I’ve been living in my 2 bedroom house with a roommate to help cover my mortgage l’ve known this person for about 3 years now. The first 2 years were great she was super nice, very clean, and kept to herself.
Well over the last year things have just gotten out of hand. I’m a clean person, things don’t have to be SPOTLESS everyday but l do like when it is at least tidy everyday. We had one cleaning day a week where we would deep clean the house mop the floors vacuum etc and she was fine with that she would help me.
Until a few months ago when she started being “sick” every time we had planned to do a cleaning day, so I just started doing it on my own but that led to her NEVER cleaning up after herself and it got bad. It started with leaving dishes and trash for me to pick up but then it got nasty. She would leave her used pads and tampons on the vanity in the washroom, she wouldn’t flush her pee or poo to the point where the toilet would be almost overflowing.
She would “save” bath water in the bathtub to save water.
She got sick and puked on the couch and carpet in the living room while I was gone for the weekend and didn’t clean it up the whole time. After countless conversations with her, her response was always “well if you want it clean do it yourself or hire a cleaner at your cost I don’t care”
Then about 3 months ago she stopped paying rent and was asking me to cover the cost until she gets out of the tough spot she’s in and she’ll pay me back. She started working again 2 months ago and still “couldn’t afford rent or to pay me back”. Last week I was absolutely sick of everything the house was trashed and my anger may have controlled my moves she was at work and I threw all of her belongings into 6 large garbage bags and put them outside the door. I moved her vanity and dresser to the front lawn and changed the lock on the door she came back banging on the door and I just ignored it she eventually left and took all her stuff with her and I’ve blocked her on everything so no way of contacting me.
I feel like I’m the asshole for packing her stuff and throwing it all on the yard may have taken it too far. Reddit what do you think?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
I’ve been living in my 2 bedroom house with a roommate to help cover my mortgage l’ve known this person for about 3 years now. The first 2 years were great she was super nice, very clean, and kept to herself.
Well over the last year things have just gotten out of hand. I’m a clean person, things don’t have to be SPOTLESS everyday but l do like when it is at least tidy everyday. We had one cleaning day a week where we would deep clean the house mop the floors vacuum etc and she was fine with that she would help me.
Until a few months ago when she started being “sick” every time we had planned to do a cleaning day, so I just started doing it on my own but that led to her NEVER cleaning up after herself and it got bad. It started with leaving dishes and trash for me to pick up but then it got nasty. She would leave her used pads and tampons on the vanity in the washroom, she wouldn’t flush her pee or poo to the point where the toilet would be almost overflowing.
She would “save” bath water in the bathtub to save water.
She got sick and puked on the couch and carpet in the living room while I was gone for the weekend and didn’t clean it up the whole time. After countless conversations with her, her response was always “well if you want it clean do it yourself or hire a cleaner at your cost I don’t care”
Then about 3 months ago she stopped paying rent and was asking me to cover the cost until she gets out of the tough spot she’s in and she’ll pay me back. She started working again 2 months ago and still “couldn’t afford rent or to pay me back”. Last week I was absolutely sick of everything the house was trashed and my anger may have controlled my moves she was at work and I threw all of her belongings into 6 large garbage bags and put them outside the door. I moved her vanity and dresser to the front lawn and changed the lock on the door she came back banging on the door and I just ignored it she eventually left and took all her stuff with her and I’ve blocked her on everything so no way of contacting me.
I feel like I’m the asshole for packing her stuff and throwing it all on the yard may have taken it too far. Reddit what do you think?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Me throwing my roommates stuff on the lawn and not letting her come in as a way of kicking her out 2. It may have made me the asshole for not talking to her instead and having a little more patience
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m not exactly sure about the legality of your actions, and you probably should have given her some warning.
My biggest concern is that it sounds like she is going through some mental health crisis, particularly as the leaving the used feminine hygiene products on the counter, not flushing the toilet, and saving old bath water seem to be more of mental health issues.
I think you should have given her some deadlines with consequences earlier.
ESH
YTA and depending on where you are in the world, what you did may also be illegal. I think you should’ve talked first and told your friend that they should consider finding somewhere else to live. Then serve them with eviction papers. Being a coward and throwing their stuff out when they’re out is an AH move here in my opinion
ESH – that’s not the way to handle things.
NTA if they’re a grown person they need to clean up after themselves that’s disgusting and you shouldn’t be subjected to living like that. If you had spoke to her several times there is no reason you were wrong for what you did
lol YTA. If you’d given her even a days notice
you wouldn’t have been the AH but what you did was really nasty and if her stuff had been stolen, she’d be well within moral reason to key your car. You’re lucky she left. I would have chucked rocks into your front windows, unpaid rent and all.
Also, she’s not your roommate she’s your tenant. You’re a landlord.
There’s a great saying on Reddit
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Guess your ex housemate won the prize she deserves.
NTA. I hope you did a sneaky poo in one of the bags full of her stuff.
ESH. You can’t just spontaneously evict someone because you got mad. Even if it’s legal where you are, doing so makes you the ass.
And if it’s not legal, you could be facing hefty legal repercussions.
You should be giving her notice, and tracking her lack of payment on paper to have her removed.
ESH.
Let’s make one thing clear, your friend probably deserved what happened to her. She’s in your house trashing the place and not paying rent. Your reaction is understandable, and I empathise a lot, but the way you handled it violated your roommates legal rights and might put you in financial trouble.
You can’t just kick someone out who has lived with you for three years. You need to evict them through the courts. Yes, it can take a while. Yes, she will try to make life hell in the process. But by legally evicting her you will both get your house back and be able to get the rent money she owes you.
Now, that’s far more uncertain. She can still live at that house because she is a tenant who paid most of her rent. Not only that, you are now liable for any damage which her property might’ve faced during your outburst. So now the issue may have gone completely unresolved and now you’re having to pay her money back (or have to put the money towards the rent she owes you).
Be more mature than this, for your own sake.
ESH
This is not how eviction works.
NTA–when people can’t even clean up their own waste–it’s time to go–the ones that are saying YTA have obviously never had to clean vomit up for an adult living in their home or have to see crap and pee in a toilet and deal with the smell from it being there all day. Depression or not—basic hygiene and respect when living in someone else’s house and asking for favors is not asking to much
ESH. she was nasty af, not paying rent, and straight up disrespectful—but tossing her stuff out like that and blocking her was kinda cold. should’ve given a warning or formal notice first. still, can’t blame u for snapping.
Esh. I don’t think this is legal… but I also understand you had enough…. Seems like she’s having some serious mental health issues.
I don’t know about where anyone else is, but in my neck of the woods, landlord/tenant laws are applied differently when the landlord lives on the property in the same unit with the tenant. When the tenant’s home is also the landlord’s home, notice for evictions is a lot shorter and there’s less legal process involved. Is my jurisdiction unique in this?
NTA. You were smart. Most people do minor things in trying to get squatter-users to move out, and live in misery for longer than they should.
Esh
Y t a and likely illegally evicted her without notice. You should have given her a time frame to leave and a cleaning bill.
She’s an A H for the behavior you listed.
ESH. You are a landlord and you need to follow the laws in your jurisdiction.
ESH: yea she’s beyond disgusting but she is legally renting a home from you and you legally have to follow a proper eviction process or you can get in a LOT of trouble. Like very serious legal trouble. Especially blocking her after. These laws exist for a reason. You can’t just throw a person out on the street.
Even if you don’t have a legal lease, she’s still a “tenant at will” and there is still a legal process for eviction.
I mean I can understand your frustration but what what you did could get you in trouble. It’s absolutely illegal well that is if you are in the states. You should have evicted her legally. I guess you just hope she doesn’t take you to court. ESH
NTA I personally would have been put her out. She is disrespectful and disgusting. She had no respect for you or your home.
YTA. While I support most of what you did, there’s a missing step here that’s required, when you’re dealing with someone’s home.
You can’t kick her out without warning her and giving her a date.
You got angry and did something impulsive that could lead to her being homeless, even if only temporarily. The thing is, the only real A-holery there is the impulsiveness. Everything else is fine and understandable, except that part.