Throwaway so I can freely express myself. Tldr below
Hi! So I’m 20 and I grew up sheltered in a strict Mormon household, all girls school, not much exposure to dating or anything remotely sexual. I always kind of assumed I was asexual. I never really felt anything, and I was fine with that. (Thanks tumblr)
Then I went to college, moved out on my own, met some amazing friends, and started actually living a little. Still….romance or sex never really crossed my mind even being surrounded by guys. I just didn’t think I was wired that way.. sex wasn’t part of my programming….
Cut to last December I was at a small gathering with friends, and one of my guy friends (who’s genuinely the sweetest) casually asked me why he’s never seen me dating. I told him I was asexual but also still a virgin. And he very kindly asked, “But… how do you know if you haven’t tried anything?” And that question just stuck with me.
Two months later, we were talking again and the subject came up and I surprised even myself by saying I wanted to try….With him if he didn’t mind. I’m not attracted to him (he’s alternative) and he’s my friend. I trusted him and he agreed. We ended up sleeping together and… oh. Oh. So apparently I’m not asexual. Not even close! The sex was great maybe little too great….
And now? I feel like I’ve become this completely different person. I want him all the time. I think about him constantly. The physical need is out of control. It’s like my body flipped a switch and now every little thing he does turns me on. The way he smells, the way he laughs, the way he talks , the way he looks at me. It’s ridiculous. I get flustered just hearing his voice. Why does he look sexy suddenly? Why does he smell sexy?? Why did I not see this before? Was I blind??
I can’t concentrate. I’ll be in class or walking home or brushing my teeth and suddenly I’m thinking about having sex with him lol. It hits me so hard. The ache is too much. And I can’t switch it off. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
We hook up once or twice a week, but honestly…I need more. I feel desperate. I don’t know how to say that without sounding crazy, but I want him all the time. I want to crawl into his lap and beg. How can I feel so addicted when I spent my whole life without sex or any kind of intimacy…surely this is not normal
How do people function like this…Is this what being sexually attracted to someone feels like? Because if so, wow. I was not prepared. And I have no idea how to talk to him about it without sounding desperate and needy. I don’t want to ruin this FWB dynamic by scaring him off with my desperation.
He’s ruining my mind and my ability to function. I’m laughing at myself…I feel so pathetic right now and needed this off my chest. Thank you.
Tldr I thought I was asexual turns out I’m very sexual.
Comments
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Repression is one hell of a drug, just don’t overdo it, as much fun as it is to just fuck and snug all day, it’s not sustainable long term.
This is normal! It’s because you were so repressed before.
I promote just clear and honest communication, always. I would share this with him. That you’re afraid of scaring him off or becoming too needy for him but that you’re sex obsessed right now. Honestly I’m sure he would feel so flattered that you can’t stop thinking about hooking up with him. If you want you can also ask him to be clear with you if he’s feeling suffocated instead of him creating distance “out of no where.”
I was also repressed and I had no idea how fun sex was or how good it felt. It balances out. But it never stops feeling good or being fun (with the right person).
Congrats – you’re alive! Enjoy. 😉
If you show him this post it’ll make his decade.
Just have fun. Try new things and all, but be safe in your sexploration
There’s a really interesting thing that typically the more repressed/restricted you were as a kid the more wild you are in your college years. I say that also as an ex Mormon kid from a very small town that went to a large party school in college.
Also the whole FWB thing if you want to keep it as it is and keep having sex you should probably just leave it how it is. Though it also sounds like you’re somewhat getting attracted to him as more than just a FWB which would definitely require a bigger conversation anyways
Now lets get to the jealousy part.. u know hes keeping himself open to sleep with other women right?
This is so normal and frankly, adorable. You just found sex is awesome and now you’re craving it, that is 100% normal.
Lol you’re like a dog getting off the leash for the first time. Holy shit balls this is what I’ve been missing!?
Pair bonding.
Most people had their teens to grow into their sexuality and understand their body and what it was like to be horny, to want sex, to not want it and so on. You never had that. Now it comes all at once, so it makes sense. Try to relax, somehow, and enjoy the way you feel. I would actually say that sex a few times per week is perfect for you, because it helps you understand everything much better.
This is really cute. I hope things work out between you two.
This is pretty normal, especially when you lose your virginity and it goes really well with someone you like who also sticks around. That’s a ton of undiscovered emotions, feelings and connections you just had that you have no idea how to navigate. Just enjoy the experience and try to figure out how to rebalance your life now that you have this feeling.
it’s called “dickmatization”. women’s body release some sort of bonding hormone (look it up) while we have sex. the more you do it the more you feel attached to someone. men actually do not have this same thing happen
Happy for You, enjoy your sexuality
Btw if it’s physical cravings for pleasure you can try self pleasure and see how that helps. It might give you a little balance. Also generally young people with their first get a little overwhelmed with new sensations let’s say so that is something else to ruminate on.
I was raised Roman Catholic. I met my now husband, when I was 17. We began dating about a year later, and the first time I had sex, I was so conflicted. I was terrified I was gonna burn but I also wanted to do it more 😅
Ahhh biology strikes again. Pesky thing it is. What you’re experiencing is a major overload of hormones. It would’ve happened to anyone you did it with. If that outs it into perspective. That’s why the first should be with someone you can be with a long time.
Hahaha, sounds normal to me. 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️🤣😂 Have fun but be safe! 👍🏾
You know, this can happen even to women who were not virgins. You thought you’ve had sex before, many times in fact. You’re used to guys wanting to have sex with you, and you’re just happy to reciprocate. Then one day you have sex with someone who really turns you on, and you’re like, hold on a minute there– I didn’t know I’m capable of wanting someone like this. Like, why do I wanna rip his shirt off? Like here, in front of everyone? Yeah… it happens. It’s a discombobulating feeling. Good luck!
I was not raised with any kind of religion and I am a guy. But I can relate with how you went from being ambivalent to how you feel now. I didn’t get my first GF till I was 17. Before that I had kind of accepted being forever alone and was ok with that. My first GF took my virginity the week after I met her and it radically changed me in the same way you describe. All I wanted was to be with her as much as I could. I was completely addicted.
I wouldn’t be so worried about the object of your affections rejecting you. I doubt he would have even suggested you having sex in the first place if he wasn’t interested. Sure, some men are just interested in sex, but its far from all of us. Your going to need to find out where he stands eventually anyway.
In addition to other comments…
You’re 20! Being horny all of the time sounds about right!
There were a lot of sensory things happening & smell is directly tied memory senses (as well as touch, taste, etc.) He hit a primal spot in your brain & that’s 100% normal. Humans are meant to reproduce, so of course it feels great and you want to keep doing it with someone that does that for you.
Just smart with birth control & enjoy it 😉
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not into him so much as into the feelings that you now know exist. You’ve got some pretty awesome brain chemicals zipping around now — that’s what changed within you — and he’s the one that set them flying, so you, of course, attribute all that to him, however those awesome brain chemicals can be found with other guys too. I’m not saying he’s not a stellar dude, but he’s also representative to you of your experience discovering the awesome brain chemicals, which is really the only reason the way you look at him has changed. What I’ve described above is one of the reasons that first love hits so hard and cuts so deep.
Pheromones are a helluva drug.
i think thats adorable. you never forget your first, but kiddo, you just learned about the color green. saw something other than black and white for the first time- there is a whole rainbow of people and delights. have you had coffee yet? chocolate? alcohol? the world is a big wide place and you are gonna love it, but with a sheltered start, it isnt hard to imagine not being equipped to cope with new things. keep things nice, easy, safe, and dont get crazy hopelessly in love with a first boy. you could end up a stalker or something.
keep it simple, build and learn.
Nah you’re good, your 20s are the years where you’re supposed to “go feral” about sex. Go ham enjoy it, don’t develop weird habits, patterns or emotional mechanisms that might fuck you up long term, to avoid that just communicate clearly with your partners. Take deep breaths and think before saying things.