healthy behavior he’s exhibiting. Good luck to you dear hopefully things will work out for you.
NTA and bf went overboard. Is it possible he’s worried about neighbor taking pics for spank material?
I swear, I’ve seen this exact same story posted half a dozen times now.
He is showing you who he is and wants to have control of you. See who he is and leave. Nobody should ever have control over you except you!
NTA, but you might want to consider a new boyfriend.
NTA, you wore a bikini in a pool totally normal even in public. On top of that it’s private property in a back yard. You guys could’ve skinny dipped and it’s appropriate.
Did he put a shirt on too to cover himself?
NTA
NTA but you will be TA to yourself if you stay in this relationship
You should have changed . . . boyfriends.
As someone old enough to be your mom, life is too short to put up with this type of behavior. As you get older, you’ll regret the times you made yourself smaller to keep the peace, but you won’t regret the times you stood up for yourself. Or for others.
YTA. You forgot to link the OF you’re advertising.
My father gave me this piece of wisdom many years ago:
“You can be right and still lose.”
Couldn’t you even for a second think he thought he was trying to protect you?
Can you wear what you want? Certainly.
Will you sometimes have to deal with consequences for choices you make? Also yes.
Questions:
Was it a thong bikini with your entire ass hanging out?
Do you expect your BF to protect you should danger come for you when he’s present?
Are there any scenarios that you can think of where he might tell you to not do something because it was dangerous and you would not question him?
If he was walking around in jogging shorts with his dong clearly outlined and a woman was staring at him, would you say anything?
Off topic but two of my favorite stories:
He motions to her and yells “COW!”
The woman screams profanity at him and gives him the finger.
Then……she crashes into the cow.
The man says to himself, “Well, I tried.”
She is about to walk up the next driveway when she meets a man coming in the opposite direction.
The man stops and says “You might want to skip this house. A convicted sex offender lives there.”
The woman responds “But he can’t do anything to me. That’s against the law.”
She starts up the driveway.
The man shakes his head and thinks “Well, I tried.”
Will my comment bring out the rabid feminists? Of course.
Will slurs be thrown around? Also yes.
Will I block those people? Again, yes.
He needs to come clean as to WHY exactly he thought someone was watching and what the problem was if they were.
Because the ONLY reason I could consider justifiable is if there was a sexual predator in the house next door. In which case, he better be explicit in his warning to you. Because it’s not about the bikini.
NTA.
This is what I tell my dd(23)
Men and boys are going to comment on your body and attire literally no matter what you wear. So wear what YOU like, and what YOU feel confident and comfortable in.
If these comments are coming from your partner, this is a red flag. Someone is going to have to bend here. Either you condition yourself to dress for someone else (a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE IDEA) or he’s going to have to get over himself (this can be difficult and requires actual work on his part).
He is telling you where he is, so pay attention. always be wary of people who use YOU to reflect themselves.
NTA. My niece is 17 and I always taught her to wear what makes her comfortable. Not what makes other people comfortable and taught her how to be aware and smart about certain situations because she shouldn’t have to live her life accordingly to men. This also imparts her relationships.
Anyone seeking to comment on your clothing and style is a form of control that only gets worse over time in experience. Wear what makes you comfortable and instead of being worried about of clothing, be worried about those who take issue to your clothing and seek to understand why that may be and if it is in alignment with your values, not theirs.
What would people think? Who cares what other people think? He’s an insecure douche! NTA