Too many. When the girl I suspected he was having an affair with poured a drink on me at the bar and he defended her, when he reached out to not one but TWO girls on insta telling them to visit him, when I found him texting another woman under his friend’s name… ‘jrod’… just too many.
But when I saw he followed the girl who poured a drink on me on insta, the lock broke and I finally left. 🤍
I stayed when he was secretly liking other girls’ nude and/or sexy photos, I stayed when he lied and told me he wasn’t using OF to check and look for pictures of girls but turns out, he has an account. Also, I stayed and beg for him even though he wanted to break up with me for so many times in the span of our 5 yrs relationship, and lastly, I stayed even though he never defended me from his family 😅
He cheated and yet I stayed.. for almost 2 years. He cheated on me first quarter of 2023 and was only able to leave that relationship last year.
Would disappeared to the bar for hours and usually overnight and would never tell me where he went and would act like I was crazy for just being curious how his night went. Got hey girlied post break up that he was going to her house lol
Honestly, my list would be endless because of how badly my ex mistreated me. I would be a great case study for why someone remains loyal to another person who abuses them.
He fell in love with his best friend, confessed to them, lied to them about me being okay with them hanging out one on one in their bedrooms, lied to me saying they were just a friend, didnt say shit to me about any of his feelings, so i was completely in the dark. He told them he took an uber home when I was with him and drove him. Lied to them about being around me, and a series more of lies to keep us separatedand me unaware. And when it all got brought into the light, the friend attacked my character, our relationship, and more, and refused to communicate with me. And when i told him it was them or me, he told me that was cruel and unfair, and he wouldnt be able to live without his friend. I held firm, and then he fought me for 3 years in our relationship trying to get me to relax while he continued to ignore and push past every boundary i set. He was so upset i was leaving because we “didnt even get a chance to try”- i had been trying for so long
I could jot down thousands of things. The times I was hurt, disrespected, humiliated and cheated on by the same guy. But as the saying goes, love is blind.
His brother told him to break up with me so id off myself.
Needless to say my boyfriend fully supports me, has pulled back heavily from his brother, and we are currently looking for a place of our own away from that toxicity.
I’m going through this right now, and I don’t know if I’m being delusional or not.
He has essentially lied to me about his views and opinions and kept his feelings bottled up for our entire three year relationship. He pretended to agree with me and that everything was fine between us because he feared losing me.
I can look past his differences, they are things that don’t need to affect our relationship. What hurts me is the fact that he lied to me on his views and feelings for our entire relationship, and yet I still love him.
There’s so many moments, but I suppose one of the most memorable was when he overdosed on drugs while we were in high school. He so clearly had a drug problem and his parents were in SUCH denial. I thought I could save him by staying with him. I should’ve just left after that and spared myself years of heartbreak and frustration.
When he was in a drunken PTSD rage telling me I had no idea what be went thru in Iraq and demanded I learn self defense and twisted my middle finger so bad it swelled up and turned black and blue 🙄 the delulu was deluing hard for me.
My boyfriend lied to me for 5 years ( we weren’t dating officially couldn’t figure that part out) about his on and off girlfriend of 6 years. Instead of being honest. Wanted to have his cake and eat it too.. He only started giving an actual caring about me 7 months ago… that being said my self esteem is totally shattered, I don’t trust him anymore, and idk about this relationship
Oof there’s a lot with my recent ex. The ways he didn’t listen to my needs or respond with empathy, the comparison between me and his ex, the way i forgave him for constantly running when things got tough (i was depressed and he broke up with me (the first time)), i stayed even when he prioritised and spent all his money on a lads trip instead of prioritising our relationship and staying with me (the lack of money meant he had to move back home and we went long distance), when i found out on christmas that he had been lying to me for a year about something that he knew would hurt me and then laughed about it. the times when i asked for more effort and he said “i don’t need to try and chase you”, how when sex would hurt and i told him to stop he’d throw a pity part for himself and complain that i didn’t find him attractive, the same could be said when i said i was uncomfortable with phone sex. the list goes on (we broke up two months ago and he says im an abusive monster. i recognise how i hurt him but he has never acknowledged how all these situations made me feel)
First time he hit me. Was on vacation far from home and I had to take a taxi to the airport to get away from him in the middle of the night. Slept at the airport until I could get a flight home. Somehow I let him convince me it was the alcohol and he’d get help. He didn’t, he hit me again.
When he talked me into getting an abortion at 18 because he didn’t want his kid out there but we couldn’t raise it ourselves. I still married him. I still had kids with him.
And again when he cheated on me after 15 years of marriage and while telling me he cheated then talked himself into being raped. By the end of that conversation, none of it was his fault.
But when I told him he raped me months later, he just scoffed and blew it off. Same circumstances (I didn’t say no, I just let it happen).
When he talked me into an open marriage that ended up only being open on his side.
When his side piece got pregnant, SWORE it was his and he talked her into an abortion.
After over 22 years, I finally left. That was a lesson learned.
this man planned to go on a university camping trip offering some sort of credit he needed for school (he’s a teacher) but in reality it was to go be with a woman he was interested in getting with…at a children’s event…..
My ex threw me across the room in front of my daughter when she was 2 years old. I picked myself up, dropped her off at day care, and went to work. I told myself “he didn’t really mean it.” Ha! Silly me. Stayed another 6 years after that.
He kept going with anal when I said that it hurt. I got up and showered and he was extremely apologetic. If it was a friend, I know what I’d call it, but I can’t as we were married for years by then and I don’t think it was intention to hurt me, and he didn’t do it again.. And I stayed. I left for other reasons, but not listening to my needs was the theme.
I stayed when I found out I had done the other woman’s makeup for a date she was going on, and it was with my boyfriend. We all worked together. He and I had just gotten back together after a few years. I blamed myself because of low self esteem, and having broken his heart before. We were together for another decade after that. Until I found out he never stopped screwing other women. Big shocker there/s.
He yelled at me and mocked me for crying. I stayed but only for a couple weeks because I was going through the denial phase that I had to break up with him
There were a lot.
At one point when we had dinner with his Mother, I had said there was something we needed to consider before getting married, I don’t remember the exact thing it was but I’ll never forget his face when he yelled “IF I MARRY YOU.” In front of his Mother who said nothing.
He told me I was a bit skinny for him and needed to gain 10 pounds. Meanwhile, he weighed less than I did. He also had a terrible pornography addiction which led him to have some unusual kinks like watching girls eat until they vomit. Cherry on top was him threatening suicide every time I tried leaving him.
His ex reached out to him after years of no contact and he went to meet her. They tried to rekindle their relationship but she ended up dumping him again. He only told me about it after he got dumped and cried in my lap telling me that I cannot get mad or else it’ll only mean that I’m with him for what he can give me, which was nothing, and not because I love him. I’m glad it’s over and he’s long gone
Got mad at me for posting a selfie because it had to be for male attention, said I had a crush on his friend because I talked to him, put me down for my career (when I was telling him how proud I was)
There’s too many to county but one of the more embarrassing…. his ex fiancé was getting married the next morning and he wanted to call her because he heard there might be a recall for a car she drove 5 years ago. I told him that might be weird and then he refused to talk to me for hours.
I got pregnant and we decided to go for an abortion. A week before the abortion we got drunk together and he shoved me into a ditch, laughing, while saying “I shoved my pregnant girl into a ditch”,and spent the entire rest of the evening yelling to my face that I was a cheating whore. Stayed for five years after that, and yes, It got worse.
This is so petty, but when we went to a buffet that was advertising two takeout trays to go that you could fill to the brim when you left. For people who don’t know: taking leftover from a buffet, let alone an entire plate, is not usually allowed.
My broke and pregnant self had my take-home tray all planned out as I happily ate my buffet lunch. I was gonna have dinner tonight too! I didn’t know he planned to keep both for himself til after we were done eating, and I went to grab one. He snatched them both up and walked to the buffet without saying a word. I sat there and quietly cried (pregnancy hormones).
Cheated on me with a friend, had an active account on POF, had at least 3 people tell me that he was cheating on me with multiple women. In my defence this relationship was during the ages 16-19
My finance’s parents sat me down and berated me for what felt like hours (It may have been an hour, may have been 20 minutes) about how I am not good enough for their son, how I wasn’t religious enough for their son, how I wasn’t smart enough for their son. He sat at the table and didn’t say a word. On the drive home I sat and planned out how to pack and fly back home.
His mother called about 10 minutes later while we were on our way home and asked us to come back. I was so down and depressed I just said fine. Out of the blue she apologized for what she had said and promised to try harder. I am very quick to forgive an apology.
I didn’t leave. I should have left that moment. Everything would be different if I just went home and packed and never looked back.
I passed out with my boyfriend on a bed during a party. Woke up and he was getting a blowjob from my friend. He said I said it was okay? But I was passed out? And I stayed for 3 more years:
He’s a fucboi but I see potential. He’s quite a gentleman but not really where I want him to be. He’s someone I was trying to see if the potential matched up and I knew it wasn’t going to last forever and yet I stayed.
My ex and another girl literally sexually assaulted me and I stayed. He then broke up with me a week later because “I’m abusive”. I scratched and drew blood from his arm while he was holding me down that night 🥰
He hit me, stole my medication, and cheated on me 3 times. Yet I stayed. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. I eventually got a domestic abuse restraining order
Okay let’s go! It was January 2020.
I was to excited about NY holidays (and I desperately wanted to fuck 🥲). I texted to all my Tinder matches with message “let’s have some fun tonight, let’s go out”. I got only one response (from a curly blonde guy with blue like sky eyes!) to have a date next weekends.
So I went to the club all by myself. I was drinking, I was dancing, I met nobody to fuck. But then I suddenly see the guy I talked before – this curly blonde guy. I was to drunk and spontaneously lost him in a crowd. Then I decided to text him something like “yo im at this barbecue right now seeing you, is it you, where are you?”. I got no response and after about an hour went outside to have a cigarette and go home.
And at the moment I walked out of a bar and saw him – this curly blonde guy – again!
Breath in and out, I went to talk to him.
Hi, Im ### from Tinder. We talked this noon.
Hi, yeah, Im ###, what are you doing here?
Blah blah blah one more beer and we were on a way to his place.
We were walking to the nearest Underground station when we stopped and he take my hand and said:
Nothing will happen between us tonight, Im Asexual.
“Fuck my life” – was a thought in my head. But his place was near a place of my morning meeting, so yet I stayed (1).
We get to his station, up to the surface and I saw this “an industrial area with no traces of living-buildings”.
There is no living buildings, – I said to him
Yeah, I live over here (he pointed at like old factory, looks like hipsters-loft)
And yet I stayed (2).
We walked up the stairs, enter a loft and he said:
This is where I sleep (he pointed at a door), wait me there.
I opened the door, it was dark out there. But I saw this: 16 occupied single beds, and all occupied by men!
And yet I stayed (3)
This blonde guy walked to the room, showed me the bad and we lie down. He immediately started to make out with me (but what about an asexuality???).
I told him to leave me alone, and he felt asleep in exact moments.
Then I realised all the shit around me, got my clothes and run away as fast as possible.
I was disgust, I feel ashamed. So I received a message from him the next day but leave it without answer.
After about 2 weeks I was ready to open Tinder again and read his message. I was shocked after reading. More than that, I was actually fucking scared.
The message was:
Sorry, it definitely wasn’t me. I don’t like bars, and was at my niece birthday (he sent a nice picture to).
And then I realised: I was too drunk and too unlucky to meet to Beautiful Curly Blonde Guy With Sky-blue Eyes. And this shitbag at a bar just wanted to took advantage of me. But he was much drunker than me, if he felt asleep and I run out.
That moment I didn’t know, but I had a Bipolar disorder, and such behaviour was a regular thing.
That’s my “and yet I stayed” story. Don’t wish it to anyone!
Said that he felt like throwing his knife at me after I cooked him a nice dinner, blamed it on depression when I got upset. I believed him.
On the other hand, he once came home to me still in bed after he finished work because I was depressed my job cut my hours, and proceeded to start a fight with me about how useless I was. While I was crying he said he knew I would be this way when he got home, so he spent the whole commute home planning the argument.
When I found out she was sleeping with one of her employees, saw a text she sent a mutual friend which stated she was “not even sorry” about it AND she asked if she and the employee could still hang out after we reconciled.
Feel free to roast me.
There were countless times. But the two worst were when he stayed out until 5/6 am. Checked him phone and there was pics of him with 2 topless girls in a hot tub. And he tried saying “you don’t even know what you were looking at”
About a week or so later, I checked his phone at a bbq we were at and 3 separate girls were sending him nudes. I went home and he didn’t come home until 2 am, and woke me up screaming about an inch away from my face for like 2 hours, while his friend just sat in the living room and watched. I called his mom to pick him or me up, cuz I had taken my Seroquel so I was too out of it to drive. And of course, she wouldn’t.
I moved out that weekend into my parents house, we were seeing eachother again within probably 2 or 3 months. This went on for close to 4 years, from when I was 17 to 21.
-Wouldn’t stop (anything) even if I said “no” “knock it off” “stop”.
-Had me watch a movie that involved sexual abuse and when I sobbed at the end, he asked me what’s wrong??? (Despite knowing my abuse when I was a kid).
-Told me I should give up my parents’ guardianship of me to his mother so he wouldn’t have to pay for student housing and we could live together (that was a clusterfuck I can’t believe I fell for).
-Made me block all of my friends because they “were bad for me”.
After I suffered an 8 week miscarriage* he looked after me quite well for 2 weeks or so, then a few months went by and we were in the back of an Uber home after a few drinks together at a pub, he was annoyed the table next to us was making conversation with us, he says “you should stop being so fucking friendly all the time that’s how you end up pregnant” we’d already been together 1.5 years here. His comment didn’t even make sense. I stayed another year. It was an abortion, I went and got it behind his back because he was like this. Still stayed another year ( I think I ‘left’ him a total of 7 times before the big break down/ through )
He held a knife and “playfully” chased me around with it to terrorize me. It was so many levels of fucked up, but the brainwashing and abuse wore away at my self worth and understanding of what was normal and not normal. (I eventually did safely leave.)
my bestfriend was treating me badly for months & she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong (even though i kept checking with her and asking WHAT i was doing wrong) and just kept slowly giving me excuses & withdrawing herself
at first it was that she couldn’t mentally handle anything (like going out with anyone supposedly) and then it turned into that she didn’t like how close we were, then it was that i was too draining to be around, etc.
throughout all this, everything she said she couldn’t do with anyone – she would do with other friends but not me
we used to be so close that people would associate us together, they would tell us their personal secrets and specify that we could tell each other
anyway, eventually, i got sick of all of it, i was tired of constantly getting hurt by her actions, of crying and begging her over and over to tell me what’s wrong and what i’ve done so i distanced myself as well
I realized after, I made a lot of mistakes – i went through a lot of our chats – i was always expecting her to reply in a certain way & when she wouldn’t, I would get more hurt. which was incredibly unfair to her,
but she never changed her behaviour no matter how many times I told her I simply needed her company – i just needed human connection
turns out, she felt that she couldn’t tell me anything anymore because everytime she would tell me she went out with a friend, i would question her – because she had told me she couldn’t mentally do that so how is it possible that she could do that for them and not me?
this lead to her not trusting me anymore, she would get scared i’d attack her, started assuming i would want the worst for her, the lack of honesty, etc.
it was a lot of one thing that lead to the other, it could’ve been taken care of had she told me the truth from the beginning – that she didn’t want to be close to me anymore, that she didn’t like the way i was acting, but she let me believe it was my fault for months
we’re still friends, she texts me and tries to keep in contact, i still love her with my whole heart & soul but it’ll never be the same as it once was.
I don’t think i’ve truly forgiven all that she has done yet, and I don’t think she has forgiven me either but we both know it’ll take time and we’re just trying to slowly work through this… slowly but surely
called me a wh:re when i got any piercings or tattoo’s
blew up my phone and accused me of cheating when i didn’t respond right away (either at work, or with friends which he’d know about)
demanded my location
i got a new car because my previous one kept braking down anytime i drove it, and he said i had “wasted ‘our future money’ because i was being an impatient and selfish b:tch”
looked through my phone when i was sleeping, took pictures of anything that looked questionable and then sent it to me the following morning while i was at work and picked a fight with me over it
-didn’t like it when i dressed up or did my makeup because then im just “asking for it” whatever tf he meant by that.. i didn’t wanna look too much into it because why would someone say that.
-beg me for intimacy and got mad at me and tried guilt tripping me if i said i didn’t want to. i work incredibly long hours and do physical labor (work with race horses) on a daily basis and get a day off every other week if i was lucky, so no, i wasn’t physically or mentally in the mood for any of it.
-didn’t defend me when his friends spoke about me negatively
-would get mad at me when i spoke about how i felt.
-towards the end of the relationship, he started getting aggressive with me and snatched my phone out of my hands on multiple occasions and literally held me down so i couldn’t move. now it’s hard for me to cuddle with my now S/O without feeling a slight sense of panic if he holds me too tightly
He disrespected me in very subtle “friendly” ways. Now that I think of it, I can’t believe I stayed thinking he was into me too. Secondly, It wasn’t even friendly at all.
Yeah. The list is too long, and makes me sound so appallingly stupid. Short answer is my son, who loved his dad. Long answer takes in the whole Judeo-Christian tradition of women and their place.
Cheated on me with the neighbor. Before I knew 100%, I went to him to try and have a mature conversation about my gut feelings and told him “I think I’m jealous of her but I don’t want to be, I’m concerned you may have feelings for her.” The mature conversation turned into me having two black eyes and a busted lip… for a week. Went to college like that and not a single person said a thing to me or asked me if I was okay.
he lied about what happened and i foolishly believed him 🙃 his ex stalked and pulled up on him to get him back- they both cheated on their partners during this all and knew i didnt know the truth- i had a random gut feeling months later and went through his phone, learned the truth and moved out. i learned to set boundaries and put myself first afterwards. we tried to work through it but i had walls up and couldn’t get past the betrayal so it had to end. someone who loves you would never hurt you, and i care for him i just dont love him anymore. it took time and im glad i was forgiving and patient with myself
that goes from “he ghost me for the week-end because i didn’t answer the first and only time he called” to
“i slept on the couch when i was pregnant, because he snore like hell, then he invite his mother+BF and his other daughter for 3 weeks, so i couldn’t even sleep on the couch anymore. i asked that his mom & BF spend ONE night in a hostel, so i can rest before a new week of work, and he just lie and told ”it’s all full””
oh and when i actually had his kid, he invited his mom/BF+ his daughter again when the kid was 3 weeks, and didn’t care at all if his guests were sick or not.
or these was these time when he stops to talk to me for months in a row. (yes in front of the kid ) he’s harming with everyone else in the room, yet proceed to ignore me or show contempt to me
My ex-wife, with whom I lived less than pay check to pay check, wanted to have a kid and when I said we couldn’t afford it she said “babies don’t cost that much”.
Dude once criticized my choice of clothing to someone else, but in front of me when we had only just started dating. He confessed his reciprocated feelings for someone else after they told him, while in a relationship with me, and after telling me said it was “better to ask forgiveness than permission.” He then yelled at me for crying. He ghosted me for two days to hang out and get high with his friends for a “cell phone free” time. When he found out one of his friends had their “first time”, he was devastated when he assumed it was with his ex, but was totally fine when he found out it was with me, it was before we started dating but we discussed while dating. While me and my family were burying my auntie, he was off with his friends, again getting high. He was unemployed and gaming while I was working and paying all of the bills, we were living off of rice and ramen in a basement. If our roommates gave him money for rent to give to me, he would take from it. I could go on for ages, from sexual assault, threats of divorce to suicide and violence, but I did eventually leave and find happiness. My husband now is everything to me and I’m grateful every day for him.
He gave me so many reasons to leave and I wanted to keep the relationship going. For example, the last thing he did that really bothered me was when he spit in my face, threw hot water in my face, wouldn’t have sex with me for six months and then when he did we went through another six months without doing it. Didn’t leave him the moment I knew he had an opiate and suboxone problem. Every time he called me dense or simple. It was a 8 year relationship. He’s still an asshole today and coparenting is hell. He’s difficult almost always. And it’s like I can’t ever escape him treating me like absolute shit or making me feel like it. My children adore him and his girlfriend. Somehow I’m always feeling like I’m the one that should be nice to see if things change but nope. His girlfriend and him have been putting me through hell for six long years now
My friend told me she saw him on tinder and I believed him when he said he must not have completely deleted the account when we started dating a year earlier.
He blamed me for things he did wrong, and yet I stayed.
He isolated me from my friends and family, and yet I stayed.
He couldn’t hold a job and always blamed it on someone else, and yet I stayed.
He yelled and swore at me, and yet I stayed.
He laughed when his friends said mean things about me, and yet I stayed.
He spent all my money and made me cover all the bills, and yet I stayed.
He broke my things, he punched the walls, and yet I stayed.
The neighbors called the police, the police called for back up and took him away, and yet I stayed.
He’d whisper “You know I’d kill you if you ever left”, and yet I stayed.
He threw things at me, he held me down and screamed in my face, and yet I stayed.
My family begged me to leave him, and yet I stayed.
He broke down the door I’d locked to try and keep myself safe, held me by the throat and told me all the ways he could kill me, and yet I stayed.
He ignored me as my health disintegrated and I begged him to take me to hospital, I was too weak, I had to stay.
The Drs told him I would probably not make it through the night and he didn’t stay. He went away to drink and get high.
I was in hospital for weeks. I needed someone to care for me. To help me. He didn’t stay.
When I was well enough to go home, I changed the locks, I packed his things and told him he was no longer welcome.
He begged me, said he would change. He convinced me to go to couples counseling.
The councilor asked me why I stayed. I had no answer, no reason. This made him angry, he threw a chair at the councilor and stormed away.
I still can’t answer why I stayed. There were so many times I should have left. I kept thinking “but he didn’t hit me” but you know what, “doesn’t hit me” isn’t good enough, it’s the bare basics of a human interaction. It’s ok to walk away at any time for any or no reason.
Comments
Too many. When the girl I suspected he was having an affair with poured a drink on me at the bar and he defended her, when he reached out to not one but TWO girls on insta telling them to visit him, when I found him texting another woman under his friend’s name… ‘jrod’… just too many.
But when I saw he followed the girl who poured a drink on me on insta, the lock broke and I finally left. 🤍
Do you have a few hours? 🥲 My ability to stay loyal to someone abusive should be studied
I stayed when he was secretly liking other girls’ nude and/or sexy photos, I stayed when he lied and told me he wasn’t using OF to check and look for pictures of girls but turns out, he has an account. Also, I stayed and beg for him even though he wanted to break up with me for so many times in the span of our 5 yrs relationship, and lastly, I stayed even though he never defended me from his family 😅
He cheated and yet I stayed.. for almost 2 years. He cheated on me first quarter of 2023 and was only able to leave that relationship last year.
Would disappeared to the bar for hours and usually overnight and would never tell me where he went and would act like I was crazy for just being curious how his night went. Got hey girlied post break up that he was going to her house lol
When he threw an object against a wall.
When he hit a door and called me a whore for no reason other than we had a row.
My life had gone to shit and he was the one thing keeping me afloat. He left me not long after anyway so I should have just dumped his ass right then.
Honestly, my list would be endless because of how badly my ex mistreated me. I would be a great case study for why someone remains loyal to another person who abuses them.
He fell in love with his best friend, confessed to them, lied to them about me being okay with them hanging out one on one in their bedrooms, lied to me saying they were just a friend, didnt say shit to me about any of his feelings, so i was completely in the dark. He told them he took an uber home when I was with him and drove him. Lied to them about being around me, and a series more of lies to keep us separatedand me unaware. And when it all got brought into the light, the friend attacked my character, our relationship, and more, and refused to communicate with me. And when i told him it was them or me, he told me that was cruel and unfair, and he wouldnt be able to live without his friend. I held firm, and then he fought me for 3 years in our relationship trying to get me to relax while he continued to ignore and push past every boundary i set. He was so upset i was leaving because we “didnt even get a chance to try”- i had been trying for so long
I truly wish i had left after finding it all out
I could jot down thousands of things. The times I was hurt, disrespected, humiliated and cheated on by the same guy. But as the saying goes, love is blind.
His brother told him to break up with me so id off myself.
Needless to say my boyfriend fully supports me, has pulled back heavily from his brother, and we are currently looking for a place of our own away from that toxicity.
I’m going through this right now, and I don’t know if I’m being delusional or not.
He has essentially lied to me about his views and opinions and kept his feelings bottled up for our entire three year relationship. He pretended to agree with me and that everything was fine between us because he feared losing me.
I can look past his differences, they are things that don’t need to affect our relationship. What hurts me is the fact that he lied to me on his views and feelings for our entire relationship, and yet I still love him.
So many, one that stands out, he was sexting someone online “for money” while at work, he did it again a few months later and that’s when i was done.
He told me he was in debt because he decided to use the credit card on stuff we didn’t need. Massive red flag, and yet I stayed.
When i found text messages between him and my friend telling her he’s in love with her and not me
and then him crying and pretending to throw up after
When he left for a month to live in the woods with one of my girls’ mom 🙄
First date, I said no repeatedly but he kept going. Stayed with him for 18 months
he told me that i’m not the most beautiful and i don’t deserve flowers, yet i stayed
There’s so many moments, but I suppose one of the most memorable was when he overdosed on drugs while we were in high school. He so clearly had a drug problem and his parents were in SUCH denial. I thought I could save him by staying with him. I should’ve just left after that and spared myself years of heartbreak and frustration.
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When he was in a drunken PTSD rage telling me I had no idea what be went thru in Iraq and demanded I learn self defense and twisted my middle finger so bad it swelled up and turned black and blue 🙄 the delulu was deluing hard for me.
he got skid marks on my duvet 😀
He quit job #3, without notice, without anything lined up, after my begging him to not do that to me again.
I did finally leave. But I can’t believe I tolerated that for so long.
My boyfriend lied to me for 5 years ( we weren’t dating officially couldn’t figure that part out) about his on and off girlfriend of 6 years. Instead of being honest. Wanted to have his cake and eat it too.. He only started giving an actual caring about me 7 months ago… that being said my self esteem is totally shattered, I don’t trust him anymore, and idk about this relationship
Oof there’s a lot with my recent ex. The ways he didn’t listen to my needs or respond with empathy, the comparison between me and his ex, the way i forgave him for constantly running when things got tough (i was depressed and he broke up with me (the first time)), i stayed even when he prioritised and spent all his money on a lads trip instead of prioritising our relationship and staying with me (the lack of money meant he had to move back home and we went long distance), when i found out on christmas that he had been lying to me for a year about something that he knew would hurt me and then laughed about it. the times when i asked for more effort and he said “i don’t need to try and chase you”, how when sex would hurt and i told him to stop he’d throw a pity part for himself and complain that i didn’t find him attractive, the same could be said when i said i was uncomfortable with phone sex. the list goes on (we broke up two months ago and he says im an abusive monster. i recognise how i hurt him but he has never acknowledged how all these situations made me feel)
Told me he didn’t love me & probably never would 😁
First time he hit me. Was on vacation far from home and I had to take a taxi to the airport to get away from him in the middle of the night. Slept at the airport until I could get a flight home. Somehow I let him convince me it was the alcohol and he’d get help. He didn’t, he hit me again.
When he talked me into getting an abortion at 18 because he didn’t want his kid out there but we couldn’t raise it ourselves. I still married him. I still had kids with him.
And again when he cheated on me after 15 years of marriage and while telling me he cheated then talked himself into being raped. By the end of that conversation, none of it was his fault.
But when I told him he raped me months later, he just scoffed and blew it off. Same circumstances (I didn’t say no, I just let it happen).
When he talked me into an open marriage that ended up only being open on his side.
When his side piece got pregnant, SWORE it was his and he talked her into an abortion.
After over 22 years, I finally left. That was a lesson learned.
I found the crack pipe in the bathroom and he said it wasn’t his…
this man planned to go on a university camping trip offering some sort of credit he needed for school (he’s a teacher) but in reality it was to go be with a woman he was interested in getting with…at a children’s event…..
When talked to another girl and I stayed.. he got physical and I still stayed.. still talking to my therapist bout it 😅🥲
When I stayed with someone who would shut me out after fights for days at a time.
When I continued friendships with people who clearly didn’t respect me.
Let’s just say I know my worth now.
My ex threw me across the room in front of my daughter when she was 2 years old. I picked myself up, dropped her off at day care, and went to work. I told myself “he didn’t really mean it.” Ha! Silly me. Stayed another 6 years after that.
He kept going with anal when I said that it hurt. I got up and showered and he was extremely apologetic. If it was a friend, I know what I’d call it, but I can’t as we were married for years by then and I don’t think it was intention to hurt me, and he didn’t do it again.. And I stayed. I left for other reasons, but not listening to my needs was the theme.
I stayed when I found out I had done the other woman’s makeup for a date she was going on, and it was with my boyfriend. We all worked together. He and I had just gotten back together after a few years. I blamed myself because of low self esteem, and having broken his heart before. We were together for another decade after that. Until I found out he never stopped screwing other women. Big shocker there/s.
He yelled at me and mocked me for crying. I stayed but only for a couple weeks because I was going through the denial phase that I had to break up with him
There were a lot.
At one point when we had dinner with his Mother, I had said there was something we needed to consider before getting married, I don’t remember the exact thing it was but I’ll never forget his face when he yelled “IF I MARRY YOU.” In front of his Mother who said nothing.
Oh gosh I have so many across so many relationships… I think the one I need to go with… he tried to sacrifice me to the Devil.
He told me I was a bit skinny for him and needed to gain 10 pounds. Meanwhile, he weighed less than I did. He also had a terrible pornography addiction which led him to have some unusual kinks like watching girls eat until they vomit. Cherry on top was him threatening suicide every time I tried leaving him.
His ex reached out to him after years of no contact and he went to meet her. They tried to rekindle their relationship but she ended up dumping him again. He only told me about it after he got dumped and cried in my lap telling me that I cannot get mad or else it’ll only mean that I’m with him for what he can give me, which was nothing, and not because I love him. I’m glad it’s over and he’s long gone
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Got mad at me for posting a selfie because it had to be for male attention, said I had a crush on his friend because I talked to him, put me down for my career (when I was telling him how proud I was)
There’s too many to county but one of the more embarrassing…. his ex fiancé was getting married the next morning and he wanted to call her because he heard there might be a recall for a car she drove 5 years ago. I told him that might be weird and then he refused to talk to me for hours.
I got pregnant and we decided to go for an abortion. A week before the abortion we got drunk together and he shoved me into a ditch, laughing, while saying “I shoved my pregnant girl into a ditch”,and spent the entire rest of the evening yelling to my face that I was a cheating whore. Stayed for five years after that, and yes, It got worse.
This is so petty, but when we went to a buffet that was advertising two takeout trays to go that you could fill to the brim when you left. For people who don’t know: taking leftover from a buffet, let alone an entire plate, is not usually allowed.
My broke and pregnant self had my take-home tray all planned out as I happily ate my buffet lunch. I was gonna have dinner tonight too! I didn’t know he planned to keep both for himself til after we were done eating, and I went to grab one. He snatched them both up and walked to the buffet without saying a word. I sat there and quietly cried (pregnancy hormones).
Cheated on me with a friend, had an active account on POF, had at least 3 people tell me that he was cheating on me with multiple women. In my defence this relationship was during the ages 16-19
When he told me about a coworker’s ass
My finance’s parents sat me down and berated me for what felt like hours (It may have been an hour, may have been 20 minutes) about how I am not good enough for their son, how I wasn’t religious enough for their son, how I wasn’t smart enough for their son. He sat at the table and didn’t say a word. On the drive home I sat and planned out how to pack and fly back home.
His mother called about 10 minutes later while we were on our way home and asked us to come back. I was so down and depressed I just said fine. Out of the blue she apologized for what she had said and promised to try harder. I am very quick to forgive an apology.
I didn’t leave. I should have left that moment. Everything would be different if I just went home and packed and never looked back.
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I passed out with my boyfriend on a bed during a party. Woke up and he was getting a blowjob from my friend. He said I said it was okay? But I was passed out? And I stayed for 3 more years:
When he would belittle me and yell at me during arguments
He’s a fucboi but I see potential. He’s quite a gentleman but not really where I want him to be. He’s someone I was trying to see if the potential matched up and I knew it wasn’t going to last forever and yet I stayed.
Realized he was an alcoholic. I stayed
Cheated with trash, I stayed
Got a DUI, picked him up from jail, put him on a plane to rehab. 11 peaceful months. Fell off the wagon hard. I stayed
Cheated and lied again, 6 different women. I am detaching.
He was my first relationship after my husband died and I loved him so much. Still do but fuck this
My ex and another girl literally sexually assaulted me and I stayed. He then broke up with me a week later because “I’m abusive”. I scratched and drew blood from his arm while he was holding me down that night 🥰
He hit me, stole my medication, and cheated on me 3 times. Yet I stayed. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. I eventually got a domestic abuse restraining order
Okay let’s go! It was January 2020.
I was to excited about NY holidays (and I desperately wanted to fuck 🥲). I texted to all my Tinder matches with message “let’s have some fun tonight, let’s go out”. I got only one response (from a curly blonde guy with blue like sky eyes!) to have a date next weekends.
So I went to the club all by myself. I was drinking, I was dancing, I met nobody to fuck. But then I suddenly see the guy I talked before – this curly blonde guy. I was to drunk and spontaneously lost him in a crowd. Then I decided to text him something like “yo im at this barbecue right now seeing you, is it you, where are you?”. I got no response and after about an hour went outside to have a cigarette and go home.
And at the moment I walked out of a bar and saw him – this curly blonde guy – again!
Breath in and out, I went to talk to him.
Blah blah blah one more beer and we were on a way to his place.
We were walking to the nearest Underground station when we stopped and he take my hand and said:
“Fuck my life” – was a thought in my head. But his place was near a place of my morning meeting, so yet I stayed (1).
We get to his station, up to the surface and I saw this “an industrial area with no traces of living-buildings”.
And yet I stayed (2).
We walked up the stairs, enter a loft and he said:
I opened the door, it was dark out there. But I saw this: 16 occupied single beds, and all occupied by men!
And yet I stayed (3)
This blonde guy walked to the room, showed me the bad and we lie down. He immediately started to make out with me (but what about an asexuality???).
I told him to leave me alone, and he felt asleep in exact moments.
Then I realised all the shit around me, got my clothes and run away as fast as possible.
I was disgust, I feel ashamed. So I received a message from him the next day but leave it without answer.
After about 2 weeks I was ready to open Tinder again and read his message. I was shocked after reading. More than that, I was actually fucking scared.
The message was:
And then I realised: I was too drunk and too unlucky to meet to Beautiful Curly Blonde Guy With Sky-blue Eyes. And this shitbag at a bar just wanted to took advantage of me. But he was much drunker than me, if he felt asleep and I run out.
That moment I didn’t know, but I had a Bipolar disorder, and such behaviour was a regular thing.
That’s my “and yet I stayed” story. Don’t wish it to anyone!
Said that he felt like throwing his knife at me after I cooked him a nice dinner, blamed it on depression when I got upset. I believed him.
On the other hand, he once came home to me still in bed after he finished work because I was depressed my job cut my hours, and proceeded to start a fight with me about how useless I was. While I was crying he said he knew I would be this way when he got home, so he spent the whole commute home planning the argument.
When I found out she was sleeping with one of her employees, saw a text she sent a mutual friend which stated she was “not even sorry” about it AND she asked if she and the employee could still hang out after we reconciled.
Feel free to roast me.
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There were countless times. But the two worst were when he stayed out until 5/6 am. Checked him phone and there was pics of him with 2 topless girls in a hot tub. And he tried saying “you don’t even know what you were looking at”
About a week or so later, I checked his phone at a bbq we were at and 3 separate girls were sending him nudes. I went home and he didn’t come home until 2 am, and woke me up screaming about an inch away from my face for like 2 hours, while his friend just sat in the living room and watched. I called his mom to pick him or me up, cuz I had taken my Seroquel so I was too out of it to drive. And of course, she wouldn’t.
I moved out that weekend into my parents house, we were seeing eachother again within probably 2 or 3 months. This went on for close to 4 years, from when I was 17 to 21.
Damn where do I even start? My ex who (micro)cheated on me or my boyfriend who (micro)cheated on me? Lol
-He would say the n word (as a white man).
-I was coerced into sex numerous times.
-Wouldn’t stop (anything) even if I said “no” “knock it off” “stop”.
-Had me watch a movie that involved sexual abuse and when I sobbed at the end, he asked me what’s wrong??? (Despite knowing my abuse when I was a kid).
-Told me I should give up my parents’ guardianship of me to his mother so he wouldn’t have to pay for student housing and we could live together (that was a clusterfuck I can’t believe I fell for).
-Made me block all of my friends because they “were bad for me”.
After I suffered an 8 week miscarriage* he looked after me quite well for 2 weeks or so, then a few months went by and we were in the back of an Uber home after a few drinks together at a pub, he was annoyed the table next to us was making conversation with us, he says “you should stop being so fucking friendly all the time that’s how you end up pregnant” we’d already been together 1.5 years here. His comment didn’t even make sense. I stayed another year. It was an abortion, I went and got it behind his back because he was like this. Still stayed another year ( I think I ‘left’ him a total of 7 times before the big break down/ through )
There’s definitely a lot but my biggest was probably when I was his secret girlfriend for 3 years.
He held a knife and “playfully” chased me around with it to terrorize me. It was so many levels of fucked up, but the brainwashing and abuse wore away at my self worth and understanding of what was normal and not normal. (I eventually did safely leave.)
my bestfriend was treating me badly for months & she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong (even though i kept checking with her and asking WHAT i was doing wrong) and just kept slowly giving me excuses & withdrawing herself
at first it was that she couldn’t mentally handle anything (like going out with anyone supposedly) and then it turned into that she didn’t like how close we were, then it was that i was too draining to be around, etc.
throughout all this, everything she said she couldn’t do with anyone – she would do with other friends but not me
we used to be so close that people would associate us together, they would tell us their personal secrets and specify that we could tell each other
anyway, eventually, i got sick of all of it, i was tired of constantly getting hurt by her actions, of crying and begging her over and over to tell me what’s wrong and what i’ve done so i distanced myself as well
I realized after, I made a lot of mistakes – i went through a lot of our chats – i was always expecting her to reply in a certain way & when she wouldn’t, I would get more hurt. which was incredibly unfair to her,
but she never changed her behaviour no matter how many times I told her I simply needed her company – i just needed human connection
turns out, she felt that she couldn’t tell me anything anymore because everytime she would tell me she went out with a friend, i would question her – because she had told me she couldn’t mentally do that so how is it possible that she could do that for them and not me?
this lead to her not trusting me anymore, she would get scared i’d attack her, started assuming i would want the worst for her, the lack of honesty, etc.
it was a lot of one thing that lead to the other, it could’ve been taken care of had she told me the truth from the beginning – that she didn’t want to be close to me anymore, that she didn’t like the way i was acting, but she let me believe it was my fault for months
we’re still friends, she texts me and tries to keep in contact, i still love her with my whole heart & soul but it’ll never be the same as it once was.
I don’t think i’ve truly forgiven all that she has done yet, and I don’t think she has forgiven me either but we both know it’ll take time and we’re just trying to slowly work through this… slowly but surely
The typical caught him cheating and still stayed
so very many. a couple i can think of:
called me a wh:re when i got any piercings or tattoo’s
blew up my phone and accused me of cheating when i didn’t respond right away (either at work, or with friends which he’d know about)
demanded my location
i got a new car because my previous one kept braking down anytime i drove it, and he said i had “wasted ‘our future money’ because i was being an impatient and selfish b:tch”
looked through my phone when i was sleeping, took pictures of anything that looked questionable and then sent it to me the following morning while i was at work and picked a fight with me over it
-didn’t like it when i dressed up or did my makeup because then im just “asking for it” whatever tf he meant by that.. i didn’t wanna look too much into it because why would someone say that.
-beg me for intimacy and got mad at me and tried guilt tripping me if i said i didn’t want to. i work incredibly long hours and do physical labor (work with race horses) on a daily basis and get a day off every other week if i was lucky, so no, i wasn’t physically or mentally in the mood for any of it.
-didn’t defend me when his friends spoke about me negatively
-would get mad at me when i spoke about how i felt.
-towards the end of the relationship, he started getting aggressive with me and snatched my phone out of my hands on multiple occasions and literally held me down so i couldn’t move. now it’s hard for me to cuddle with my now S/O without feeling a slight sense of panic if he holds me too tightly
will continue to add if i think of any!
The date rape.
He disrespected me in very subtle “friendly” ways. Now that I think of it, I can’t believe I stayed thinking he was into me too. Secondly, It wasn’t even friendly at all.
He got someone else pregnant…and yeah
edit: wanted to add: we are NOT still together lol
How much time do we have???
Yeah. The list is too long, and makes me sound so appallingly stupid. Short answer is my son, who loved his dad. Long answer takes in the whole Judeo-Christian tradition of women and their place.
Cheated on me with the neighbor. Before I knew 100%, I went to him to try and have a mature conversation about my gut feelings and told him “I think I’m jealous of her but I don’t want to be, I’m concerned you may have feelings for her.” The mature conversation turned into me having two black eyes and a busted lip… for a week. Went to college like that and not a single person said a thing to me or asked me if I was okay.
he lied about what happened and i foolishly believed him 🙃 his ex stalked and pulled up on him to get him back- they both cheated on their partners during this all and knew i didnt know the truth- i had a random gut feeling months later and went through his phone, learned the truth and moved out. i learned to set boundaries and put myself first afterwards. we tried to work through it but i had walls up and couldn’t get past the betrayal so it had to end. someone who loves you would never hurt you, and i care for him i just dont love him anymore. it took time and im glad i was forgiving and patient with myself
Too many! But that’s behind me now.
The first I can think of is when he used my computer I bought for my first teaching job to look at porn.
honestly i could write a saga.
that goes from “he ghost me for the week-end because i didn’t answer the first and only time he called” to
“i slept on the couch when i was pregnant, because he snore like hell, then he invite his mother+BF and his other daughter for 3 weeks, so i couldn’t even sleep on the couch anymore. i asked that his mom & BF spend ONE night in a hostel, so i can rest before a new week of work, and he just lie and told ”it’s all full””
oh and when i actually had his kid, he invited his mom/BF+ his daughter again when the kid was 3 weeks, and didn’t care at all if his guests were sick or not.
or these was these time when he stops to talk to me for months in a row. (yes in front of the kid ) he’s harming with everyone else in the room, yet proceed to ignore me or show contempt to me
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He told me he didn’t find me beautiful when we were having sex; he viewed me more as a sexual object when having sex. I was 19. He was 24.
My ex-wife, with whom I lived less than pay check to pay check, wanted to have a kid and when I said we couldn’t afford it she said “babies don’t cost that much”.
And yet I stayed.
On our honeymoon to Vegas there was one seat available to upgrade to in First Class and he took it. I sat in Coach.
I stayed far longer than anyone should have.
When he would call me a child or scold me and walk away from me. So much emotional abuse I accepted all the blame for 🥲
They cheated and also admitted that they talked bad about me and my appearance with the other person… yeah low moment for me
When he raped me
Dude once criticized my choice of clothing to someone else, but in front of me when we had only just started dating. He confessed his reciprocated feelings for someone else after they told him, while in a relationship with me, and after telling me said it was “better to ask forgiveness than permission.” He then yelled at me for crying. He ghosted me for two days to hang out and get high with his friends for a “cell phone free” time. When he found out one of his friends had their “first time”, he was devastated when he assumed it was with his ex, but was totally fine when he found out it was with me, it was before we started dating but we discussed while dating. While me and my family were burying my auntie, he was off with his friends, again getting high. He was unemployed and gaming while I was working and paying all of the bills, we were living off of rice and ramen in a basement. If our roommates gave him money for rent to give to me, he would take from it. I could go on for ages, from sexual assault, threats of divorce to suicide and violence, but I did eventually leave and find happiness. My husband now is everything to me and I’m grateful every day for him.
he hit me. i would’ve stayed through everything else; but i knew that he would eventually kill me once he started hitting me.
He gave me so many reasons to leave and I wanted to keep the relationship going. For example, the last thing he did that really bothered me was when he spit in my face, threw hot water in my face, wouldn’t have sex with me for six months and then when he did we went through another six months without doing it. Didn’t leave him the moment I knew he had an opiate and suboxone problem. Every time he called me dense or simple. It was a 8 year relationship. He’s still an asshole today and coparenting is hell. He’s difficult almost always. And it’s like I can’t ever escape him treating me like absolute shit or making me feel like it. My children adore him and his girlfriend. Somehow I’m always feeling like I’m the one that should be nice to see if things change but nope. His girlfriend and him have been putting me through hell for six long years now
My friend told me she saw him on tinder and I believed him when he said he must not have completely deleted the account when we started dating a year earlier.
He blamed me for things he did wrong, and yet I stayed.
He isolated me from my friends and family, and yet I stayed.
He couldn’t hold a job and always blamed it on someone else, and yet I stayed.
He yelled and swore at me, and yet I stayed.
He laughed when his friends said mean things about me, and yet I stayed.
He spent all my money and made me cover all the bills, and yet I stayed.
He broke my things, he punched the walls, and yet I stayed.
The neighbors called the police, the police called for back up and took him away, and yet I stayed.
He’d whisper “You know I’d kill you if you ever left”, and yet I stayed.
He threw things at me, he held me down and screamed in my face, and yet I stayed.
My family begged me to leave him, and yet I stayed.
He broke down the door I’d locked to try and keep myself safe, held me by the throat and told me all the ways he could kill me, and yet I stayed.
He ignored me as my health disintegrated and I begged him to take me to hospital, I was too weak, I had to stay.
The Drs told him I would probably not make it through the night and he didn’t stay. He went away to drink and get high.
I was in hospital for weeks. I needed someone to care for me. To help me. He didn’t stay.
When I was well enough to go home, I changed the locks, I packed his things and told him he was no longer welcome.
He begged me, said he would change. He convinced me to go to couples counseling.
The councilor asked me why I stayed. I had no answer, no reason. This made him angry, he threw a chair at the councilor and stormed away.
I still can’t answer why I stayed. There were so many times I should have left. I kept thinking “but he didn’t hit me” but you know what, “doesn’t hit me” isn’t good enough, it’s the bare basics of a human interaction. It’s ok to walk away at any time for any or no reason.
I didnt get the chance to stay.they left me lol. I had to beg them to stay.