My bf and I have been going out for almost a year. I’m nondenominational and he’s Catholic. There have been a lot of ups and downs because of our religious differences and because when I was younger I had a really bad experience at Catholic school.
I found out recently that his mom has been suggesting that he meets girls at Latin mass behind my back and has told him to meet girls at Catholic dances.
This makes me uncomfortable. I also have compromised on church but am not sure if I can go to Catholic mass the rest of my life.
TL;DR I love my bf but idk what to do and am worried about his mother becoming a big problem.
Comments
You cannot do anything about this. You are who you are, and you’ll never be the good Catholic girl that she wants. BF needs to handle this.
How did you find out about this? Do you feel confident that BF is all-in with you? Does he stand up to his mother? Do you trust him?
There is no hate like Christian love. What does he think about it? How deep is his mother involved in his life? Does he have your back or is he doing as she says? If he lets her walk all over you, you should ask yourself if you really want this for your whole life.
Changing your religion for a partner is a HUGE deal and not a decision to be made lightly. And it should always come from a genuine place of desire and personal motivation to do so which you don’t have.
Which means that in my opinion you’re not a viable candidate to change your religion.
Since this is where you stand, it falls onto your bf in the end. Is he willing and able to go against his mother’s wishes? And you’re not getting any younger if you want a family for example. You can’t let him drag you along and keep hiding your relationship from his mother. If he chooses to be with you it needs to happen out and open and so that his mother knows. Because there’s a lot of people who drag a person along month after month year after year making all kinds of promises but then finally when the time comes, they choose their mother.
Which at that point should not come as a surprise but anyway.
What can you do? 🤷🏼♀️ nothing. You are who you are and that’s not going to change so this is his decision to make. Not yours.
Talk with the BF. Feel out how things are in the family, like if you are excluded from events or if people avoid you or so. Some people are very strong with family ties, some never see them. Mom has a lot of control as matriarch, but BF is supposed to stand up and tell her to support him and then you. After a while you have an idea what sort of family you can build with this guy. If it’s a relationship where you constantly have to fight, walk away. There are other fish in the sea where you can have a life without people who view their kids as an extension of themselves. Especially if you want kids yourself, cos then it will be her baby again.
You left out the important part – how does your SO react/ handle this?
You can choose to care less about what other people think of you.
Hope this helps!
You tell your boyfriend that if he is not willing to demand respect from his mother…for both you and your relationship, then you are moving on
that is what you do
He’s a man, not a boy
He dictates his relationship with his mom, not the other way around
And if he is not willing to do that, then he is not your ride or die and you are just wasting your time