A few years ago I bought one of those Ancestry kits because they were on sale for Christmas and how fun would it be to find out how Irish I really am (redhead). Jokes on me I’m not that Irish and a close relative came up that I had never heard of as well as people on my Moms side. So I called her up to ask if she had heard of someone with the last name that came up. She said oh yeah I had a co worker named that why.
I stopped the questioning right there shut the door and locked it and decided I wasn’t going to think or look anymore on the issue.
A few weeks later my mom came to my house and word vomited the secret she kept from everyone. She had a second affair with my dad ( I knew of one because he’s my step dad). Apparently she couldn’t let herself think that I could possibly be this other guys that she wanted to believe I was my dads. But she. But she felt to guilty once I took the test. She begged me not to tell anyone for her own selfish reasons. Mostly being that she had a good relationship with my dad and step mom. I refused and told my dad shortly after. This man raised me after they divorced and he had most of the custody. I only saw my mom every other weekend. My dad’s response to the news. He always figured but didn’t care because I’d always be his.
This whole thing has put so much pain on me and so much doubt in my already anxious head. I’ve tried to move one and heal but it wasn’t in the cards.
I got a message on the ancestry site which ended up being nothing but it just made me curious. So I looked into my birth father or what I could with publicly disclosed information on Facebook. Mostly that he has a genetic disorder that took his vision and he has two sons one in which also is legally blind from the disorder.
My whole life I’ve had vision issues and recently they found issues with my optic nerve. So I tried to see a genetics and re see a opthomologist who has referred me to neuro opthomolgy. It’s been since 7/24 that I discovered my birth father had something and I’m still no closer to answers. I’m scared and honestly just have so much on my shoulders it hurts.
So much of the story has been left out but I just needed to get it out somewhere.
Comments
Wow! That’s a lot to process. Hopefully this discovery helps you in finding more your medical history. Your dad is a great guy and it’s great that this news didn’t impact your relationship.
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with all that. We have a bad genetic disorder in our family but it has finally run its course. No one else inherited that damn gene. I hope that your vision issues are not related to bio dad and so happy that you have a very supportive true father. Take care. 💞
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know from personal experience how world shattering this discovery is. It’s been just over a year for me, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. My mom knew I had bought a DNA test and still didn’t tell me. I had to get my brother (who I now know is my half-brother) to also take a test to verify what I knew in my heart was true. I had a good relationship with my mom before this, and now I no longer trust her. If you can’t trust your own mom, who can you trust? It’s heartbreaking. The story is too long to tell, but it turns out I knew my real father because he’s a family friend. Now I’m trying to get to know him as my dad with little time left. He’s 80 years old and in bad health. I’m thankful to know my real medical history now. That’s vital information as you well know. I hope you are able to her your eyes taken care of easily and that you find healing for your heart as well. It’s such a messed up situation.
Remember that your dad suspected but he turned up every day to be your dad. He’s your really dad. He loves you. Don’t doubt that.
It’s worth considering if you need to know your genetic history, it sounds like you don’t.
Medical history is the exact reason I’m for telling people who their parents are, even if that means ending an illusion.
It is a necessity that people know their family medical history.
You have been, and are, and will be, loved by the man who raised you. That is a real privilege.
The vision problems are now known and can be explored further by medics.
You have a lot to deal with. Therapy can help you work through the stuff you are experiencing just now, but know that you are loved beyond biology. You are loved because you are you.
I’m so sorry, OP. I am grateful that at least you know now who your biological father is, though. Because it is important to know where we come from, especially on a genetic level. We get so much from our biological fathers when we are being created. I had to go through something similar. In my case, I have a relationship with my father now. As well as the Stepdad(daddy) who raised me, and my Papa(mom’s husband). My two stepdad are best friends now, too. We’ve been lucky that way.
I hope you find the answers and the peace that you need to heal. And whatever YOU decide to do, THAT’S the right thing. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to feel about this, or how to handle it. Because unless they have been through it, the best they can do is sympathize. Which is great. But in your gut, you’ll know what the right thing is when you get to it. Having a good support system helps. Mine wasn’t completely supportive in the very beginning. But the second we got those DNA Results, and they were positive, just like I knew with every fiber of my being that they would be, everyone started getting along great. My point is don’t give up hope that you will get better, you will get answers. Good luck.