Last night my (M18) GF (F18) told me that she imagines watching lesbian porn when I’m giving her head. She told me this because we were “being vulnerable” while drunk and I had just told her I was sexually assaulted as a child. That part isn’t really what makes me upset, I honestly just don’t understand why she would tell me.
She says she’s been feeling really bad about it and would want me to tell her if I was doing something similar. She told me she wanted to work through it as a couple. I got really upset and told her there’s nothing that can be done about that other than me going more gentle which is what she really likes. She said she hadn’t done it in about two weeks because one time it was really good but it’s still been weighing her down.
Honestly since last night that’s all I’ve been able to think about I don’t know how we’re gonna continue to have sex, I really just don’t understand why she would tell me, writing this out I feel like I sound immature but it really hurts and I feel like next time we do anything all that will be on my mind is that she might be imagining lesbian porn.
Comments
Newsflash: your GF is bi. Accept it and live with it or don’t and go find someone else. You’re 18, lotta life left.
What is the upsetting part for you? That she imagines a woman doing it? Just to understand better
She could be bi curious and just never set down and fully unpacked it.
I would say you’re being insecure, but you’re still mentally a child, so I’ll give a pass on that.
Is she just imagining porn it’s self, or other person other than you when your going down on her?
Maybe you just need some more practice?
Why are you angry? My wife enjoys watching porn while I eat her out. Who cares? Let her enjoy it and don’t be a baby and complain about how she gets off? XD
Let it go. It’s all in your head. There’s no such thing as the thought police. Try something different and put on some porn together while you’re feeling frisky. I promise you, learning to let go of the insecurity and embracing the shared vulnerability will make your life better. I wish I knew what I know now at your age about insecurity.
What are these comments? He’s upset because his significant other told him she imagines someone else getting her off sexually?? I would be PISSED if my boyfriend told me he imagined another girl giving him head while I’M THE ONE DOING IT. It would make me feel so undesired. It would make me feel like he prefers someone else over me… this would be a deal breaker for me personally. That would hurt my heart so bad.
Not that deep pal.
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Does she usually have trouble climaxing? Women can have more difficulty finishing and may need extra help sometimes, including letting their mind wander. I wouldn’t fault her for that on its own BUT she should not have let that slip to you at all. Especially after you telling her about your childhood SA, like wtf made her think this was an appropriate thing to say at all, let alone at this point in the conversation?
Truth is this: you care about what you care about.
Anyone insulting you in the comments does not have the intention of helping you. The human brain wraps up development at 24-25. Imagine adults calling you immature when you, by definition, haven’t finished maturing. It’s ironically immature of them.
You get to decide what you like and don’t like. Some people don’t care, some do. That doesn’t make any of them right or wrong. It sounds like this bothers you. That’s ok.
I regularly fantasize about various scenarios (sometimes with him, usually not) while having sex with my husband. He has told me he does the same. We have amazing sex. I don’t see why this is such a big deal?
Personally I wouldn’t give a fuck. I like when my partner enjoys herself.
These comments are weird to me. The issue is she’s not into him when he’s going down on her and instead thinking of the porn. If you flipped the genders in this post, I don’t think people would say “you might need more practice giving head” or “that’s insecurity”.
I can confirm I do the same thing. It’s no disrespect to my man at all. I just cannot get aroused by people I actually know. Idk what it is but I just have to imagine people I’ve seen in porn or tv or something cuz I don’t know them. It’s that simple.
If you’re down there eating her out like its a box salad with no dressing. It probably doesn’t feel so good for her.
This comment section is full of assholes who wouldn’t be saying the same if the genders were reversed
The depth of these comments discussing 18 year old sex is wild
You shared something painfully traumatic, lifetime trauma.. and she thought that was the appropriate time to talk about something she feels guilty about? OP, she saw you being emotionally vulnerable and hurting, and she flipped it back to herself. That was extremely selfish.
Whether or not it’s appropriate what she’s doing, making your story about her? That was unacceptable for someone who loves you to do.
I think this is a Pavlovian effect. She’s taught this to herself by watching porn and going wacka-wacka. No biggie.
That’s the worst thing ever… idk how others feel but I can’t even read smut without imaging the main character as my boyfriend. So I can totally understand why you’re upset over this! I think it’s a good thing that she wants to work in fixing it tho. Y’all are still young! It could be a porn addiction issue.
The older I get the more I think “wow, young people problems”
well would you look at all these Reddit losers talking about an 18 year old’s oral being “bad.” now y’all know fr that if OP was a woman you’d be talking about “awhhh— another man with a porn addiction, leave him! At least you’re still young!”
fuckin yuck to everyone being an asshole in these comments.
OP— so sorry about your assault. I hope you’re healing and are seeking help to process if you need it, I’m also sorry your partner shared something not related to the conversation at all that’s made more upset while you were vulnerable.
PS— you can leave any relationship for any reason. If you’re unhappy, you have no obligation to stay. Best wishes.
The people In these comments are so weird. This is actually so so awful and would give me trust issues like a MF!!! She could’ve simply just not told you this. For the people In the comments we all know damn well if genders were reversed and it was a man imagining gay porn you’d all be like “guess what girl he’s gay!” Or “LEAVE HIS ASS” bffr y’all.
Never, ever, share a truth that would hurt your partner if you don’t have to. Sure, nobody wants to hear your partner isn’t 100% with you during sex – but the hard truth is it’s really none of their business. If either of you requires a fantasy to enjoy the other that’s definitely an issue, but inviting the Thought Police isn’t any better.
This is a terrible fucking comment section.
Stop watching porn, it damages your brain.
Wow, I genuinely don’t understand this one. I don’t understand the upset. Having sex and one person imagines something sexual? Okay…
I kind of reminds me of something that i red in a book and from what i remember is that thinking about lesbian porn while getting oral doesn’t automatically mean something’s wrong. Sometimes fantasies are just that random, taboo, or exciting precisely because they feel off-limits. It could also be her mind’s way of exploring things she’s curious about or dealing with deeper stuff like relationship doubts or emotional intimacy.
The thing is not to freak out or judge. The more she tries not to think about it, the more her brain latches onto it (like the classic “don’t think about a blue elephant ” thing). So instead of fighting it, she could just accept it as a fantasy. That usually takes away its power and after a little while she might stop having those thoughts all together
But if it starts to feel like more than a passing thought like a real desire or if it’s getting in the way of enjoying everything she should start thinking about wether something deeper is going on. Otherwise, it’s probably just her brain being human.
Well it’s obvious she doesn’t like giving you head so she’s imagining something else to help her through it. I like going down on my wife but after awhile your mind wanders because you’re doing a mindless activity with no benefit to yourself so it’s hard to get all excited and in the girls case it’s even harder to do.
I get being hurt but sit back, realize that you are upset about not getting head the way you want it exactly and completely ignoring the fact that you are getting head, relax.
If she was saying she was doing this throughout every sexual activity I’d understand being hurt but if it’s just head either you get over it and let her do it in her own way or maybe stop making the woman do something she’s clearly not into just to please you.
I imagine porn when my wife goes down on me. And my wife have her on lesbian fantasies (in which she is the male) when I go down on her. I don’t see an issue
babe your gf may be closeted and trying to repress herself. Which doesn’t make her a bad person but does mean your relationship may not serve both of you the way you guys need!! Your worth is independent of her perception and I’m sorry that in such a vulnerable moment you were lowkey sexually rejected. Good luck and sending love and light ❤️❤️❤️
Leave
Turn into the drift. Make a porn
I fear it may be better to breakup
The only issue I’m seeing is the timing of saying something following what you said.
People have fantasies in their minds while having sex. That’s normal. People need to mature more before having sex.
My wife is enthusiastic about my ability with her. Sometimes she plays out a fantasy about me and sometimes she fantasizes about lesbian porn. Because she’s bi and likes titties.
She should work on her delivery.
You deserve better, friend.
yikes wtf. im sorry this is happening to you. honestly that seems really inconsiderate to me id recommend talking more about it… or straight up leaving
Don’t be so insecure, like you don’t fantasize during sex.
She really compared your CSA on the same level as her having trouble climaxing. That’s vile. I remember when disclosing my COCSA to an ex boyfriend and he asked if I liked it. Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t dump him for that, but my self esteem was in the gutter. I don’t think this is the type of situation you can come back from
Talk to her and let her know how you feel about what she said. She will not know how or why to correct her behavior otherwise.
I honestly don’t think this alone is a huge deal one way or another, nor would it be if genders were swapped. It’s a potential issue if she’s actually a lesbian and that’s why she imagines that porn, but I think it’s fairly prudish to act like you have one and only one person you can be attracted to. Plenty of adults have a “hall pass” system with their spouses, almost always this is a joke because the chances of your wife getting it on with Brad Pitt is effectively zero, but I consider that the same principle at play regarding imagining a porn scene during sex. It’s also incredibly normal to look at porn, some even do with their SO. And honestly anything that helps someone enjoy head I say go for it, the whole point is to get them prepped and ready (or outright get them off) so if something else assists there, I say that’s good.
Personally, I have the absolute opposite issue, my girlfriend has no interest in porn, has never watched it, never imagines anything of the sort, and you know what life is like here? Absolutely no sex life because she’s entirely cut off from that subject of thought. So my personal opinion is maybe be a little worried about the chances of her actually being a lesbian, but enjoy any benefits you can get otherwise.
Thing is that you guys are 18, the chances of this being your “one true love” (which I think is nonsense anyway) is quite low. Enjoy each other, have fun, learn about yourself and being with others in an intimate scenario. There are far worse things and far more real red flags in a relationship. And you’re also 18, you are guaranteed to do some real dumb shit in a relationship at 18, and again, this is pretty low on the list of “dumb shit” to occur in a relationship at that age.
The only thing i care / think about giving head is my GF. She is my star…she is the one i want most of all the others. She is the one…the only one i want to go down on..and during it…well in my thoughts there is no room “for anybody / everything” else…cause all my senses are filled with her…my taste, my smell, my touch, warmth, sweetness, wetness, the sounds she makes, the way she moves her body, my hands gliding up and down her body…thats an all overwhelming experience and there is no room in my head for anything else ..
I can’t look in my GFs / Partners head while doing it…but i feel her feedback on my…is she desinterested or “all in” thats a difference one should feel…no matter if you are the male or female part in this situation…
Your senses should feel that overwhelming beauty and intensity of the moment…wanting each other as bad as it could be…a feeling that motivates you to release all you got inside and then you feel time standing still…
All there is is she and you…nothing else…in a moment of pulsating extase..all your senses are fixed on her…you let your shield down…you are vulnerable and at your strongest the same time…
She should feel the same…getting it from the one she desires…the warmth of your tounge touching her…gentle kisses and sucking….your tongue like just a tool to get her to the hights she desires so much whenever she thinks of beeing with you.. its a little bubble for some time with only you two inside letting go of all morals and thoughts… just a magic moment of pure lust between two young lovers who want nothing at all then each other…
I would never question ones skills when it comes to lovemaking…but if she is thinking of anything but you…thats not the best situation and if you really care for each other….you should work on that….
Talk to her and ask why her desires are not fullfilled by you…and listen close to the answere….